


Never Not

by elysianaurora



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fatherhood, Fix It Fic, Future Fic, Gay Male Character, Love, M/M, Romance, Smut, Soulmates, ian is tortured by his decisions, mickey picking up the pieces, prison up to like chapter 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-06-14 06:18:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 84,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15382533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysianaurora/pseuds/elysianaurora
Summary: Four years after the Season 5 finale, we meet Mickey in prison dealing with the fragments of his life that remains. Ian is trying to put the pieces of his life together after getting a handle on his diagnosis. With the help of his only friend who remains Mickey tries to pick himself up and take control of his life while facing all the new responsibilities dropped in his lap. Will he be able to take on the struggles of fatherhood and will he be able to be the father he never had? Where has the last four years left him and Ian and will they ever be able to get back to where they were?And will Mickey and his family be able to face the threats and dangers of someone he wishes to cease existing?Inspired by the song Never Not by Lauv





	1. Haven't Seen You Since

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic that i'm very excited to post. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my friend Shannon who has been the sweetest and helped me get this here. i love you.

Chapter 1.

The sounds of inmates joking and laughing with one another echoed around Mickey as he sat in the common room of the Chicago State Penitentiary. He was holding a hand of cards as his opponents eyed him carefully. He breathed in deeply considering his next move.

“Come on mamón” hissed his cell mate Damon from across the table.  
Mickey concentrated on his hand then looked back at Damon. He scratched at his nose with his tattooed knuckles. He knew he was testing Damon’s patience and the thought that he would flip out at any second had a smile threatening to curl onto Mickey’s lips.

As he was about to draw his card, a prison guard approached him, “Milkovich, you have a visitor” he announced sternly.  
Mickey did a double take at the guard, “What?” He was in disbelief but sounded more annoyed. He’d been in prison for four years now and he didn’t get visitors. Not anymore. The visitors stopped coming six months after he was put in the hell hole. His mind quickly flashed over to his last visitor and how it didn’t go very well.  
“You heard me. You have a visitor. Come on let’s go” the guard answered.

He threw his hand of cards onto the table and quickly pushed himself off the chair.

He walked through corridors as his mind began to race. He kept thinking about the last time he was in that visitors rooms. The last time he saw his son’s face. He thought about before being in here he would do anything to get away from having to deal with the kid and now he was willing to do the same to get to see his kid one last time.

He followed the guard through the corridors before he could see the visitors’ room on the other side of the gate.  
The buzzer sounded off and he quickly stepped through the gate as it opened.  
His head spun and his stomach dropped. Who was it that came to visit him? Was it Ian? Fuck, don’t think of Ian he screamed in his head. Did he come back? Would he ever come back here?  
He looked through each cubicle he passed. They were all empty. Until he got to the last one on the far end of the visiting room.

She sat there rubbing at her eyes. Her fiery red hair that looked as if it was glowing under the fluorescent lights was pulled into a messy bun at the top of her head. She wore layers but Mickey could still see how much weight she had lost since the last time he’d seen her. She moved her hands from her face and look up as she noticed him standing there.  
Around her eyes were darkened but her eyes still remained the vibrant green he remembered. Those green eyes that reminded him of someone else. Don’t say that name Mickey. He thought. A pained smiled crept onto her face as he took a seat. He sat there as if he’d seen a ghost from a past life. He reached for the receiver and so did she.

“Hey,” She breathed into the line. Her voice raspy and tired but all too familiar.

“Hi” Mickey could feel his throat go instantly dry. He looked into her eyes, her heavy eyes that had clearly seen sleepless nights. Her lips were chapped and her freckles seemed a little darker than he remembered.  
Elaine Gallagher. His everything, second to her twin brother..... They were friends since the age of six and at this point he couldn’t remember life before she came into it. His best friend.  
She had always been there for him. She was there the awful day they came back to his house from school to play and his father announced the death of his mother. She was there the day he had his first kiss (she was his first kiss). She was there when he couldn’t tell her what was going on with him so she just sat and held his shoulder. She was there when Terry forced him to marry a Russian whore. She was there for him when her brother left him and joined the army (even though she had no clue). She was there the day he came out in front of an entire bar including his homophobic father at his son’s christening. She was there through it all, except this. She wasn’t there for the four years he’d been in prison. When she spoke she broke him out of a trance.

“How’ve you been?” Her voice seemed like she was now getting over a cold. Rough, nasal and tired.

“Good..... I guess. Don’t really got a choice, now do I?” Her smile faded at his remark so he continued, “Haven’t seen you since, since I fucking got here. The fuck have you been Lainey?” He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but it was clear and harsh.

She looked down at her hands as she fiddled with the cord of the receiver. She came by three times after his sentencing and then she disappeared. No one said where she had gone and she never wrote to him.  
“Uh, I’m sorry about that, I thought....I thought HE would have told you.....I uh I joined the Army” she made sure to avoid his name. She couldn’t bear to add to Mickey’s apparent hurt. She looked up from her hands meeting his eyes. Her sad eyes met his sad eyes. 

Mickey couldn’t believe what he had heard. He felt like he was reliving an awful nightmare. The memory of the love of his life leaving him to join the army, coming back a totally different person, and then…No Mick don’t think of that.

“No shit? You really joined the fucking Army? Fuck’s with you Gallaghers and the army?” He said as he finally understood why he hadn’t seen his best friend in so many years.

“He didn’t tell you? He didn’t bring by all the letters I wrote you?” She asked softly biting on her lower lip.

“That would mean he visits. Haven’t seen that fucker since Svet paid him to come see me 4 years ago” her face fell at his words. Mickey briefly remember the days when Svetlana still visited, when she’d bring hit jobs that they got paid for. And then his mind floated back to his last visit, the day she came to tell him she needed him to sign divorce papers because she was to be wedded to some rich viagroid in Lake Forest. Although he and she had become somewhat of friends, he had refused to see her until she brought Ian by. So she resulted in paying him to come see Mikey. That was the last visit Mickey had. Svetlana had stopped bringing Yevgeny by, and Ian never came back at all.

“Uh well yeah. I joined up. After four fucking years of service they discharge me because I’m not psychologically fit” she broke him out of his train of thoughts once again.

“What?” His ears perked up with worry. The sudden thought that she could have bipolar disease like her mom or like Ian filled his head. Maybe that’s how it came to surface, signing up for the fucking army like Ian did. Fuck. Ian. He kept thinking of him. He pushed the thought of him to back of his mind.

“Uh yeah, failed my psych eval.......Don’t worry it’s not what Ian has. They say severe PTSD and anxiety is the diagnosis.” Suddenly after she said her brother’s name she regretted it. There was now no more tip toeing around it.

She stared up at Mickey. He was different. His beard had grown out a bit. His eyes were swollen, his lip had a bruise that matched the one on his neck, “You sleeping mick?”

“Yeah,” he answered briefly.

“Well that makes one of us...”she trailed off

“You okay?” He asked his voice soft and heavy with concern. A voice he hadn’t heard come of his mouth in a really long time.

He looked at her frail looking body. She’d lost so much weight her cheek bones became more pronounced, her fingers looked more delicate.  
She shrugged ignoring his question waiting for him to change the subject as she rubbed her hand across her face.

“So how is he?” Mickey asked into the silence.

“Fuck should I know? I haven’t seen him yet”

His eyebrows rose high as he tilt his head, “What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been home yet. I literally just got back. I came straight here. I had to make sure you were alright.”

His stomach flipped when he heard her say that. For the four years he’d been in here he had assumed no one gave a shit about him. He got no visitors, no letters and only one or two calls over the years from Ian and Elaine’s little sister Debbie, who felt guilty for him being in there.

“I missed you a lot” she continued clearing her throat.

“I’ve missed you too” Mickey allowed himself for the first time in four years to feel something at let it show. 

“Fuck I missed you a lot”

The buzzer sounded signalling time was up. He raised his bruised right hand to scratch at his neck. Bruises in prison were a come sight. But she couldn’t help but worry about him.  
“You behaving yourself Mick?” She asked

“Trying to” he said rubbing his knuckles on his nose.

“Well I’ve got to go. I’ll be back to visit you next week. You know, once I get settled in.”

“Uh yeah, thanks”

“For what?”

“For not forgetting me like everyone else did”

“I’m sorry Mickey that I left. I had shit I felt like I needed to deal with. And I hope you know I’ll never forget you,”

“Fuck you” He said almost a whisper but she heard him. A gentle smile spread on her freckled face, “I love you too, Mickey, more than you’ll ever know”

He returned a gentle smile before being approached by the guard being ushered to return to the common room. As he walked he turned back catching a glimpse of her face as she wiped at her eyes.

 

She collected herself as she left the prison. She hadn’t thought it would be this difficult to see Mickey. She had wrote to him and sent the letters to Ian in hopes that her brother would take them to Mickey when he visited. But after today she realised Ian never visited Mickey. She thought of how alone he must have felt. Her stomach turned over and she felt tears weld up in her eyes as she boarded the city bus. She took her phone out and decided to text Mickey’s sister Mandy.

Elaine: Hey

Mandy: Hi? Who is this?

Elaine: It’s me Elaine.

Mandy: Holy shit! Haven’t heard from you in forever! Thought you were in the army?

Elaine: Nah just got out. And came down to visit Mickey.

Mandy: Oh. How is he? I’ve been meaning to visit for some time now but I keep getting caught up

She sighed placing the phone back in her pocket not bothering to reply to Mandy. She was disappointed. They all left him there to rot. She was guilty. She left him there to rot. She had just found out that best friend was going to jail, her twin brother was bipolar, and her relationship was rather complicated. That’s when she had decided to join the army. She thought she did it for all the right reasons. But she was just now scraping the surface of just how wrong she was.

It was a three hour drive to back of the yards. The place looked the same except for a few houses sporting a new overhaul. But it still had that gloomy heavy feeling it did when she left. She walked from the bus stop to home. Taking in the familiar smells and sounds. It was winter now and the air was brisk. She wrapped arms tightly around herself as she clung to the duffel bag around her shoulder and the backpack on her back.  
She stopped at the stairs to the house she grew up in. It was the same. Tattered, and weathered but home. 

She stuck her key in the door and turned them. She walked in to find a quiet living room. She glanced at the watch on her arm. 21:13pm. It was too early for everyone to be in bed or so she thought. She dropped her bags on the living room floor and walked to the kitchen as she removed her coat. She could see feet sticking out from behind the kitchen counter. When she walked around she saw her father Frank passed out clasping a beer bottle in his hand. Sighing at the sense of familiarity she turns to find something to drink in the fridge. While she pulls a beer and a slice of leftover pizza she heard footsteps coming down the stairs.  
She turns to find her older sister standing there with her eyes wide open and almost immediately filled with tears, “Elaine?” She whispered

“Hey Fi” Fiona came charging forward wrapping her arms around her. “Oh my! I can’t believe your here” she squealed.

Elaine grasped on to her sister tightly afraid to let go. She hadn’t seen her family in four years and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss them. “GUYS WAKE UP! COME SEE WHOSE HOME!” she called up the stairs.

It wasn’t long before there were footsteps hammering down the stairs. Her older brother Lip was the first to descend and quickly grabbed her kissing her face as he ruffled her hair. Carl was down rubbing at his eyes, “This fucking better be goo-” he said looking up cutting his words short, “what the fuck?” He fully embraced her.  
Liam was taller than when she had last seen him but he stilled jumped up into her arms like he always did. The last person to come down the stairs was Ian. He stood at the bottom step looking at her with eyes widened.  
“Hey brother” she said softly. Being away from her siblings was hard. The hardest things she has ever done but being away from her twin felt like a piece of her was missing.  
She walked up to him wrapping her arms around his waist. He pulled her closer resting his chin on her head. “I’ve missed you” Pulling back she looked around. Fiona, Lip, Ian, Carl and Liam. Where was Debbie?

“Where’s debs?” She asked slowly. They all exchanged glances, “What?”

“Well she doesn’t live here anymore” Fiona said.

“Debbie moved out?” The shock in her voice very apparent.

“Fiona basically kicked her out” said Carl collecting him a slap across the head from Fiona

“What?! You kicked her out? What she do?” She moved back to counter chewing at her slice of pizza.

“I didn’t kick her out. She decided to go through with something that I said I would not support. So she left. It was her choice to leave” Fiona defended.

“What did she do that was so bad that you couldn’t support?” She said confused. If it was anything she loved about her siblings was how much they didn’t judge each other. But she felt like a stranger standing there not knowing where her little sister was. 

“Well is someone going to tell me what she did?” Elaine insisted

“She had a baby!” Shouted Frank who stood up staggering out the back door. Her face went pale like she had seen a ghost. Debbie was only...Wait she was...18. “She had a baby?”

“Yeah she had a baby”

There was silence as she thought it through. Debbie was 18 years old what’s wrong with her having a kid. People in their neighbourhood had kids at 13 even. “What’s wrong with that? She’s 18” she finally said

“She’s 18 now. “She was 15 at the time” Fiona said sternly.

“What the fuck?” She whispered to herself. She was gone for 4 fucking years. She felt like she barely knew these people standing before her, “None of you thought to write that in your letters?”  
“I didn’t particularly think that was news you wanted while you were thousands of miles away” Fiona then said.

“Where does she live?”

“She has an apartment that she pays for with her welding job” said Carl, “anyways I got school in the morning so I got to get to bed. It’s good to see you, we’ll catch up.” Said Carl kissing her cheek.

“School?” She was sure by now he should have been finished with military school.  
“Police academy” he said before walking up the stairs.  
“Uh yeah I got work too so I gotta go get some sleep” Said Lip following him up the stairs dragging Liam up with them.

“What are you doing home?” Said Fiona, “We weren’t expecting you until June next year?”

She didn’t know how to tell them this without scaring them thinking she was bipolar. On her bus ride home she thought a million ways to say it without Fiona freaking out and trying to have her committed just to be sure it wasn’t bipolar disorder. But she decided the truth was her best option, the truth and nothing but it.

“I failed the psych eval” she said quickly sipping at her beer.

“What? What do you mean” Ian asked taking a seat at the dining table.

“Uh yeah they said I have PTSD and anxiety” Fiona eyed me until I looked up, “it’s not bipolar Fi, they looked especially for that after they read my file. Held me for 72 hours and shit.”

Fiona sighed hugging Elaine. “Are you okay?” 

She sighed into her sister’s arms, “Honestly, I have no clue”

“I know that’s not what you wanted and I’m sorry for whatever you’re going through up in your head, but I’m really glad to have you home” she kisses Elaine’s head and then made her way to bed.

Ian motioned for his sister to sit next to him. “How is it that we’re the two you ends up with the fucked up brains?” he breathes taking a sip from her beer.

“Yeah, Monica and Clayton really fucked us over” his face fell as she made her remark. Although they never spoke of it, everyone in the family knew. She and Ian weren’t Frank’s kids, they were the product of a PCP bender Monica had gone on in the summer of 95’ with Frank’s brother Clayton.

He brushed off her words and then spoke again “How are you getting in so late?”

“I uh, I went by to see Mickey before I came home” Ian face suddenly went blank at the sound of that name. She couldn’t read his expression. “Oh” was all he said.

“He said you don’t visit”

“Uh no. Hard to get time off from work.” He lied, and she saw right through it, she always did.

“Is that why you never mailed my letters to him?”

His eyes raised from the table to meet hers. “I-I didn’t know how to go see him, so figured not go at all. Try and forget him”

“Did you?”

“No, I can’t get him out of my head” he said.

“You should have gone to see him all those years, he was alone Ian”

“I couldn’t.” He said kicking his chair back as he turned and vanished up the stairs with all hopes of falling asleep and not thinking of the man he struggled daily to not think of.


	2. A Constant Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to dedicate my second chapter to my loving and kind-hearted friend Michelle. I love you so much and thank you for your constant support and encouragement. Thank you everyone for the kind words and love you have been showing my first chapter. And i apologize to all the Ian lovers, this one is quite angsty on his end.

It was 2:17 a.m. and Ian was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. There was a gentle patter of snow falling against the window glass. He kept turning ever few minutes trying to get comfortable but it wasn’t happening. He ran his hand over his face then down his chest stopping briefly to fist at the fabric of the black sleeveless resting bundled on his chest. The black sleeveless he usually kept tucked in his drawer. But there were nights like these where he needed anything close to the man he loved. Where he needs one small thing to just feel close to him. So he held on to it bringing to his face. It didn’t smell like him anymore but it was all Ian had. The last thing of Mickey’s.

_Mickey,_ was the only thought going through his mind. The thought of the name alone, brought on a pain in his chest. His eyes stung with the tears that betrayed the brim of his lids. He knew he messed up.

Every day for the last four years was a constant reminder that he messed up the only good thing in his life. Every morning when he woke to an empty side of his bed, every night when he didn’t have tattooed knuckles rubbing at his sides to fall asleep. There wasn’t a thing in his life that didn’t make him think of the brunette. His mind floated to the last time he had seen the man he loved. And he then realised he was shaking as the sobs escaped his mouth. All those years ago he sat opposite Mickey in the cold visitors room and said “Svetlana paid me to come see you.” He remembers the hurt he saw rip through Mickey like lightning tore through clouds in a thunderstorm. And suddenly the pain in his heart intensified until he couldn’t breathe.

He jolted up into a sitting position grasping at the bottle of water on his bedside table. He gulped it down in hopes of saving his dried throat that had become like a wasteland. His mind had become like a drive through theatre. But all that was on display was all the pain he knew he caused Mickey. It was like someone pressed the fast forward button.

Suddenly Mickey was standing in his bedroom telling Ian “Don’t”.

Mickey looking at him as he stood in the visiting room all clad in yellow and doped up on meds.

 His eyes when Ian raised his fist against Mickey’s cheek at the ballfield.

 Him yelling the word faggot to Mickey’s face.

 He suddenly hears Mickey’s voice “fuck” as his eyes fill with tears on the steps of the Gallagher house mere moments before he is being pinched into handcuffs.

 And then it all comes back, full circle to Mickey in the visitor’s room behind the sheet of glass as Ian’s words ring through his head and his upper lip quivers a bit.

 

 "Svetlana paid me to come see you.”

 “Svetlana paid me to come see you.”

 “Svetlana paid me to come see you.”

 It played over and over again. He missed Mickey and this wasn’t the first time in the last four years Ian had an attack like this. He breathed in deeply and out slowly. His heartrate slowed and he regained a hold on himself. He wished in that moment that Mickey knew. He wished Mickey knew he never took the fifty dollars Svetlana had offered him. He lay back down and turned unto his side to watch the snow fall against his window. And he didn’t know that the man he loved with all his heart was missing him the same way miles away.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Mickey lay down on his cot in his cell while Damon rambled on about some girl he use to have on the outside. The muffled sound of Damon’s voice coming and going as his mind darted from thought to thought. He kept seeing a frail Elaine. And when he saw her, he saw Ian. She wasn’t what he remembered. Something seemed off about her. Her eyes looked like she spent most of her nights either crying or staring at a ceiling. He’d never seen her so small. She looked like she hadn’t had a decent meal in over a year. She reminded him of Ian so many years ago when he would lie in bed and not move for days.

 “You listening, mamón?” Damon asked realizing how far away Mickey’s mind was.

 

 “Yeah,” Mickey answered.

 

“That’s a lie” Damon said. Although he seemed really stupid he was very observant, “is it that chick who came by to see you today?”

 

Mickey was silent. His mind went back to Elaine. It went back to Ian.

 

“Who is she?” Damon continued.

 

“A friend” he answered simply and his mind instantly conjured up the memory of the last night they spent together

 

_It was the ending of summer. It was the day they all drove down to Military prison to pick Ian up but found out he left with Monica their bipolar mom._ _Mickey tried calling Ian but he never picked up. His mind was racing at all the possible places Ian could have been. He was sat on his bed downing his 8th beer when he heard a knock on his bedroom door, “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” he snarled._

  _Despite his efforts to scare whoever was at the door it slowly opened and Elaine stepped through carrying a plastic bag. She walked over and sat next to him on the bed against the headboard. “Iggy called, said you’re almost out of beers”_

_She pulled two six packs out of the bag. And then threw a box of cigarettes at him._

_He remained silent as she continued to speak, “I figured if you want to deal with this by getting shitfaced, I can’t let you do that alone”_ _She cracked a beer open and gulped almost half of it down._

_“Have you heard from him?” He then stammered. Turning his head to face her._

_“No, if he’s with Monica we might not hear from him for a while.”_

_The reality of her words burned him. “How’d you deal with it? Monica? The bipolar?”_

_She remained silent. Almost like she was gauging if her answer would be good enough.“You remember when I was 12 and I ran away and came here?”_

_“Mmhm” he lit his smoke as he answered._

_“Well Monica had just come back after being gone for 4 months, she was 6 months pregnant. And she was off her meds like always. She and Frank were fighting over whose kid it was. That’s when she went to the top of the stairs and told Frank she’d jump if he didn’t take her back. I ran as fast as I can away from them”_

_"You said it was because you uncle was staying with you and he looked at you funny” Mickey scoffed_

_“I lied. I didn’t want you to know the shit that was going on home. And I didn’t want to be anywhere near it. But do you remember what you did?”_

_"_ _I hid you in my room so Terry wouldn’t know you were here” he gulped the rest of his beer._

_"_ _I’d be lying if tried to tell you I know how to handle the disease. I don’t. I’ve ran from it my entire life. Figured it will catch up to me one day. There is one thing I could tell you though,” she stopped to take a drag of his cigarette._

_“What’s that?” he eyed her as her lips parted from the butt of the cigarette._

  _“You be there for him like never before, and you’ll be doing more than anyone ever did for Monica. And trust me that goes a long fucking way. I mean, he’s going to fight on whether or not he should take his meds. And as much as it makes him different, your answer needs to be meds, all the time. Don’t do what Frank did. He made her feel like it’s okay to not take them.”_

_“I don’t know if I could fucking do this” Mickey huffed out smoke._

_“You love him?”_

_“More than anything in this world.” She looked at him as he answered and smiled, “the fuck you looking at?” he snapped._

_“Nothing, I just remembered the first time I asked you that and you couldn’t answer me.”_

_"_ _Fuck off” he bit back with no venom._

_She ignored him “If you love him, that’s all you need. Plus, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. Fiona and Lip may not be but I am.”_

Mickey was suddenly back to reality. The memory left a sting in his chest. His mind floated to Ian for a minute and he quickly refused the thought, though he knew his subconscious mind was flipping through old memories of the redhead like it was an old album. So he turned over pulling his blanket over his head trying his hardest to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

6:00 am sharp the buzzer sounded and the lights were turned on. Mickey turned over wanting to just lay there but he knew he couldn’t. He had to be out of bed and to breakfast. Then it was work in the laundry room. He got up pulling his state issued shirt on over his head. He walked out his cell going to the cafeteria for breakfast. He was so tired of living the same day over and over.

 

He was violently folding laundry when he heard footsteps approaching. He looked up to see a prison guard standing there staring at him. “What?” He asked ferociously.

 

“Come with me.” He knew to never disobey the guards. So he put down the sheets he was folding and followed. He turned three corridors before they lead him into a room with a desk and two chairs. The guard handcuffed him to the table and stood beside the door staring at him intently. The silence was deafening. He looked around taking in the glum windowless room. The walls were that bland beige colour, which big chips of paint missing showing the pale blue that once decorated the walls of the same room.

 With the sound of a click the door was opening. A petite blonde stepped through. She was shorter than himself and she was wearing a pant suit. Her briefcase looked oversized and heavy and her glasses slid down her nose. She pulled the chair opposite and took a seat. She looked up at him like she was trying to read him, her eyes falling to the handcuffs on his wrist. She looked over at the guard and demanded he removed the cuffs. He did as she said but stared at Mickey attempting to intimidate the shorter man. Mickey raised an eyebrow and stared back. She sat up pushing her glasses up her nose. “Mikhailo Alexandr Milkovich, case number 908374”

 

“Mickey” he corrected.

 

“What?” She asked looking back at him. She had a small round face with delicate features. She was young. Young enough that Mickey would have easily mistaken her for a teenager.

 

“It’s Mickey. I’d rather be called Mickey” he reiterated.

 

Unexpectedly, she smiled, “Okay Mickey, my name is Olivia Danvers, I am your new lawyer. And I’d rather be called Liv” He looked at her inquisitively. A lawyer? Then why was she being so nice?

 

“What happens to Johnson?” He briefly remembered the fat sweaty guy who handled his case when he got thrown into this hell. The guy paid no interest in the case and to Mickey he felt like the guys wanted him to end up in prison.

 

“Unfortunately He passed away, I’m taking over his cases”

 

“What case? I’m already in here. End of case” he said bluntly.

 

She chuckled a bit and the opens his file. “Mickey can you answer a few questions for me?”

 

“Do I have a choice?” He asked rudely.

 

“You’re a feisty one aren’t you...I’m on your side, Okay?”

 

“Okay…what you want to know?”

 

“You behaving yourself Mickey?”

 

“Yeah,” he answered hesitantly.

 

“Okay, well according the penitentiary files you’re one of the best behaved. Beside a cafeteria brawl a couple days ago. I’m guessing that’s where the bruising comes from”

 

“Guy hit me over the fucking head with his lunch tray” He scoffed. Why was she asking him all these fucking questions?

 

“Okay, can you tell me the circumstances under which you were placed here?” She jotted a few things into her notepad and then looked back up at him.

 

“It’s in my file. You don’t know?” he raised eyebrows at her. How good a lawyer could she be if she didn’t even know why he was here?

 

“No I know. I want to hear your side”

 

He thought for some time. Then asked. “Is our conversation recorded?”

 

“No, this is off the record” She said looking up at the guard who nodded and left the room. He was in here for four years already. And he was supposed to be in here for another eight years to come. He didn’t see the point in lying to the second visitor he had in four years. Plus there was no shame in it. He was no longer the guy who lived ashamed of himself. He put that behind him when he came out in front that entire bar, in front his father.

 

“My boyfriend ran away and joined the army.” He finally said softly.

 

“I don’t see what that-“

 

“Let me continue? So he left because I was forced to get married to a woman who was supposedly pregnant with my kid. So he left, went AWOL and came back because the army was looking for him. Turned out the kid was diagnosed with bipolar disease.” He paused letting his mind and all his memories of the particular redhead flood his mind. “After - after his diagnosis, his half-sister called MPs on him. They arrested him and took him to military prison. Myself and his younger sister attempted to show their half-sister what a mistake she made. So I slipped her a couple roofies and before I knew it she wasn’t breathing. She took a bunch of fucking pills in the morning,” he breathed in pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“You weren’t trying to kill her?” She asked writing again in her notepad.

 

“No, we thought she was dead so we put her in the crate.”

 

She was silent for a while. Did he just sign his death sentence? “I have some good news for you,”

 

“What is that? They’ve decided to put me on death row and end my fucking misery?” He joked.

 

“No, you have been suggested to be granted a 5 year parole by the parole board.”

 

His heart skipped a beat and sweat beaded onto his forehead. “You’re kidding me right?”

 

“Seeing that there wasn’t much forensic evidence, they have decided to give you a parole hearing seeing that you’ve served a third of your sentencing.”

 

“Wait how come all of a sudden they care that there was no evidence? They didn’t seem to care four years ago when they saw my last name!”

 

“Let’s just say there is a new board now with people who are trying to do things much differently. There is overcrowding. There are worse guys out on the streets that deserve the cot you’re sleeping on. Your hearing is in two weeks. You’re going to need two people as character witnesses. Do you know anyone who can do that?”

 

“Uh my best friend but ...”

 

“What?” She said raising her gentle eyes from his file to meet his.

 

“She just got discharged from the Army due to psychological incapability”

 

“What’s the diagnosis?”

 

“Anxiety I think. And PTSD…. Does that mean she wouldn’t be credible?”

 

“Well it depends on the severity of her PTSD. If she’s a well decorated officer and the circumstances of her diagnosis aren’t severe maybe it can work. What’s her name? Maybe I can reach out.”

 

“Elaine Rose Gallagher”

 

She wrote the name into her journal and rose from her seat.

 

“Thank you” he said.

 

“Don’t thank me yet. Thank me when you’re walking out of here.” He bent his head sighing deeply.

 

“Hey, look at me. I don’t know you but you seem like a decent guy who was just doing what he thought was right for someone he loved. There is no shame in that” she then dug into her bag pulling out a plastic cup, “I’m going to need to you give me a urine sample.”

 

“I’m in prison where am I going to get drugs?” He very well knew the answer to that though.

 

“When you were arrested you had cocaine on you. And we know there are sometimes illegal trades on drugs in the prisons. If you’re not clean your hearing will be denied.”

 

He took the cup off the table and said, “I’m clean but I’ll piss in the cup.” The guard walked in undoing the handcuffs and pulling him up to go to the restroom. Mickey Milkovich bitched a lot, but the chance to walk away from prison, that wasn’t something he was going to bitch about.

 

“Olivia?”

 

“Yes” she answered before turning toward him.

 

“Don’t tell Elaine yet, she comes by to visit me in a week. Let me tell her the news?”

“Sure Mickey.” And with that she was out the room and he was being escorted to the restroom to piss in a cup.

 

He really might be getting to go home. Wait. Where was home? That’s when he realised his home wasn’t a place. It was a person and he’d lost that person. He’d lost his home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave kudos and comments letting me know what you think and what you hope to see for Gallavich in this series :)


	3. The Aftermath of a Sleepless Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is dedicated to my rainbow dash. Ally, thank you for being a great friend, confidante and for being so supportive throughout the entire process of getting this fic here. I love you.  
> This chapter introduces a minor character who sets course for a particular plot. We get to see how Ian is coping with where Mickey is and what the return of his sister could mean. And how does Mickey feel about the redhead? Does he still love him?

The sudden chatter and hammering of her siblings bouncing down the stairs startled Elaine from her thoughts as she turned, falling off the couch. She had spent the entire night gazing up at the broken ceiling of their living room. She had enough time that she had relived all the dents and broken chunks and how they had all gotten there. As she muttered profanities, she quickly lifted herself off the ground and joined her siblings in the kitchen where they were eating breakfast and chatting about their day ahead.

“Fuck, you look like shit! When was the last time you slept?!” Fiona asked squeezing her shoulder as she leaned onto the side of the fridge.

The back door opened and Debbie came walking in with a little redheaded three year old on her hip. She busied herself with placing a box down onto the counter and then sitting the kid on the high chair Liam once used many years ago. She turned to pour herself a cup of coffee when she saw Elaine standing against the fridge.

 

“Holy shit!” Debbie’s eyes widened in shock before she jumped at her sister embracing her.

 

“Hey debs.” Elaine smiled softly.

 

“What the hell? What are you doing here?”

 

“Army declared her crazy like the rest of us” Ian said walking out the bathroom and making his way over to the coffee pot.

 

“What?!” that’s it. The same worried, startled expression she received the night before and when she visited Mickey.

 

“It’s nothing serious.” She brushed it off feeling uncomfortable with everyone staring at her like she was a circus parade. After growing up with Frank and Monica for parents they all had assumed they’d all eventually have a psychotic break before the age of thirty. After Ian’s diagnosis they had found out the odds were one in five. There were seven of them meaning two of them were subjected to the ill fate. To quote Fiona, it was a Russian roulette with Monica’s genes as the bullet.

 

“Well I’m glad to see you. Uh I’m guessing from the lack of shock on your face they told you about Franny?” Debbie said taking a seat beside her daughter.

 

“Franny?” She asked confused, unaware for a brief moment of the child that bore an insane resemblance to herself.

 

“My daughter, your niece? You know everyone says how much she looks like you”

 

“Oh, Uh yeah. Well you looked a lot like me too once upon a time.” Elaine walked over kissing the baby playfully.

 

“So what are you plans for today?” Fiona asked as she poured Liam a glass of orange juice.

 

“Uhm apartment hunting, I guess.” They all looked up at her, “Well I can’t continue sleeping on the couch now can I? And I really doubt Ian would want to move back in with Carl and Liam.”

 

“Fuck NO! Debbie gave me her old room. It’s mine” piped Ian from behind his mug.

 

“You know you can always rent one of my apartments for a fraction of the cost” Fiona said.

 

“ _Your_ apartments?” She asked biting into her pancake Ian placed in front her.

 

“Yeah I bought a building like two years ago, renovated and now I’m a landlord. I’ve got one apartment available. I was supposed to interview people all day for it but if you want it, it’s yours. Plus that will really clear up my schedule so I can check out a building on 74th”

 

“Yeah? What’s the cost?”

 

“Well I usually call 1250 for a three bedroom. It’s yours for 950”

 

“Three bedrooms? What the fuck am I gonna do with three bedrooms?”

 

“Does it really make a difference? You’re paying for a two bedroom with that deal”

 

“I guess I’ll take it. That saves me the hassle of looking through the paper. Now I just gotta get me a job”

 

“You just got out the Army. Why you looking for a job already?” Carl asked around his mouthful of food.

 

“Well I gotta survive. Plus this guy I served with, owns this insurance company said he could offer me an office job when I get out. I figured I’d go see him”

* * *

 

She waited at the diner for her friend from the army to meet her. He came in about five minutes late and had settled across from her in the leather booth, “Hey soldier,” he smiled, flashing his hazel eyes at her. Daren wasn’t her type but he still tried even though he was married.

 

“You look good,” he commented taking a sip of the coffee she had ordered for him.

 

“You do too” she lied. He had allowed his beard to grow out and this hair was slicked back. He looked ten years older than he really was. He was sporting some serious ‘serial killer vibe’ “How have you been?”

 

“You know, hanging in, How’s the nightmares?” he casually asked. He didn’t have much boundaries. He said or asked what he wanted, when he wanted to, without a second thought of the words leaving his mouth.

 

She shrugged. Having nightmares would require falling asleep and she couldn’t remember the last time she got a wink of it. She woke through the entire night and would still be wired the next day. “It is what it is” she simply stated.

 

“Yeah I know what that’s like. Wife left me because I couldn’t talk about the shit I saw over there and….” His voice trailed off. 

 

She couldn’t bear to sit and listen to him whine about his wife. She had heard enough of that three years ago in Afghanistan. So she got straight to the point, “I know we haven’t talked in a while but I was wondering if you could tell me more about that job at your dad’s insurance firm?”

 

He nervously smiled, “Oh yeah… about that… Dad passed away last May so my mother decided to start downsizing now so unfortunately that job isn’t available.”

 

“Oh, shit sorry to hear that,” she felt horrible. Here she was only meeting a guy for job and not knowing his dad died.

 

He could see the fall in her face, “It’s okay, but my brother is going back into the architect business after we sort everything out with my dad’s firm, maybe I can see if you can get a job there,” he was really a nice guy, and she felt badly for leading him on at times, but her heart wasn’t in that place. Quite frankly, it hadn’t been in a really long time.

 

“That sounds great, what would I be doing?”

 

“Well, it’s like an office job, with a couple in field days, you’d go with my brother or any of the other architects to scope out sites for demolitions or execution of new structures, it’s an advanced assistant but the pay is decent.”

 

“Great, when would that start?”

 

“In about three weeks, after we’re done at the firm. My brother’s looking for someone he can trust so qualifications aren’t a concern of his. I know he can trust you,” he said winking.

 

* * *

Routine. Ian did best with routine. The aftermath of a sleepless night was standing before him in the mirror’s reflection. The long night of constant thoughts of a certain blued eyed convict had his eyes swollen, darkened and heavy. He stared at his reflection as he buttoned his blue uniform. After four years, he still hadn’t gotten used to this man looking back at him. He looked familiar with the red hair but so much was different. His freckles had lightened to a point where some of them no longer existed. He looked older. Older than he was.

 

“Gallagher! You stare any longer at your face you might burn holes through it. Come one we got inventory of the bus to do!” his rig partner Sue called making her way out the locker room.

 

He quickly fiddled with his belt and then slammed his locker door shut. Walking out toward the ambulance he could see Sue’s feet dangling out the back as she busies herself with the stock.

He stood there contemplating his next move. Did he act like there was nothing wrong with him? Did he tell her he wasn’t in his right mind and go home? He breathed out a sigh making his presence known to the older brunette lady.

 

“Gallagher, you’re lurking. You either get on this fucking bus and help me or go get me some fucking breakfa-” she cut her words short when she finally looked up from the various pile of needles she had been sorting through, “Shit, you okay?”

 

He had been lost in thought. He was staring down at his feet, toeing at a dip in the concrete.

 

“Rough night? Are you hungover?” Sue asked.

 

There was no answer.

 

She breathed in. “Gallagher?” she asked trying to rip his attention from the spot on the garage floor. “IAN!” she shouted.

 

Suddenly the younger man was aware of himself, “What? Sorry” he quickly answered.

 

“Kid, talk to me. What’s going on?” she continued working as she waited for him to respond.

 

“Lainey is back” he spoke softly almost a whisper.

 

“So why are you so upset? Shouldn’t you be glad that she’s back?”

 

He then met her eyes. “I am. It’s just…with her being back…he…he’s…”

 

“A major concern of hers?” Sue asked. She knew all too well the story of Ian and Mickey. She knew that when Ian called in on days and said he was sick that he had been up the entire night before punishing himself for the other man’s fate.

 

She eyed him carefully before continuing, “Look, Ian, he never stopped existing. With her here or with her thousands of miles away. He never stopped existing. You know that. I know that. Don’t blame her being home for how you feel. You could be feeling a whole lot differently if you listened to me and visited. What you’re feeling…it’s called guilt. You’re guilty because you think he’s in there because of you.”

 

Her words surprised him. He knew Sue thought he was making a dumb decision not going to visit Mickey. But never had she been this blunt about it. “Way to go easy on me”

 

“I’m done being easy on you. Everyone goes easy on you. I’ve listened to you for the last four years Ian. You’re doing well. Your meds are balanced. You have a steady job. Yet you can’t be happy. You and I both know why that is. Go home. Take the next two shifts off. I’ll cover for you.”

 

“No, Sue I’m fine to work.” He said moving closer to the rig and starting to pack the needles in their case.

 

Sue grabbed the packs from his hand and held the bag from him, “Go. Don’t fight me on this. You’re not in the right frame of mind to be going out on calls. I need to know that I can trust you when you’re out there. I can’t trust you when you have that look in your eyes.”

 

He sighed heavily as she rubbed at his shoulder. He made an about turn heading back to the lockers. Maybe he’d go home and get some rest. Or maybe.

 

Or maybe he could take a three hour drive he’d been dreading for four years.

 

Before he could stop himself, Ian wasn’t walking in the direction of his home. He was standing at the bus stop tugging at his scarf.

 

This wasn’t routine.

 

This was spur of the moment. He took one deep breath in as he boarded the city bus. Sitting to the back of the bus he got himself comfortable. Three hours. All he had to do was make it three hours without overthinking and over analysing everything. And then the next step was through the gates.

 

Small steps. _You can do this,_ he thought to himself.

 

He closed his eyes and allowed the sounds of the other passengers to drown out behind him. What’s the worst that could happen? Mickey tell him to leave? Mickey refuse to see him? _Wait_. What if Mickey hated him? He would hate him if the roles were reversed. _Fuck. This was a mistake_. He looked around but the bus was already on its way packed with the other 24 passengers going to the State Penitentiary. Deep breaths.

Before he knew it, his fatigue over took him and he drifted into a deep sleep. He may have stayed there until who knows when if the lady next to him didn’t wake him.

He got off the bus and was greeted by tall beige walls topped with barbed wire. The building held an eerie atmosphere and chills ran straight down his back. In the winter’s day Ian could feel sweat clamming unto his neck under his scarf. He pulled at it huffing out. Not now. No. he needed to go through with this.

His heart betrayed him. It picked up a pace like a horse gunning through an arena. Pounding on the inside of his ribcage. His breathing quickened and his legs were moving before he would think. He was boarding the bus with the people leaving the prison. He was sitting in the same seat he had been in a mere three minutes before. And he was on his way home.

 

He was just as weak as he had always been.

 

* * *

 

A week had passed since she’d been back. She had a job she was to start in three weeks. She had an apartment she was slowly but surely furnishing and she was making ends meet with money she had saved and with the extra cash she racked in from the night shift she picked up at the Alibi, the bar Kev and V owned. Things were settling in so she decided it was time to go see Mickey again. This time she took a few photos she had of Mickey’s son. They were old and she was sure he no longer looked like that but she thought that maybe Mickey would want to see some of what he missed out.

She got off the city bus and hustled into the prison gates. She sat at the same booth waiting for Mickey. He walked through with a smile on his face and bounce in his step. It was very different to the Mickey she saw last week. The bruises on his neck that were fading looked like they were replaced with fresh ones and his lip sported a new cut.

She picked the receiver off the wall and waited for him to sit and do the same. “Hey Mary Poppins, What got you so happy?” She asked.

 

“I get to see you” he smiled.

 

“Are you running a fight club in here?” she asked gesturing to his neck and arms.

 

He lightly scoffed, “Nah, some of Terry’s old friends had to send a message on behalf of my fucking prick of a father.” The mention of his father’s name had her blood boiling under her skin. She hadn’t seen Terry in years but the sound of his name still had the same effect.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked her voice laden with worry.

 

“I’m good, I’m good. Fuck him right? I’ve got two pieces of good news for you” He said quickly changing the subject.

 

“Okay, shoot”

 

“One, I took my GED. And I passed” he was proud and his lips curled up into a broad smile.

 

“Holy shit Mick. That’s so good! I didn’t even know you were studying for that”

 

“Yeah well I wanted to be sure I passed before I told you last week.” He was grinning in that big gummy way he rarely did.

 

“I’m proud of you, what’s your second piece of good news?”

 

“Uh, I might be getting out of here” he looked around making sure none of the other inmates in close proximity could hear him because people got shanked when other inmates heard they might get out.

 

She thought she heard wrong, “I could have sworn I just heard you say you might be getting out of here”

 

“I did.” He said wiggling his eyebrows and smiling

 

“You’re serious?”

 

“Yeah, my lawyer came by she said I have a parole hearing in two weeks from now.”

 

“Oh my God Mick, that’s great” she couldn’t believe it, and the smile on his face spoke a million words. She was happy to see him this happy.

 

“Yeah one thing though”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I’m going to need two Character witnesses” he tilted his head slightly as he spoke.

 

“Are you asking me to?”

 

“Well yeah I’m hoping you can. Olivia said she’d call you and talk. We’re not sure if you’d be a reliable witness due to you know...”

 

“My genetic betrayal of mental illness”

 

“Yeah. But she said she’ll talk to you, all depends on circumstance or some shit like that”

 

“Okay, Uhm who else would you want there? You know he might not be able to be a witness because he’s bipolar.”

 

“Yeah I know. Hardly think he’d want to anyway.” He did know. It was all he was thinking of since he heard the news of his possible release. Seeing the redhead again. What it would be like? Was he angry with Ian? Did he understand why Ian didn’t come see him? Could he forgive Ian for leaving him there to rot? Would Ian even want him back? “Uhm I was thinking Kev or maybe Svet?”

 

“You mean your Russian ex-wife, ex-whore,” she teased.

 

“No, Svetlana, the mother of my child. Plus she’s a legal citizen now right? Heard she remarried?”

 

“Uh yeah so did I. Uhh I’ll go see her,”

 

“Thanks” he rubbed his hand down his face wincing when his finger brushed the cut on his lip. “You settle in good?”

 

“Yeah, I got an apartment, and a job” she smiled parting her good news.

 

“You move out of that shitty house? Aren’t all those kids gonna miss you?”

 

“I’ve been gone for four years Mick, they survived. Plus there isn’t space for me.”

 

His eyebrows rose slightly as his lips parted as though he was about to say something but quickly closed. “You wanna ask something? Ask it?” she read him like a book.

 

“What kind of job?”

 

She sighed, “Some office shit at an architect company. I start in a couple weeks. But I mean it’s better than nothing right? Plus the pay’s good. But we both know that’s not what you wanted to ask.”

 

He reluctantly gave in to her “Does he still live there?”

 

“Are you trying to ask me if he’s moved in with anyone?”

 

He nodded slightly and she could see the pain in his wonder. “No he hasn’t. He’s still at home. Taken up residence in Debbie’s old room. And from what Lip has said, he hasn’t had a serious relationship since. Probably none at all.”

 

She studied him, his eyes peering at the counter before him, so she continued, “Can I ask you something? I mean you don’t have to answer but…”

 

“Fuck you wanna know, El?”

 

“Uhm, do – do you still love him?” she knew Mickey better than anyone else but his solemn, expression gave her no answer.

 

“Is it stupid if I say yes?” Mickey knew then that the answer would always be yes to that question. It didn’t change that he was hurt. He had long moved past Ian breaking up with him before he was arrested. After all, he had just spent an entire day with Monica, he wasn’t in his right frame of mind. Or was Mickey just making excuses now?

 

“No, actually. When they’re the one, they’re the one. You can’t deny it.” The fall in her face and break in her voice had Mickey knowing that she was no longer talking about him and Ian. But who?

 

“Yeah....hey, I was meaning to ask you something” he knew better than to pry when she didn’t want to talk so he moved on.

 

“Sure what is it?”

 

“Have you heard from Mandy?”

 

She suddenly remembered the brief conversation she had with Mandy the week before, “I sent her a text when I left here last week. She says she’s been meaning to visit.”

 

“Right. Can you tell her about my hearing? I’d like for at least one of my family members to be there”

 

“Sure Mickey. I’ll call her. Hey I got to get going I promised Debbie I’d pick Franny up from Head Start and it’s a three hour drive back”

 

“Who the fuck is Franny?” He asked raising his eyebrows

 

“Her daughter”

 

“Debbie has a kid? Fucking hell.”

 

“Yeah it’s news to both you and I. Thought they could have at least wrote me a letter and tell me she was pregnant……..oh and I left something for you in the mail station. They said they’d get it to you before the end of tomorrow.”

 

And with that, she was gone. On his way back to the common room all that spun through his head was that Ian‘s last visit. _Will you wait for me_? His own spoken words rang through his mind. Maybe, just maybe Ian did wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!. be sure to leave comments and kudos if you like where the story is going so i know if to continue. :)


	4. Torn Through the Middle but Taped Back Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 took me sometime to write although it may not seem like it to you as it is going up 2 days later. I needed this chapter to be special as special as the ray of sunshine it is dedicated to, Vicky. I love you and thank you for all you support and enthusiasm  
> We finally get to see our two boys come face to face after their time apart. Will it be the reunion they've both been hoping for? or will underlying issues and feelings boil over?

It was just after 4 in the afternoon when she dropped Franny off at Debbie’s apartment.

“You want to come in for dinner?” Debbie asked.

“Uh, no I was planning on stopping by a friend’s before I get home”

 “Oh anyone I know?”

“Yeah. Iggy Milkovich”

“Shit that’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.”

 

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t heard from Iggy in a while. But truth be told, he wrote her every four months while she was on base. He asked when she was coming back. How it all went wrong. Why she had left. But most of all he just sent her pictures of Mickey’s son because he had no one to send them too. Not even Mickey because he assumed Mickey still didn’t want to have anything to do with the kid.

All the lights of the Milkovich house were turned off but she could hear loud chatter from the outside. She knocked a couple times and stepped back from the door. The door swung open and an old grey haired man appeared at the door. Terry Milkovich, the abusive waste-of-space father of Mickey. “Fuck you want?” he grunted. Goosebumps rose on her skin and the same feeling she felt when Mickey mentioned his name came back tenfold.

She stifled the disdain and choked out “Hey Terry, thought you were still in prison?”

 

“Nah got out a month now” he pulled the dangling cigarette from his lips blowing the smoke directly at her.

 

“Hmm must be your record for the longest one out huh?” 

 

“Funny.” He said with a straight face, “what do you want? The faggot don’t live here no more.” her fists were clenching beside her.

 

“Uh I’m not here to see him. I was wondering if Iggy was around” His face turned in an angry way before he reluctantly answered.

 

“Nah fucker’s not home”

 

“Do you know where I can find him?” her voice itched with irritation. Terry no longer scared her like he did when she was younger. Not since she learned to kill a man twenty different ways with just her hands.

 

“Check under the L. He said he was gonna target practice”

 

“Thanks” she half-heartedly smiled and walked briskly away from Terry.

 

She walked to the L and listened for the gunshots. She followed the sound until she saw Iggy staring eye level with a Beretta 87 target. His shaggy blonde hair ruffled. His face pale blotched with red. A cigarette dangling from his lips. He was bigger. His shoulders broader and more toned. Saying she didn’t miss him would be a cheap lie. But saying she no longer loved him, that would be an unforgivable sin.

 

“Relax your shoulders, tighten your grip. And don’t flinch when you pull the trigger.” She advised after the echoes of his last shot faded. He missed all three of his targets. He looked up as he reloaded, startled by the sound of her voice.

 

“Elaine? What the hell are you doing here?” his face had gone as white as a ghost as his eyes darkened.

 

“Been looking for you. Terry said you’d be here”

 

“I come here to practice, remember?” he answered a slight venom in his voice

 

“Yeah I remember. Didn’t know Terry got out” she tried making polite conversation as she gauged him.

 

“Yeah? I didn’t know you got out of the army either” his voice bitter and heavy with hurt.

 

“I was asked to leave. Doctor’s orders. Terry out long?” she asked desperate to change the subject.

 

“Yeah, it’s his 6th time out in the last _four_ years. Kinda hoping next time they keep him for good” He continued reassembling his gun then looked up at her, “Doctors orders? Got shot?”

Was that a glimmer or worry she heard?

 

“Something like that” Yeah shot with Monica’s genes.

 

His worry vanished like the figments of a dream. “What do you want?” he asked more sternly.

 

“Nothing.” She hadn’t expected Iggy to welcome her back with open arms. Not after the way she left things. Her heart still fluttered when she saw him but the way he looked at her was a painful reminder of how much she hurt him.

 

“Who you need dead?”

 

With an awkward chuckle she answered, “No one. I came here about Mickey”

 

His eyes glazed over with worry again. “Is he okay?”

 

“Yeah. Probably better than okay. He’s got a parole hearing in two weeks.”

 

“Parole hearing? Shit. That’s big. Heard they don’t give that to attempted murderers so easily.”

 

“Exactly. Uhm, I was wondering if you’d come. Show him some support”

 

“Uh. I don’t know” he said looking in the direction of their house, “if Terry knew, I’d be dead.”

 

“Yeah I thought that might be a problem.” He fires his next rounds. As the bullets rip through the air, the thought that Iggy may always hate her had her hoping that one ricocheted off the building and flew through her head.

 

Iggy spoke as the echoes fizzled out “Tell me how does shitheads like my dad get parole so fucking easy and Mickey has to have a fucking hearing to get his?”

 

“It’s a shit world, that’s why” she replied.

 

"Don't I know it." 

 

They were silent for some time until she spoke again. “How have you been Ig?”

 

“Fucking Peachy!” his voice harsh again.

 

 “Why didn’t you visit him? While Terry was in the joint?”

 

“ _I visited_ him. I’m the only one who went for the first few months. Then Terry got out and I don’t even know how but he found out I had been up there to see Mick. He beat the shit out of me. Couldn’t walk for a week. Figured it’s not worth that”

 

“Shit. Why do you stay here then?” her anger against Terry returned and she could see herself grabbing the gun from Iggy, loading it and storming into that house and emptying it on his face.

 

“Where the fuck would I go? After all, he is _all_ I have. I know sucks to be me right?” She winced at his hostility as he made no effort to hide his disappointment in her. “I’m not as lucky as Mandy to get out of here, even if she’s doing so by screwing guys for a living......Look I’m happy for Mick. But to be fucking honest. He’s safer in there than he’ll ever be out here. Not while that prick is roaming freely.”

 

She looked back toward the house then back at the man who once loved her. “You got an address for Svetlana?” She asked meeting his eyes.

 

“Uh yeah. You gonna ask her to go to the hearing to?”

 

“I was hoping to. You think she’ll go?”

 

“I don’t fucking know. She’s different. Rich. I try not to push it with her. Consider myself lucky she still lets me see the kid.” He looked at her begging eyes and then sighed giving in, “I’ll text you the address, but you didn’t get it from me a’right?”

 

“Thanks. I’ll uh see you around.”

 

“Yeah. Tell him I say hi. And that I’m happy he has a chance to get out”

 

“Sure. I’m going by to see him in a couple days. But I gotta go see Svet first.”

 

“Good luck with that.” He chuckled. His soft laugh sounding like a song from her childhood.

 

“Ig, its fucking cold out here. Go inside like normal people.” She sighed turning and walking away.

 

* * *

 

Mickey stared at the blank envelope, fiddling with it in his hands. Sliding a thumb between the fold and the seal, he ripped it open. The clock on the wall outside his cell read 11:00 a.m. He had only received the letter that Elaine left for him about four hours ago. And he sat staring at it for four fucking hours. Was it a goodbye? Was the day before her last visit? Why was he overthinking everything?

 

_Dear Mickey,_

_Stop overthinking. If I remember you well enough you’re reading this thinking it’s a goodbye letter and I’m leaving again. I’m not. I have no plans of leaving Chicago. There’s just a few things I felt I needed to tell you. Things I cannot tell you through a glass window. Things I cannot even bring myself to say out loud. So I decided I’d write it. Firstly, I’d like to apologize for leaving. For never telling you where I had gone. I knew if I came by and told you that you’d try and stop me. And maybe it might have worked. And I think back now and I know I should have come by that day. I should have let you stop me. I should have never gone to the army. And I’m not just saying that because I feel guilty for leaving you behind. But it turns out when I left you behind I also left myself behind in Chicago. I do not recognize myself anymore. I ran. When things started getting uncomfortable, I ran. I left the people I care about to go to a place where I was treated more like a number than a person. I left the man I loved because I was scared. I left my family. I left you._

_I figured I’d write you my feelings because you’re in there and I don’t know when the next time I may get to hug you again is or when I would get to sit up at nights like we did, getting high and talking shit. Because I miss the shit out of those nights. I wrote to you every week while I was in Afghanistan. Turns out Ian was collecting them at the bottom of his closet. All the words I thought I said to you were sitting at the bottom of a fucking closet. But I’ll summarize: I have missed you. I have missed you every single day that I have been gone. And I have never forgotten about you. I put myself first, for the first time in forever and I regret it. I made the wrong choice._

_I know this letter feels like it doesn’t really say much. But I feel like these are things I needed to say that ten minutes in a visitor’s booth won’t do justice to._

_Look inside the envelope I left you some pictures to hold on to and keep you company._

_I love you,_

_Elaine._

He was rubbing at his eyes. To any normal person the letter didn’t say much. It didn’t explain a lot. Not exactly why she had left. It left more questions unanswered if anything. Who was the man she loved? Why hadn’t he known? There was no explanation of how she wasn’t herself anymore. But Mickey read between the lines. She was in a prison just like he was, only hers wasn’t physical, it was emotional.

 

“You okay mamón?” Damon asked entering the cell.

 

“Fuck off,” Mickey snapped at him.

 

“Easy, tiger!” Damon sat on his cot opposite Mickey’s, “It’s that chick again, isn’t it?” his accent thick and taunting.

                                                   

“What part about Fuck off did you not understand?” asked Mickey as he reached into the envelope to take the pictures out

 

The first was one with herself in her dusty camouflage uniforms in the middle of a desert. She had a soft smile on her face. There was dirty blonde guy with his arm around her shoulder and his other on his rifle.

 

The second was the complete opposite to the first, it was Svetlana holding Yevgeny. He was tiny, not more than four months old. She held him close with a smile on her face. He didn’t love her, but he missed that smile. He missed the friend he made in her.

 

The third was an eighteen month old Yevgeny standing as hands held him from behind. He recognized those hands, the longs fingers, they were Ian’s. Yevgeny was happy with a large smile stretched across his face. He was happy with Ian.

 

The fourth was Yevgeny on a play mat with Amy and Gemma, Kev and V’s twin girls. His son was growing up and he wasnt there to see him. but he finally felt in the loop holding these pictures.

And then he turned to the last, the weathered picture torn through the middle but taped back together. Faded and fragile. But still very much there. Ian, about sixteen years old holding up a middle finger. This was the picture Mickey had carried around, when Ian was missing. His thumb passed over Ian’s face, tracing his features. The tears were edging closer.

He shoved the photos back into the envelope and put it under his pillow. He sniffled and quickly left the cell before Damon could make another comment. He made his way to the phone station.

He waited his turn and then quickly dialled the new number Elaine had given him for her apartment landline.

The recording played across the line, and he waited for her to press one to accept.

 

“Hey, Mick” her voice was raspy and slurred.

 

“Hey,” his voice weak and shaking, the tears were back in his eyes.

 

“Mick? Are you okay?” she asked a little more panicked.

 

“Mhm, just got your letter and pictures” he said hoping those words would explain everything for her.

 

She was silent for some time before saying, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t thin-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you I was-”

 

He cut her off, “I’m not mad, I just, thank you. I finally feel like I have a piece of the world with me again. Thank you,” usually Mickey would be mad. He would have been fuming that she evoked all that emotion in him. But he wasn’t. He saw his family. No matter how little bit of shits they gave about him, they were still his family and he was ready to go home to them.

 

* * *

 

There wasn’t a day that went by that Ian Gallagher didn’t think of Mickey Milkovich. He tried to shove the thoughts away but it was of little or no avail. So that morning when he woke, it wasn’t any different. Mickey was his first thought in the morning, and his last at night. He turned over greeted by his alarm clock that read 9:01 am. Rubbing at his face he rose up, took his pills and headed to the bathroom. The house was quiet meaning everyone had gone either to work or school. When Ian had an off shift, the house usually was quiet, honestly it was the best time he had to sleep. But today was different.

He stepped into the cramped bathroom that he and his other four siblings shared. He brushed his teeth and then slipped his boxers off. Stepping under the shower head he turned the water on and let the cold liquid stream down his body. He cleaned himself quickly but stood there contemplating what seemed like the rest of his existence. When the shower started to gurgle loudly the way it usually did, he was snapped out his daze and stepped out drying at his upper body. Wrapping the towel around his wet waist he looked up into the mirror above the sink.

 

“Today is the day.” was all he said.

 

He quickly got himself dressed. And grabbed at his coat and keys then he made it down to the front door. He moved quickly avoiding time to stop and overthink. Since his talk with Sue the week before, he had attempted to visit Mickey a total of three times. All ending the same as the first.

_Today is the day_ , ringed in his mind. He hugged at himself as he pattered down the side walk to the nearest bus stop. The cold air nipped at his nose as he trudged in the snow. He hated winter but yet he loved it. The brisk season reminded too much of his time after the army. He had returned to Chicago on the brink of winter in 2014. He had no grasp on who he was or used to be and he was slipping. Slipping quickly. His mind was like a carousel spinning at 100 mph. He had no clear thoughts. That winter was the worse one yet for him. But it was also the best. The best, simply because on a cold night, when he was high out his mind and spinning endlessly, Mickey walked through the doors of the club and suddenly he felt anchored. Mickey had dropped his life and came looking for him. When he lost himself Mickey came looking and Mickey is the one who found him. Not just physically found him.

 

His lips tugged up at the corners at the memory as he climbed aboard the city bus and sat quietly to the back. The same seat he always sat in. There is one thing no one knew about Ian Gallagher. He tried more than they saw. People’s answer, like Sue, was just go visit Mickey. Get up, and go. It was harder than they thought. He tried. In the four years, he had boarded that city bus twice every week and would stop short of going in. The first time he tried, he made it through the gate and through the doors, it was at security that he chickened out. And then his accomplishments became less and less until it stopped at him walking off the bus, turning around and walking straight back on. So he tried to visit Mickey. But his body didn’t allow him.

 

He was going to have to will his legs to not turn around when he got off that bus today. The bus stopped after three long tormenting hours. This had become routine. Getting on, getting off, and getting on again. He needed today to be different. He walked of the bus following the rest of the line through the gateway. It’s further than he made it the last time.

 

Just keep walking.

 

One foot in front the other.

 

He made it through the door way. His heart pounding.

 

Through security. He was spinning. just like that night in the club.

 

And now he was being ushered into the visiting room and he was walking to a booth on the left of the row. He was doing this. _Today is the day_. He was really doing this

 

He sat there waiting. His mind picking apart itself. His throat was dry, and bitter. He was overwhelmed but there was no turning back. The cold room he had been in four years ago looked the same and it brought with it the stained memories like they were Polaroids taped to every surface.

He was going out of his mind, while the Raven haired man striding down the hall toward the visiting room was calm, and collected. The convict was thinking that his best friend had returned to visit after his phone call the day before. She was always so worried. The buzzer sounded and he and the other prisoners filed through the doorway. He could see a tuft of red hair over the half wall of the booth and he smiled to himself when he started toward her.

God he was glad Elaine was back from the army. Although he was about to bitch about her driving all of three hours to get here he would be glad for the little company.

Ian’s leg had been shaking, his fingers tapping incessantly on the metal counter in front him.

 

Mickey was inching closer ready to bitch that Elaine didn’t have to come check up on him.

 

Ian felt like in that moment he was about to shit a truckload of bricks.

 

Mickey’s grin grew wider as he stepped closer to the booth

 

And suddenly Mickey wasn’t behind the half wall anymore. And the grin on his face had vanished.

 

Ian was no longer shaking. His entire body had gone still and cold like if he had died hours before.

 

Every movement in the room slowed. Until it was at a standstill

 

Two poles. One magnetic field

 

They circled each other always getting close but never close enough.

 

Mickey slowly lowered himself to the chair. His lip parted slightly. Ian brought himself to move when Mickey sat.

 

Two magnets. One always moving when the other did.

 

He picked up the receiver bringing it to his ear.

 

Two Magnets. Suddenly engulfed in the field. Suddenly all the fragments they had lost were now flying toward them, latching on.

 

What took seconds felt like hours.

 

The excitement of an inmate two booths down who was now seeing his new-born daughter for the first time broke Mickey out of his trance.

His heart was pounding and the blood rushed to his head. He was suddenly angry. He had dreamt of this moment a million different ways but he never anticipated the anger that he was feeling. The anger was banging inside trying to break free.

 

Crack. The air was now coming in.

 

Crack. The anger was closer.

 

Crack. It was flooding out.

 

“The fuck you doing here?” He spat the words out like venom

 

Ian couldn’t talk, his lips were sealed shut as he stared at Mickey. His eyes raking over the grown out beard reminding him of the summer Mickey went back to juvie. His hair slight longer and pushed back like the winter of 2014. The winter of 2014. The memory that made him smile a mere three hours before had tears welding up. Sadness was accompanied by his long lost distant relative, guilt. Guilt came hand in hand with his lover, regret. Ian was suddenly spinning again.

 

“Did Elaine make you come here?” Mickey asked again. Mickey always had his head on his shoulders but when it came to the man sitting opposite him, he felt like he could rip his head off and throw it a million miles away if that’s what Ian needed. His anger was boiling within him but still that feeling returned

 

Did he hate Ian? No.

 

Did he love Ian? Yes.

 

“Fuck, if you’re not gonna say anything I have a fucking job I need to be doing.” Mickey sneered, suddenly concerned about the laundry he would be all too happy to fucking burn.

 

Ian finally came to himself “Hi” he stammered our like a drunk man.

 

“Hi? That’s all you gotta fucking say? Hi?” Mickey’s heart was pounding against his rib cage like bull before his rodeo.

 

“I-I-I’m sorry, Mick” Ian was a mess. _A beautiful mess_. Mickey thought. _Fuck no, Mickey hold your ground_.

 

“did Elaine make you come here?” He asked again

 

“no, she doesn’t know I’m here” Ian didn’t expect for this to go well. In fact Ian didn’t really think about how this would go pass getting through the gates. “I’m sorry”

 

“For what?” Mickey was blunt as he rubbed his knuckles to the tip of his nose

 

“For this. You being in here.”

 

“I knew what I was doing when I did it. Me being in here is no one’s fault but my own,” why was he trying to make Ian feel better? Ian left him there.

 

“You did it for me”

 

“Yeah I did it becau-” he stopped. _No_. He refused to tell Ian those three words, “It’s been 4 fucking years man. Why are you here?”

 

“I-I-I honestly don’t know. I needed to tell you I’m sorry. And I still... I still love you. I messed up” Ian confessed

 

“Yeah we all do shit we regret right?” The buzzer sounded. Time was up. Ian held on to the receiver making no move to leave. Mickey remained the same as well. They stared at each other. Mickey took in Ian’s features. His sharp jaw, pale skin his eyes lifted meeting Ian’s green eyes. They were dark and suddenly he looked like the teenage boy bundled under the blanket four years ago yelling at Mickey to leave him alone.

 

“You taking care of yourself?” even through his anger, that small tendril of love and care creeped out of Mickey's shatter conscience. 

Ian nodded as the guard made his way over to Mickey pulling him up from the seat.

 

 “Fuck! A’right I’m goin! Fuck! What you want, to pick me up and carry me like a fucking bride?” Mickey ticked off and broken-hearted stormed his way off without taking a second glance at Ian. He disappeared through the gate way leaving Ian there in tears stinging his eyes and his lips quivering. Ian’s leg resumed shaking.

 

On the other side of the gate, Mickey made his way down the corridor and into the cell block. He made it to his cell with enough time to sit down and bury the heels of his hands in his eyes before anyone on the block could notice his eyes were red and wet. He sniffles loudly and reached under his pillow pulling out the photos he had placed there that morning. He stared at the torn image thumbing at Ian’s face as a tear splattered unto the worn out image.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! leave comments and kudos if you're excited to read the rest of the story. Comment below why you think Iggy is so upset.


	5. Do you still love him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, this Chapter may be a slow one. However it is important for the story and the big picture. It paves the way for Mickey's hearing which is next chapter (YAY!) so bear with me. I want to dedicate this chapter to Lola. we haven't been friends for long but you are so incredibly sweet and supportive so thank you. Love ya.
> 
> Who will witness for Mickey at his hearing?

 

“Laine? Lainey? ELAINE!” Lip shouted across the table trying to burst her out of her bubble.

 

“Sorry. I was - I don’t know” She said passing the bowl of peas toward him.

 

“Fucks up with you? You’ve been acting strange since you got here.” He inquired.

 

She was sat around the dinner table at the Gallagher house that night. Only Lip, Ian and Fiona were home. “Nothing. I uh. Nothing” She placed the food on her plate and looked up to see them all staring at her.

 

“Is something wrong?” Fiona asked. She didn’t answer, instead she lifted her fork to her mouth. And filled it. Maybe if she was always chewing that would get her out of answering any questions for the night. But she knew her family better than that…they’d keep asking until she gave in.

 

“It’s Mickey isn’t it?” Ian then asked breaking the silence, causing everyone to look at him then back at her, “You went by to see him again?” she could hear the heavy rasp in Ian’s voice. He had been crying.

 

“Yeah.” She said softly.

 

“Is he okay? Is something wrong?” Asked Lip. _Not like you cared_. She thought.

 

“Yeah. He told me he has a parole hearing coming up next two weeks.” She was happy about that news but she kept thinking of the weak broken voice of Mickey she had talked to earlier that morning on the phone. What she was more concerned about though, was that Ian’s lips were swollen like he was gnawing at them and his eyes were red. Definitely crying. Did Fiona or Lip even take notice?

 

“What?! That’s great” chimed Fiona causing Elaine to make a face, “Since when do you care if Mickey gets out Fi?” she poked but looked at Ian, his face was blank. She couldn’t read it. It was like he lost all ability to feel as she said those words.

 

“Well, it has been four years, I’ve come to realise that he didn’t deserve to be there” Fiona answered honestly.

Lip was quiet, he chewed his lip as he carefully eyed Ian, who hadn’t touched his food, he was just pushing it around the plate.

 

“I don’t get it. That’s good news why you so bummed about it?” Ian finally asked. Ian was feeling his intestines slowly tie itself in a knot like it was trying to weave a fucking blanket out of itself. Why didn’t Mickey tell him? He was there just five hours before.

 

“I don’t know, the air was just thick last time we spoke, he was really brok-” she broke off her sentence looking back up at Ian from her plate. No. she wasn’t going to talk about that. As much as she would love to advocate for her best friend, her twin was also looking as tormented as if he’s just experienced an exorcism. So she continued with, “He needs two character witnesses. I might not be able to do it because of the new addition to my medical file. And I haven’t psyched myself up to go to Lake Forest to see Svetlana yet.”

 

“Is there no one else? What about his brothers? Mandy?” Fiona asked. Fiona was asking with a genuine concern in her voice. A concern she would show to her siblings when they were younger and sick, or sad. It definitely wasn’t a voice Elaine had heard in recent years. It took her by surprise and she paused for a minute.

 

“I talked to Iggy but he can’t so much as utter Mickey’s name without being pummelled to death by Terry and Mandy’s off fuck knows where. I tried calling but she isn’t picking up.”

 

“What about Ian?” Lip asked without thinking.

 

“Bipolar.” Ian simply stated. His voice as monotone as Siri. No, in fact Siri had more emotion.

 

“I was thinking I could ask Kev seeing that they were business partners”

 

“Illegal business partners” Lip corrected, “That’ll just bring other shit up”

 

“Fuck” she said rubbing at her eyes.

 

“When are you going to see him again?” Ian then asked filling the silence?

 

“Uhm in a couple days why?”

 

“Can I go with you?” they all looked up at him, the room getting painfully quiet.

 

Her mind suddenly went back to the broken Mickey that she created after giving him those pictures, she already felt like shit for that so she wasn’t just going to show up with Ian to hurt Mickey anymore, “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” She then answered completely unaware that Ian had been by to see Mickey already.

 

He looked disappointed, “You know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t have brought it up” he got up taking his plate up the stairs to his room leaving everyone downstairs. She shoved a couple spoons of food into her mouth grabbed two beers from the table and then made her way up the stairs.

 

She knocked on what used to be Debbie’s bedroom. She opened the door and slipped inside shutting it behind her. Ian sat on the bed leaning his back against the wall as he pushed his food around his plate. She took a seat beside him and reached for a piece of chicken off his plate pushing it into her mouth. Opening both beers, she handed him one. He looked at her and waited for her to speak first. “Do you remember when I first found out about you and Mickey?”

 

He breathed a soft laugh, “How can I ever forget that? You walked in on us as we were getting it on” then the room fell silent again.

 

“Mickey was my first kiss,” she finally said softly, “and I was his,”

 

His eyebrows bunched together in confusion as he looked at her but waited for her to continue, “He told me he never kissed anyone, and when he heard I hadn’t either he suggested we kiss each other. When we did I was over the moon, but he wasn’t, he had this pained look like I had shot him through the heart. I looked to where he was looking and I saw Terry on the other side of the fence with a smug look on his face, that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew he was hiding something he wasn’t comfortable with.” She could feel Ian tense up at the sound of Mickey’s father’s name.

 

Ian softly asked, “The point of telling me that is?”

 

“I felt like I had hurt him when I saw that look in his eyes, I felt like I had taken something from him that I shouldn’t have. I had the stupid idea that one day he’d realise that he was in love with me and we’d get married and run away from the shitty south side. Live happily ever after. After that day, when I saw how hurt he looked after kissing me, I gave up on that dream and promised myself I’d never hurt him like that again. But I guess both you and were always destined to fall for a Milkovich. Mine just doesn’t want me anymore.” Her heart hurt a little at the mention of Iggy.

 

“I don’t think mine does either.” he said “Did Mickey know that you knew…?” Ian’s voice was soft but tense.

 

A soft laugh escaped her lips, “Are you kidding me? He would have never even said it to himself let alone talk about it with me…. I used to ask him when we were kids, which of the girls in school he liked, and he’d always say the red head one, I thought he was talking about me, I wanted him to be talking about me. It was you. It was always you, the red head he liked.” She laughed again taking a sip of her beer

 

He turned to her with inquisitive eyes, “you’ve never told me that before....”

 

“I’ve never told anyone that. When I walked in on you two that day, I was fucking pissed. I wasn’t shocked, but man I was pissed. Not only because you were screwing my best friend, you were screwing my happily ever after guy.” She honestly said setting her beer on the dresser at the foot of the bed.

 

“I never knew you felt like that” he said in a sorry tone

 

“That’s the thing, I didn’t. I was dumb and in love with the idea of love. But when I confronted Mickey about it. And I mentioned your name his eyes light up in way I had never seen before. Not even with Frank and Monica. And although his words were denying what I had seen, his eyes, they told a whole other fucking story. So instead of yelling at him for lying to me I just asked him “do you love him?” And in typical Mickey style, he didn’t answer. But the look in his eyes….”

 

“That fucking look” Ian said leaning his head against the wall.

 

“My point is, when I realised how much he loved you and how much you made him happy I never doubted your relationship. I always told you you’re good for each other while everyone else said he wasn’t good for you or you were too damaged for him to understand. But if I take you with me, that’s just gonna hurt him.”

 

“I know, I get what you meant downstairs. You’re right I shouldn’t go see him. But I kind of already did. Today.”

.

“What?” She almost spat her beer out. “When the fuck were you going to tell me that?”

 

“I wasn’t” Ian confessed as he twisted his face in that matter of fact way he would do when talking to Lip.

 

“How’d it go? What he say?” she was interrogating but she didn’t care.

 

“Well for one he didn’t say jack-shit about getting out. And not well. Not well at all. He’s so angry with me” she could see the tears welling up again in his eyes. Her heart hurt to see him like this. Fiona and Lip were always closer to each other and it was always her and Ian against the world. But family is family. So while she expected them to look his way while she was gone and make sure he wasn’t tormenting himself, she was pretty sure they didn’t do that.

 

“You should have gone, four years ago” she sighed. “No one visited him for four years, Ian. He was fucking lonely. Not Mandy, Iggy got his ass beat by Terry so he never went back, his other brothers, Joey, Tony and Jamie are God alone knows where...we were all he had. I made a promise to myself, that I’d never hurt him gain and that’s exactly what I did for four whole years. So I get that he’s angry. I’d be too.”

 

They were silent just the sounds of their steady breathing.

 

“The night that I came home, you said you couldn’t go see him. Why?” she asked leaning her head against his shoulder.

 

He let a loud sigh out and then answered in hushed tone, “Two minutes before he was arrested, I broke up with him. I put him through hell with this disease. But I tried. So many times I tried to go. I just couldn’t walk through the gates. I thought by now I’d let go”

 

“Did you? Let him go?”

 

“No,”

 

“Do you still love him?” she asked the same question she asked Mickey as she pulled her head back so she could see his face, his eyes were sad, swollen.

 

“More than words can say and more than my body can will me to.” he said, almost a whisper, as a tear flowed down his cheek. She raised a hand wiping it away and resting her head back on his shoulder.

 

 “What do you think it will be like when he gets out.” He continued his voice frail and tender.

 

“I don’t know,”

 

“If you want me to go with you to see Svetlana, I wouldn’t mind. We still talk every now and again. Maybe I can convince her to help. It’s the least that I can do. I owe Mickey.” he sniffled wiping at his face. She turned her head to him nodding. She opened her mouth to ask him something she had been wanting to for the past week but she didn’t bother. Instead her gaze settled on the three pill bottles on his side table. They looked half empty. That means he was taking them right?

 

His gaze followed hers and sighed loudly before saying, “You can ask if you want to,” She pursed her lips shaking her head.

 

“Yes. I’m taking my meds, they’re balanced. I-I’ve been trying to really get my shit together since I got the EMT job. I’m really fucking trying.” She leaned her head back onto his shoulder. She missed this, her twin brother, the house, their time together.

 

* * *

 

The house that stood before them was basically a mansion. It had tall white pillars that lined the walkway to the front door. The yard was covered in a blanket of snow. She breathed in deeply as she and Ian walked to the red front door. After two knocks, the door opened. The familiar brunette woman stood before them wearing her meanest look like always. Svetlana looked a lot like she did four years ago, but more put together. She was wrapped in a black silk robe, her brown hair falling just below her shoulders. She had put on weight but she was still quite slim, she was just healthier. Her eyes widen at the site of them. A small smile stretching across her face. “Orange boy, what brings you by this side of town?” her Russian accent thick and heavy as before. “I see you bring sister”

She stepped aside inviting them into her home. They followed her into a large living room with high ceilings and big windows. The sheer white curtains allowed for a bright naturally lit room. She gestured for them to sit of the leather sofa that sat opposite the red futon she sat on, “Marie!” she called loudly as a young Hispanic girl walked in

 “Yes, ma’am” she answered.

“Bring my guests, something to drink, yes, and bring little Yev, tell him _dyadya_ is here to see him.” As the girl turned to leave, Svetlana grabbed her wrist causing her to turn back around, “Husband doesn’t find out ‘bout this, no?”

“Of course not ma’am,” she said before leaving the room.

Svetlana turned her attention back at them waiting for them to speak, “Well, what brings you here?” she asked.

Elaine looked between Ian and Svetlana, “It’s Mickey,” she simply said causing a stern mask to come across Svetlana’s face.

“What about that piece of shit?” she pulled a cigarette from the bowl on the coffee table placing it between her lips, lighting it.

“He has a parole hearing in a couple of weeks,” she eyed Svetlana as she huffed out her smoke, “He might be getting out”

“Hmm, and what does that have to do with me, eh?” she toyed with the cigarette between her fingers as she watched Ian.

“He needs a character witness, he asked me to come see you,”

She sighed outing the cigarette in the ashtray as Marie came back in with a toddler on her hip and a tray of drinks in the other. The last time Elaine has seen Yevgeny he had ashy blonde hair, from the photos she had seen from Iggy she knew his hair had darkened, but it was a lot darker than she expected. His icy blue eyes were just like his fathers. Svetlana must have seen her gaping at the boy that was now sitting in Ian’s lap reaching his hand out to her, “He looks just like piece of shit father, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” came out softly as she grazed her hand on his soft cheeks back to his ears. He giggled when her finger traced his ear lobe. Same ticklish spot as his father.

“Mickey knows me when he needs me for appearance? Need judge to see he is family man?” Svetlana asked.

She looked back at the Russian sitting opposite her, “Yes, he wants you to be his character witness.”

Svetlana sighed, “I would, but I cannot.” She said checking the time on her watch.

“What do you mean?”

“I grew fond of him. He’s a friend. But I cannot go. My husband will bash my head in if he knows I help him. I hide every month for Iggy to see Yev. Husband cannot know that. Yev can go. I say he spend day with orange boy for the day. Husband likes orange boy.”

She finally understood. Svetlana couldn’t help. She wanted to but she couldn’t. She had left one fucked up situation and landed in another.

“Okay,” Elaine retreated, “We’ll take Yev to the hearing,”

“You must go now, he comes home in an hour.” They all stood, Ian handing Yevgeny to Svetlana. She followed them to the front door.

“Tell Mickey, I’m sorry I cannot be there. He is friend. Tell him, if he wants to know Yev, when he is out, I will work out something,” she said before closing the door.

* * *

 

She sat snuggled under a blanket on her couch. She had a list of names of all the people who’d be willing to appear as Mickey’s witness. To be quite honest there weren’t that many. A rapid knock sounded on her door. She glanced at the clock. 2:00pm. She swung the door open to find a petite blonde with her fist up as she was about to knock again. “Who the fuck are you?” she wasn’t usually this rude but it was the middle of winter and she was in no mood for any sales woman.

“Olivia Danvers, Mikhailo’s lawyer,” she said in a perky voice with her hand outstretched. Elaine reached forward and shook Olivia’s firm grasp.

“Hmm, that’s a firm grip you’ve got there, come on in,” Elaine said stepping aside.

“Well it is something you need in my line or work.” She said standing awkwardly in the centre of the living room.

“Please take a seat, and mind the boxes, I’m not quite through moving in” she was flustered. It was her first house guest and her apartment smelled of greasy pizza and had clothes falling out of boxes.

“Oh, no worries, my own apartment doesn’t look much different and I’ve been moved in for about three years.” She smiled.

“So, you’re here about Mickey?” she reached into the fridge and took out two bottles of water. She handed one to Olivia and sat on the end of the couch furthest from her.

“Yes, from the two times I’ve met him he seems to care a lot about you,” she said as Elaine eyed her carefully, she continued, “that’s good, that he has someone,”

“He said you were to talk to me about my diagnosis and how it would affect my being a witness.” She ignored the personal comment about her friendship with Mickey.

“Yes, I have been over your file, that I requested from the state, I hope you don’t mind, Mikhailo seemed to give me the okay on that one.”

“Mickey.” She corrected, “And it’s of public record, it isn’t confidential. So I don’t mind.”

She leaned her arm on the chair as Olivia opened her file. Pushing her glasses up her nose she spoke, “the diagnosis says mild PTSD, and a prescription for the anxiety, unfortunately, because your diagnosis is so recent it can’t be determined if you are fit. You would have to go through a series of meetings and evaluations that they do for witnesses but that usually takes about three weeks. We only have two.” She was greatly disappointed. She was intelligent and if it was one thing she had in common with her eldest brother Lip was that she could talk. She could talk her way out of any situation. She had a special talent in baffling people with bullshit. So yeah, she was disappointed she couldn’t help Mickey. She was more worried however about who would represent Mickey.

“You have a brother, Ian Gallagher?” Olivia asked.

“Yes,” her eyebrows rose.

“Well I also requested his file as Mr Milkovich’s name came up in the cross reference. He visited your brother in Psychiatric holding facility?”

“Yes, my brother is bipolar.”

“Right, says relationship to patient is boyfriend. Mickey told me about him. His diagnosis says four years now. Is your brother stable? Balanced medication?”

“Yeah he is but I hardly doubt they’d take him seriously.” _So they’d allow Ian to represent Mickey but not me. Bullshit._

“He can meet with a state issued psychiatrist to be deemed fit. But I'm putting him on the back burner, I need a 100% fool proof witness. I contacted his sister Mandy and she will be flying out to witness for him. We just need another since your brother isn't a guaranteed witness.” She felt a warm sense of relief at the lawyer’s words. “Mikhai-, Mickey said something about wanting his ex-wife to be there as his second witness, if she can it will be of great benefit to him”

“That won’t be happening,” she said quickly, “his son would be there but not his ex-wife.”

Olivia sensed the tension in her voice, “Okay, well is there anyone else? Preferably a woman”

“A woman? Why?” she asked.

“Well, his crime was against a woman, if the parole board sees that he has women in his corner they’d be willing to be more lenient.” She explained keeping her eyes on Elaine.

“There is one person I can ask, but she’s related to Ian and I, will that be a problem?”

“No, it won’t” she said taking a sip of her water.

 

* * *

 

She was sitting in the living room of the house she grew up in while Fiona got them beers from the fridge. Her legs are shaking, she knows the favour she is about the ask Fiona is a big one. She may say no to it. Fiona never liked Mickey but she was running out of options. _What would you do if she says no?_ She asks herself. Her phone vibrates snapping her out of her thoughts.

 

“Hello?”

 

“I’ll do it,” a heavy Russian accent spoke on the other line. Svetlana.

 

“You will?” she didn’t bother with pleasantries she was just happy to hear Svetlana change her mind.

 

“I cannot forgive myself if I don’t, I do this for baby.” She said before she hung up. Fiona was back setting the drinks on the table as she sat down on the couch.

 

“Now what was it you wanted to ask me?” she said turning on the TV.

 

“Uh, nothing, it’s nothing.” She answered leaning back into the couch.

 

“Did you forget what you were going to ask? Because I heard that’s what happens with those meds you’re on” she said sipping her beer.

 

Elaine looked at Fiona then, “You heard?”

 

Fiona was found out “Alright, I looked it up. I’m just worried, okay? I can’t help myself. I’m trying to be better. Look out for you and Ian. I’ve tried these four years you were gone. I really fucking tried with him but he pushed me away.” She nodded as silence fell over them. She didn’t pay much attention. Her mind drifted to Svetlana. She was lost in thought until Fiona spoke again, “You’d tell me right?”

 

“Tell you what?” she asked in confusion.

 

“If you’re not okay?” her voice small and concerned. Elaine didn’t answer. She couldn’t because she wasn’t okay but she couldn’t worry Fiona more and she definitely couldn’t lie to her either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave your thoughts in the comments and kudos. How do you think Mickey's hearing i going to go?


	6. Break These Shackles and Set Me Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one so get comfortable. I've written this chapter a few ways and i finally settled on this one. It was an emotional one to write especially on Ian's part that's why i want to dedicate this to Jay. my angst king. thank you for you continued support, love and encouragement and thank you for being the great friend that you are. i love you
> 
> The moment we've all been waiting for, Mickey's parole hearing. Will he be a free man?

He folds the laundry as neatly as possible, because focusing on that kept his mind from drifting too far. The inmates around him were joking around with one another. He tried his best to ignore the group that stood a couple feet away pointing and laughing. He knew people in there talked. Everyone had heard the stories that floated through from the other prison upstate. The prison his father used to be at or was at. Terry had boasted of how he beat the shit out of his faggot son. And everyone knew. They knew all of it. The beating, the part where Terry made Svetlana fuck the gay out of him and the part where he beat him in a bar full of people. No one dared to lay a hands on Mickey though. He had kept his head down. But he had made friends. Said friend being his cell mate Damon. Damon was a Mexican gangbanger in for drug trafficking and murder. He’d said that Mickey reminded him of his little brother who was also gay. So anyone who did lay a finger on Mickey had to deal with Damon after Mickey had defended himself. Mickey didn’t need anyone to fight his battles for him. He knew how to scare someone after living in South Side all his life, but it helped to have Damon on his side. Some made the rumours that Damon was territorial and that Mickey was his bitch. But Mickey ignored it. And he knows that’s the reason he was up for probation and none of those assholes were.

“Milkovich!” the guard called him and nodded his head for him to follow.

He made his way down the halls, like he would. His heart was fluttering in his chest as he thought about the chance of it being Ian. Their visit earlier in the week had gone everything far from good. Maybe it would be different this time. Maybe he worked through his anger and could talk to Ian. Fuck, why would Ian come back after how he behaved? He almost felt embarrassed for wishing it was Ian. Who the fuck stayed hung up on one person for four years? He hated that he still loved Ian. He hated that he was so wrecked and that he was ruined for anyone else. As he was about to go to the door leading to the visiting room, the guard spoke, “No, not there, private family visitors’ room.” Mickey’s eyebrows shot up as he followed the guard. He didn’t even know there was a fucking private family visiting room.

The buzzing sounded and he stepped through into a hall with blue doors lining the corridor until it was too far for him to see. The hall space was quiet and eerie, almost something out of a horror film. They walked until they met the fifth door. The guard opened it gesturing for Mickey to walk in. The guard walked in behind him closing the door and firmly placing himself in front it. Mickey entered the white room that had grass painted like a boarder around it. There were yellow chairs around a table in the far corner. A brown haired lady sat with her back toward him with someone sitting in her lap. She spoke softly to the grey haired man across from her. The grey haired man then nudged his head toward Mickey causing the woman to turn around. It was Svetlana and a little Yevgeny sitting in her lap pulling on the necklace around her neck.

Mickey hadn’t expected it but his eyes stung with the tears that were fighting to fall out. It was like a blanket of warmth had been laid over him for the first time in a century of roaming a winter storm. The sight of his son brought something over him that he had not felt, well ever. It wasn’t the warmth Ian brought to him, or the warmth he felt when he saw Mandy or Elaine. It was different. Like if suddenly there was a bullet flying he’d jump in front it for the kid. His son had gotten so big since the last time he had seen him. His stomach twisted and growled like he hadn’t eaten since the last time he saw Yevgeny four years before. “You are full on rainbow boy now? You cry for everyone to see?” Svetlana said with a soft smile creeping on her face as she stood up and walked toward him. Her smile. He missed that smile. His eyes made its way to the little brunette boy in her arms. Mickey felt like he was looking at an old photo of himself at that age. “Sit down,” Svetlana motioned for him to follow her. “We have much I like to discuss” her familiar Russian accent ringing in his ears.

“What are you doing here?” he managed to croak as she slip a bottled water to him. His eyes never leaved his son. Yevgeny’s curious blue eyes eyed Mickey, a small smile pulling at his lips.

“Orange boy and Sister show up to my place,” Svetlana spoke.

“Ian” he whispered. His heart hurting slightly at how he had treated the love of his life a few days before

“Yes, make me feel bad for not coming to see you. They ask me to come witness for you. I say no”

His face fell at her words but his eyes still never left his son. She spoke again, “This is brother-in-law, he help me leave piece of shit husband who want me have nothing to do with you, I come witness for you”

His eyes left his son for the first time and looked over at the white haired man as Svetlana continued this time placing her hand on his, “You are friend. Five years ago I’d say no, but you became friend after Yev was born. Husband hit me. You never hit me. He’s the new piece of shit.”

“Is that why you never came?” he asked looking into her eyes as she nodded. “Why are you here now?”

“You always think I don’t love you. If I didn’t care for you, would I never call police when orange boy take Yev away? Will I watch over Ian when he was in bed all day and you went to open Rub n’ Tug? No.” it was the first time she had called Ian by his name. “I did all that for you. Yes, I hated you. I hated you because I thought you didn’t think I suffered like you did. But then I saw how you look at me. You hated what I did to you. But you know I had no choice. Not with gun pressed to your temple. Your eyes, they say a lot. I don’t hate you Mikhailo. Always remember what I told you that first night you held Yev”

His eyes had dried, but his gut was still churning. Here was a woman he hated, then tolerated, then slowly learned to like.

“Baby deserves to know papa” she said bouncing the boy, “but baby steps. You see him now, maybe you hold him when out” the little child reached his hand out holding a tiny yellow car toward Mickey. Mickey took Yevgeny’s hand in his and his heart instantly melted. He had longed for that touch and this sight for what felt like an eternity. The boy’s soft warm skin shuddered slightly from Mickeys cold finger tips but he smiled at the man.

“Thank you Svet,” he used the nickname, that only he ever called her. She smiled gently. His son suddenly let out a small giggle that completely incinerated Mickey’s heart into a big puddle of goo.

 

* * *

 

The next two weeks flew by quickly. Elaine got dressed that Wednesday morning and made her way to the parole hearing. With an uneasy heart rate and sweaty palms, she waited outside the conference room. Svetlana, holding on to a sleeping Yevgeny, met her soon after wearing a worried look on her face, “Are you okay?” Elaine asked clipping her pass onto her shirt pocket.

“I got very scary text from unknown number. Think it is husband. Don’t worry Iggy said he’d handle it.” She reassured. “You stand witness?”

“No, I can’t” she simply said eyeing the front doors nervously.

“So who else stand witness for Mickey?” Svetlana was now starting to tick her off. Too many fucking questions.

“His lawyer called Mandy. She’s supposed to get in this morning and come straight here.”

The front doors swung open and to Elaine’s surprise she saw Ian. Ian clad in a fitted white shirt neatly tucked into his grey suit pants, a black tie around his neck. He was shrugging off his heavy coat when she approached him.

“What the fuck? You didn’t tell me you were coming? I thought you had work?” she scolded although she was all too happy that Ian had come to support Mickey.

“Olivia called me a week ago. She asked if I would talk to the psychiatrist so I can be a back-up witness. She called an hour ago and said Mandy’s flight got delayed until tomorrow due to the weather.”

“You’re gonna be a witness? They cleared you?” it was honestly the last thing she had expected.

“Mhm” he murmured fiddling with the waist of his pants.

They all made their way in to the room greeted by a long metal table with four chairs occupied by three older looking men and a middle age woman. The Parole Commission. They all were dressed professionally and wore serious glum looks on their faces. Olivia stood when they walked in and she led them to their seats which faced the commission. Directly in front the commission’s table, was another with two seats. One which Olivia moved back to. The room was silent until the door cracked open and Mickey stepped through, in black suit pants and grey long sleeved shirt and handcuffs securing his hands behind his back. It was the first time Elaine had seen him without a sheet of glass between them. She wanted so badly to run toward him and wrap her hands around him. He looked at them with eyes that glistened as they were weld up with tears. Then his eyes fixated on her brother beside her. And that’s when his first tear fell.

 

* * *

 

Mickey stood in the centre of the room until the guard removed the handcuffs, he took his seat turning back to sneak a glimpse of his sleeping child and Ian. Two weeks before he had seen Ian. A rush of anger had over taken him and he lost himself. But his eyes landed on Ian for the second time in two weeks and it was like he was seeing him for the first time. Drinking in his every feature. It was the first time Mickey didn’t feel that impending doom he had lingering over him for the past four years. Missing Ian came in waves. One minute he was above the surface, calm and collected. And then he’d be drowning. Being toppled over by each wave suffocating in his dead of sadness. But now he was feeling like he had just come up for a breath of fresh air. Like Ian had reached in the abyss and pulled him ashore. He was grounded. Safe. Whole again.

He nervously sat and shook his head as the Commission spoke about his crime that he read from his file. He asked him questions that Mickey tried his best to answer without giving away how nervous he was.

 

What were his intentions?

Why did he hide the body?

Did he feel any remorse?

All questions that tired him.

 

Then it was Ian being called to the podium to the left of Mickey. His tall, lean body taking him in long strides toward the podium. When Ian was being spoken to Mickey never looked away from him, the way he held his head high. He’d never seen this side of Ian. The closest thing he had seen to this was when he’d watch Ian in ROTC training all of seven years before. He voice was serious especially when they questioned him about his illegal time in the army. Mickey drank in every feature, every curve of his body. He started feeling that longing to be closer to Ian. Holding him. Smelling him. It was the same feeling he got when he was suffering the withdrawals of nicotine. The shaking, the uneasiness, like he was about to jump out of his skin. He was about to answer the question, “What kind of person would you say Mr Milkovich is?” when the door opened and Iggy walked in taking a seat next to Svetlana. He had a swollen blue-black eye. Bruises stretched from his face down his neck. His lip, cheek and forehead were decorated with lacerations. He stole the attention of the entire commission. The room had resorted to a deafening silence. Mickey’s attention that had been fixated on Ian was now on his red headed twin. She had tears in her eyes as she looked at Iggy but more so Mickey saw the anger in her eyes. He read her expression carefully, she wasn’t shocked at the sight, she was sad and angered. She knew who had done that to Iggy and she was blaming herself. Mickey could tell it all from the look on her face.

The woman at the table asked the question again and Ian looked away from Iggy as he spoke settling his gaze on Mickey who now met his eye, “He was the best friend I could ever ask for. He has had a very difficult childhood. No one showed him love growing up yet he has the deepest capability to love, more than anyone I know. As you will be able to tell from the paper in front you, I am bipolar. I have been struggling with it for four years now. When Mickey found out, he took care of me. Better than my own siblings did. He’s got rough edges but who doesn’t living where we do. He’s got a big heart. His son deserves the opportunity to know his father, and to feel that love because Mickey has a lot of it to give.” Ian smiled gently at him. His eyes didn’t leave Mickey’s even when he was being asked to take is seat.

Svetlana’s turn was next and Mickey watched as she handed Yev off to Ian. Yevgeny stirred from his sleep and then latched onto the collar of Ian’s shirt. Mickey longed to be the one his son was latching on to. But he also longed to be the one latching on “Who are you in relation to Mr Milkovich?”

“Ex-wife, mother of his son,” her Russian accent was heavy but she made a greater effort to form proper sentences.

“You are Russian ma’am?”

“Yes”

“What kind of father was Mr Milkovich in the time he spent with your son?” Mickey’s stomach dropped as the question was asked. Svetlana looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile. “Like any other nineteen year old father, scared. He tried his best in the situation, as did I. He has the ability to love despite what has been thrown his way. An abusive father, a dead mother, and a baby at nineteen. Mickey is good person, he has the kindest eyes. Never once has he raised a hand to hit me. His patience is thin but no matter how I push him, he never treated me badly. He loves our baby. Maybe even more than he understands.”

Mickey eyes couldn’t leave Svetlana now. He was like a kid who had gone to Disneyland for the first time, gaping at everyone. She sugar coated and she danced around a lot but he could tell she meant what she said. The commission was looking behind Mickey as the eldest man spoke, “Young man, can you please step forward.” Iggy wasn’t prepared but he quickly stood and walked forward. “Who are you in relation to Mr Milkovich?”

“His brother” Iggy’s voice was rough and pained.

“Why are you at my hearing looking like someone beat you to a pulp?” the man asked blatantly.

“Because someone did,” he answered with a smart-ass grin.

“Who did?” the room went tense and cold like the winter snow was suddenly breaking through the glass.

“Our dad” Iggy’s voice was soft but audible. Mickey’s eyes were now overflowing as he gripped the edge of his chair his knuckles whitening. Terry had done this to Iggy. “Why?” the man asked. Iggy looked back at mickey.

“Because he found out I gave Elaine Svet’s address so she could come here.” Mickey looked down at his shaking feet as his brother spoke.

“Why would he do that?” the Commissioner inquired.

Mickey was standing now and answering before Iggy could, “Because that’s what he does. I’m gay. And he hates that about me. He thinks I should rot in jail, with no chance of getting out _because_ I’m gay. He doesn’t want me to have what makes me happy. He never has. That’s why he beat me when I came out until he was thrown back into jail. That’s why he beat me with a gun until I was unconscious because he found me with a guy.” Mickey stopped realising he probably just blew his chance at getting parole. He was speaking out of turn. He sat back down rubbing at his eyes. His tattooed knuckles out for everyone to see. _Fuck_. He blew it. He just knew it.

“Young man, what is your name?” the woman spoke to Iggy

“Igor Milkovich” it was the first time Iggy had ever introduced himself like that for Mickey to hear. And it made a small smile creep onto his face. _Man, Terry really fucked Iggy over with that name._

“Well, you may have your seat Igor.”

The proceedings carried on, they asked more questions and then before he knew it the guard was slapping the cuffs back on him and leading him back out.

They all dispersed from the room after Mickey was taken away. Olivia had reassured them that it went well and then she was running out as she was late for a meeting with a client.  Elaine couldn’t peel her eyes off Iggy. She kept fighting the tears back. “You don’t have to go back there, you could stay with me if you want,” she said as they made their way into the cold streets.

“Nah, I made some calls before I got here. I’m hoping he’s gone by the time I get there,” he said holding his coat tightly to his chest.

“What do you mean?”

“I called his probation officer, he said he’d make a stop by the house. If Terry’s not straight he’s goin’ back in for a long time.” He then looked up to meet her eyes that were heavy with worry and concern. “I’m fine, you’ve got enough on your plate to worry about with Mickey. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve been fine on my own for a while now.” She flinched at the despotic sound of his voice as crossed the street before she could protest anymore. Svetlana left shortly after leaving her and Ian at the sidewalk.

“Hey, I’m proud of you, coming today, doing what you did, I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy” she said wrapping her hand around her brother’s waist.

“Actually, it’s the easiest thing I’ve done thus far. I needed to do this. After all he is in there because of me”

“Hey, stop doing that. Mickey doesn’t blame you for that. He made his choice. You didn’t ask for him to do that.”

“Uhm, I guess… I had to take a couple hours off my shift to be here so I got to go. They won’t give me the entire shift off. Get home safe?” He kissed her forehead, “Oh and all the letters you wrote, they’re in my closet home if you wanna get them. I figured you’d want to have them, or give them to him or whatever.” She watched her brother hurriedly make his way down the street, trying his best to hide the pain in his face.

* * *

 

After passing by the Gallagher house and collecting a pillow case filled with the letters from her brother’s closet, she started her walk home. She wasn’t very fond of the cold but it helped her think. Olivia had said they would have a decision in three days. She had to get through three days of the nervous, uneasy feeling before she could know if Mickey had been granted or denied probation. When she made it back to her apartment she quickly shed off her clothes that had become damp with snow and made her way to the kitchen to make coffee.

She sat on the couch sipping her coffee staring into the mug. Her mind drifted to Mickey and she allowed it to. Basking in the thought that she may soon be making new memories with him.

_It was a hot summer night and all the Gallaghers were having their regular pool party. She had only stayed for an hour or two and decided that she’d take a walk. She had just found out that her boyfriend of two months was screwing girls on the side and she just needed to clear her head. She kept walking pulling on her cigarette until she idly ended up in front the Milkovich house. She knew Mandy was at the pool party and Terry was out of town with the boys on a coke run. Mickey had mentioned he wasn’t sure to go. She climbed the stairs knocking on the door waiting for an answer. She heard laughing from inside and decided to let herself in like she always did. The Milkovich home was her second home after all._

_“Mickey?” she called out but he never answered. She heard his voice coming from his bedroom so she walked up swinging it open. To her surprise she found Ian hovering over Mickey on the bed, both wearing no clothes at all. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” she yelled causing both boys to jump off the bed. Mickey’s face had gone pale as he quickly started slipping his clothes on. Ian had already pulled his pants on and was at the door._

_“El, I can explain.” He pointed._

_“Explain what? That you’re fucking my best friend!” she laughed sarcastically as she walked back into the living room scratching the back of her neck. Mickey had walked out the bedroom grabbing his coat and running out the house._

_“Mickey!” She shouted as she turned running after him, Ian was quickly on her heels. She turned back almost crashing into him, “Stay here Ian, let me deal with it,”_

_“You’re not shocked? Mad?” Ian asked._

_“Shocked that you’re gay? No. Shock that you’re screwing Mickey? Yes. Mad that you’ve been lying to me? Fuck Yes!” she walked off leaving Ian alone at the front on the Milkovich house in nothing but his jeans._

_She walked the streets for a while looking for Mickey until she decided to go to the last place he could possibly be. The abandoned building four blocks down that they go when they get high. She climbed the stairs until she was at the fifth floor. She heard the sound of a can being kicked from the empty broken down room. She walked until she could see him crouched on the floor with his head in his hands. His hands were shaking as he kneaded his hands into his eyes. She sat next to him placing a hand on his shoulder, “Mick” she said._

_He pushed her hands away as he pulled his hands from his face. He nudged his knuckles at his nose rubbing at it. He looked at her with a serious face now, biting at his lower lip. She sighed folding her legs in front her. He looked away staring ahead while she looked at him. His profile was stern, like a mask hiding a thousand years of pain. She sighed, “I know. I’ve known for a while”_

_His eyes widened, “You know what?” his voice was harsh but scared._

_“About you,” she said softly reaching into her pocket for her pack of Marlboro’s. She placed one between her lips lighting it. She pulled, breathing in the smoke letting it intoxicate her lungs. She handed him the cigarette as she breathed the smoke out._

_“I’m not –” he shook his head unable to say it._

_“Okay, you don’t have to say it.” she reached her hand placing it on his knee, “look at me, you don’t have to say it, not to me.” He handed her back the cigarette letting his head fall back against the wall. “How long with Ian?”_

_“Since I stole the gun from Kash and Grab?” he answered honestly._

_“Wait that’s like over a year ago. What the fuck? Were you ever going to tell me?” she was hurt. They told each other everything. But this was something they never talked about. They often discussed her love life but never his. She knew why so she never pushed him._

_Mickey was silent except for his heavy inhaling and exhaling. She looked at him as he stared ahead then he spoke, “No, I wasn’t going to tell you. Not until I was sure…” His brow furrowed together. “Until I was sure it wasn’t just a sex thing.”_

_“Is it? Just a sex thing?” she asked outing the cigarette on the concrete floor._

_“No” he simply stated. She leaned her head against his shoulder as she breathed out a loud sigh._

_“Do you hate me because I’m…” he said into the silence._

_She let out a soft laugh that took him by surprise, “You do realise the other guy who was on top is my twin brother right? If I’m going to hate you for that, I’ll have to hate him.”_

_His mood lightened a bit and he smiled “right”_

_“How’d you know? About me?” he then asked fiddling with his thumbs._

_“Our first kiss,”_

_“That was five years ago,”_

_She was nodding, “I saw how upset you were after and how you looked at Terry. After that I started putting the pieces together.”_

_He nodded robbing his hand on his neck._

_“Why didn’t you tell me that the reason you kissed me was because Terry was there?”_

_“I figured you’d think it was stupid...”_

_“No. it wasn’t, we do what we must to survive.” She turned her face to him as he finally looked her in her eyes. “Are we still friends?” he asked almost a whisper._

_“The best kind there is. But seriously…Ian? Of all the guys?” as she said Ian’s name she saw something in Mickey’s eyes she’d never seen before. Something she couldn’t put words to, “do you love him?”_

_Mickey looked away, taking a cigarette from the box she placed on the floor, lighting it and taking a drag. He never answered with words but his eyes did._

She knew when he was out he’d need somewhere to stay. He couldn’t go back to that house, he needed a new start. She pulled her laptop from the coffee table and opened it. She ordered a bed and a mattress for delivery the next day. She went into the second bedroom and looked around at all the boxes she had lying around. And she started cleaning. It turned 1:00 am and she was still cleaning. She wiped the dresser she had gotten delivered from storage that week and pushed it until it was in the right place. She was about to move the night stand when she heard her phone ringing in the kitchen. Running to catch it in time she saw it read _Iggy_. “Hello?”

“He’s gone, the fucking bastard is gone!” he chimed into the phone.

“I’m taking it that you’re celebrating?” she laughed

“You fucking bet I am” Iggy laughed.

“You drunk calling me now? Is this going to become a habit” she joked.

“I didn’t hear you complaining before, when I’d call and I’d tell you much I lov-“

“Hey I was meaning to ask you, did you deal with Svetlana’s husband?” she interrupted him hoping his drunken state would make him forget what he was saying. She didn’t want him to say something that would lead her on and then to hear he didn’t mean it.

“Oh, it wasn’t him. Me and some boys went down to his office. He says he’s glad to get the divorce. He’s got no more business being married to a Russian whore. So I had Jessica, that girl Jamie been seeing who works at the phone company, look into it, she said the phone was purchased by a Henry Clyde. Don’t know who it is. I figured it’s probably just one of her old Johns who’s a little too obsessed.”

“Okay, well I’ll call you tomorrow. Have fun celebrating” she hung up. Henry Clyde the name sounded familiar but she couldn’t remember where she’d seen it before.

She took a break from readying Mickey’s room and sat on the couch. She turned the television on as background noise as she emptied the pillow case of letters on the coffee table.

A series of brown banker styled envelopes. All with the same postage stamp and the same address. Not a single on opened. She thumbed through them trying to order them by date when a change in colour caught her eye. The envelope was a subtle cream colour, tattered and crinkled in every which way. There was no address printed on the front and not postage stamp or date. She took her pocket knife out and slipped it under the fold of the envelope. Ripping it open she found an old page just as weathered as the envelope. Unfolding it she saw Ian’s handwriting, his slightly slanted to the left handwriting that would leave the lines for a few words and then settle back onto its restraints. Should she even be reading this? She wasn’t someone who pried but she couldn’t help herself.

 

_Dear Mickey,_

_I boarded the bus at 9 am. And I came through the gate. I made it there. But I turned around at security and walked right out. I came home and I lay in bed for two weeks._

_Then one day I woke with a sudden new outlook on life. Everything seemed perfect but when I turned over in bed, you weren’t there. So lay in bed for a week more._

_I’ve been working at the club again. It makes me feel loved. Wanted. Validated. Those men need me or at least they make me feel like it. If I give them what they want, maybe they’ll give me what I want. Company. It’s the only place that I can let everything go. Set it all free. Be anyone. They still call me Curtis. Curtis is happy. But I’m not. I haven’t taken my meds since the day I was arrested by the Military. That’s a total of 8 months now. No one cares. Elaine’s gone._

_Fiona tries. But she isn’t the one I want to help me._

_I need you and I don’t know how to let myself come to you._

_My world is crumbling fast and I can’t come to you. You’ll never want me anyway. You are where you because of me. There’s not a day I don’t think of you. I hate myself because of where you are._

_Last night I left the house for the first time in three weeks. I walked through the cold night and I stood at DuSable Bridge. I stepped on the edge and I was ready to jump. How can I deserve to live? Not when there wasn’t a person insight fighting to have me around. Not when I caused the only man I ever loved to be locked away. Not when I can’t even grow the balls to walk through security to see him._

_There was a loud crash and I became startled that my legs began to quiver beneath me. I thought I was going to fall. And that’s when I knew I didn’t want to die. Not if living meant that I’d get to see you again. 8 years you said? I’ll wait. I’ll wait 8 years. I’ll wait a millennia. I saved a woman on the bridge that night. And it gave me something. Feeling. That’s why I’m now filling out an application to do an EMT exam. I’m going to put myself together so one day I am worthy of your love._

_Love,_

_Ian._

She knew shouldn’t have read it. But a million thoughts spun through her mind. Ian tried to kill himself and no one knew. Ian had been trying to put himself back together for Mickey. She folded the letter placing it in her purse on the floor. Who did she talk to first? Did she give Ian the letter back? Did she put it in his room and pretend she didn’t see it? Did she tell Mickey? Or did she go straight to Fiona and yell at her for not taking better care of him?

She lay all night like that. Thinking and thinking and thinking.

 

* * *

 

_Two days later_

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! Her alarm sounded off. She leaned over turning it off. She had no reason for an alarm as she never slept but she kept it for some form of normalcy. She made her way to the kitchen to make coffee. She picked the mail up from the front mat and made her way back to the kitchen. Zzzz. zzzz. Zzzz. Her phone vibrated on the kitchen counter as it rattled against her keys. “Hello?”

“Are you coming to pick me up or do I have to catch the city bus?” a familiar voice joked on the other end.

“Mickey? I’ll be there as soon as I can”

“I’m at South Parole Office, pick me up there.” The line cut off and she was hustling to slip clothes on. It had been two days since his parole hearing and the lawyer said she’d call if there were any updates. Obviously she didn’t fucking do that.

Her mind raced as she drove Kev’s truck that she borrowed to haul her furniture with, to the office. Her heart was racing and she couldn’t contain her excitement. She pounded her fist on the steering blaring the horn by accident. It wasn’t long before she was parked outside the old state building waiting. Then she saw him, wearing the same outfit he wore when they arrested him all those years ago. He was smiling a big grin when he saw her leaning on the truck. He closed the space between them wrapping his arms around her waist. She enveloped him in her arms and nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck. A chorus of giggles and laughter escaped her mouth. He pulled back looking at her face, then moved and planted a kiss on her cheek. “It’s so fucking good to see you,”

“Come on, let’s go home”

“Home,” he said nodding and getting into the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! leave comments and kudos if you love where it's going so far.


	7. Will this Crack of Thunder Drown Out My Pain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been asked to participate in a self love challenge. So far i have dedicated a chapter to a friend near and dear to my heart, but for Chapter 7, seeing that it's a very important one for me personally i have decided to dedicate this one to me. We all face things in life whether it be ugly or pretty and it shapes us all into the people that we are. i felt it necessary for me to tell a story through my character of Elaine and i thank you all for supporting and loving her so far. It is important that we learn to love ourselves even the broken parts because they are what makes you unique quirky and well you.

Mickey was now a free man. One on probation, but a free man. He stepped out from the building into the wintery morning. There she stood leaning against a red truck a pale mess. She was clutching to her parka tightly around her waist as she kicked the snow at her feet. She looked up and their eyes met. Something leapt inside him and he was making his way toward her. He was finally a free man, walking the streets of Chicago.

When they were settled in the heat of the truck he looked over at her smiling, “What?” she asked.

“It’s really good to be out. Free.”

“Let me see it” she said turning her body to face him. He placed his leg onto the dashboard pulling his jeans leg up to reveal the ankle monitor. “That looks so much better than a fucking cell”

“You fucking bet it does.” Mickey didn’t know what tomorrow would bring him. Fuck, he didn’t even know what today would bring him, he was just happy to be free.

She pulled out into the road and drove quietly. She sneaked a glance at him and frowned when she noticed his mood fall, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he tried to play it off but not convincingly enough. He looked over at her to realise she was staring at him while she drove. “A’right, if I tell you will you put your fucking eyes on the road? I don’t want to kick the fucking bucket before I could have a decent meal.”

When she turned her attention to the road and he was satisfied he continued, “I can’t stop thinking about Iggy, fuck, I’m thinking about the fact that I got to go back there,”

She smiled unexpectedly, “The fuck you smiling about?” he snapped.

“Iggy is fine. Terry is back in prison, you have nothing to worry about. And you’re not going back there,”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I figured you could stay with me until you wanted to move out, it’s a three bedroom, a lot of space,”

“We’d be living together?” he asked scratching his head

“Yeah, is that okay?”

“I guess, wouldn’t it be weird if your family came by? Like I don’t know, Ian…”

“No one really visits…. The only one who ever comes by is Debbie and that’s because she’s just glad she doesn’t have to pay someone to watch Franny. And either way, you and Ian are going to meet sooner or later.” He wanted that, to see Ian again. He kept thinking of the things Ian said at his hearing. The things Ian said when he visited him in prison. _I still love you._ Ian had made it clear that he still loved Mickey. He said it to him, he showed up, but Mickey didn’t know if he was ready. _What if Ian decided like he did all those years ago that he no longer wanted me, what am I to do then?_

When they got to the apartment complex that’s when it dawned upon Mickey. He was going to be sleeping in a real bed tonight. He didn’t have to wake to the annoying buzzer in prison, he didn’t have to wake up see a half-naked Damon in a confined space anymore. They got upstairs and Elaine unlocked the door. As they entered Mickey could already see the place being a home. There were boxes piled in a corner of the living room but the space still looked clean. Anything looked fucking clean compared to his childhood home. The living area wasn’t extremely large but it was nice. The open concept kitchen-living area looked out unto a park through large windows. There weren’t curtains up allowing for a naturally lit room. Daylight. Something he didn’t see much of.

“You gonna stare at the window or follow me on your tour?” Elaine joked as she pulled him in the direction of the short hallway on the right. They passed a guest bathroom, and empty room on the left and hers to right. At the ending of the corridor was a door partially closed. She pushed it open revealing a decent sized room with a door leading to a shared bathroom.

It was spacious even with the bed at the centre. “Uhm all the drawers are filled with some of your old clothes that Fiona dropped by, they were still at our house, but the first two are some new stuff I got you, and there are toiletries in the bathroom that I also got. I’m not sure what you still liked so I got a couple different stuff.”

He stood there looking around. The room was clean. The sheets were new and white. He sat on the edge of the bed sinking into its softness. He’d never slept on a new mattress, and he couldn’t remember a bed being this soft. She made her way over to him sitting next to him. “If it’s not comfortable I’ve got returns until next week, we could swap it out for a new one.”

He looked at her shaking his head and then stood up opening the top two drawers, new clothes were folded neatly in organized piles. “Fuck” he muttered. He never owned brand new clothes, it was always hand-me-downs from his brothers or whatever they got at Goodwill. He’s never lived anywhere but his shitty childhood home, prison or juvie. That’s not counting the brief few months spent living in the Gallagher house. _Gallagher. Fuck. Ian. Fuck._ He suddenly felt her arms on his shoulder rubbing them. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, thanks, for this, for everything.” he turned embracing her.

“Come one don’t go all mushy on me,” she pulled back smiling, “Get some sleep Svetlana’s coming by tomorrow with Yev.”

She made her way out the room closing the door behind her.

He walked into the bathroom. On the other end there was a door opening into her bedroom. He closed it and locked it behind him. He looked himself in the mirror, he could see the free man staring back at him. But the longer he stared he saw Ian. _Fuck. Ian._ He was all Mickey could find himself thinking of. When the handcuffs were slapped onto his wrist all those years ago, his thoughts of being free again would be in Ian’s arms. He was quite far from Ian’s arms right now.

He looked down on the counter. There was a new tooth brush in its pack, two different bottles of body wash, and one of those netty ball things girls used to scrub their bodies. He peeled his clothes off stepping into the shower. He turned the hot water on letting in stream down his naked body. It might have been too hot but he relaxed all his muscles. Soothing years of discomfort. He soaped himself and washed off.

After shutting the water off, he grabbed the towel hanging on the back of his door, he dried himself off and then wrapped it around his waist walking into his new bedroom. He pulled out a new pair of boxers and a pair of socks, as he rummaged through the t-shirt draw his hand pulled at a familiar cloth. Mickey pulled and the last piece of clothing he’d expected to see was what came out. The beige Henley shirt that definitely didn’t belong to him. It was Ian’s the one he had worn so many times before. The one he wore under that plaid button up when he was arrested by MPs, and when he ran away with Monica or when he broke up with Mickey. It was the closest thing he had to the redhead. He didn’t bother wondering how Fiona could have mistaken Ian’s shirt for his. He slipped it on revelling in its warmth. It didn’t smell exactly like Ian, but it smelt like the inside of the Gallagher house and that was close enough for him. It wasn’t long before he was under the warm sheets, feeling as though he was laying on clouds as opposed to his broken cot in prison that felt like a fucking brick wall. He settled lying with only one thought, _Ian_. Was he to assume Ian being at his hearing meant he wanted him? Why not come by all those years before? _I still love you._ Ian’s words playing like a lullaby putting him to sleep.

* * *

 

It had been about 9 days since his release and they had been getting in the hang of a routine. He would wake every morning to Elaine cooking them a breakfast and then she’d go off to work until two in the afternoon. He usually stayed around the apartment looking through the paper in hopes of finding a job. In one day he’d be off house arrest. Then he would have a total of twenty more days to find a job or his parole officer would be finding one for him. He honestly didn’t want that because then he’d end up working something he didn’t want and he preferred not knowing what that something was. He skimmed the paper daily but all he came up with cesspit cleaners and coffee baristas. While he was desperate, he was also fucking squeamish so he refused even checking out the cesspit job and then he was looking for something other than the coffee thing. He tucked it in the back of his mind as his back-up plan. Between looking for a job and seeing Ian in everything he did we was about losing his mind. He’d see Ian when his eyes were closed, when he took a shower, when he ate lasagne (that Elaine made and forced him to eat for the past two nights). He saw Ian everywhere except for physically in front him.

Their nights usually consisted of ordering takeout or making simple mundane dinners like that fucking lasagne. Mandy had come by and visited for two days until her job was a beckoning call. While he enjoyed seeing his sister, he was happy she had gotten out. He had been surprised that none of her family had been by other than Debbie. She came by the second day to pick her daughter up after Elaine had collected her from day-care. Svetlana came by the first day, to his disappointment, without Yev and it was honestly the only thing he was looking forward to, seeing his son. She claimed it was to see how he was putting his life together and that in a few days she would bring his son by. She hadn’t stayed long until she was hustling back to the North Side. It was all fucking quiet. Mickey didn’t do well with quiet. He need things moving. But he was going to be in the house for another fucking week.

The crack of thunder jolted Mickey out of his sleep on the fifth night. He sat up to see the lightning flash outside his window illuminating the shadows on the walls. The rain was pounding down on the glass and the air had gone crisp. Mickey hated rain during winter but he always loved a good thunder storm. He would wake up at nights during thunder storms as a child and sit at the window sill relishing in the sight. It quickly became a habit when he and Elaine became friends. They’d schedule their time to hang out when there were thunder storms and then just sit there staring like it was a blockbuster movie.

He suddenly felt the urgency to relieve his bladder so he shrugged the white sheet of his body and made his way to the bathroom. As he stood up his head spun and a pain shot through it. After being in prison and suffering the withdrawals of nicotine he started suffering from the worst headaches that stuck around long after he had quit the habit (a habit he wasted no time picking back up). He rubbed at his temple walking to the light shining through the cracked bathroom door. The cold air caressing his half naked body. He grabbed Ian’s shirt he always kept around as he walked in. He noticed the door from the bathroom to Elaine’s bedroom opened and her bed was empty and made like no one had slept in it. He opened the medicine cabinet above him to take two Advil capsules for his headache when he saw the two orange prescription pill bottles that looked all too familiar to him. The sight knotted his stomach sending flashes of memories of Ian through his head. His hand grazed over the bottles and he grabbed one to read it. GALLAGHER, ELAINE. ZOLOFT 50mg TAKE 1 TABLET A DAY. That’s when he felt like he could see Ian’s reflection behind him in the full length mirror to his right. He blinked his eyes and read it again looking at the date that read two months ago. He looked over the bottle realising its contents were packed to brim. Not even half empty.

He heard a shuffle in the living room and quickly placed the bottle back onto the shelf reaching for the Advil. He walked into the living area to grab a water from the fridge when he saw her sitting on the couch, in complete darkness, with her knees tucked to her chest, staring out through the window at the sky. He quickly downed the capsules followed by half the bottled water and made his way to the couch. He plopped down beside her placing his water onto the coffee table reaching for the cigarette from the pack they kept there. He thought was doing well for himself, keeping away from it and although she tried to hide that she still smoked he still smelt it on her. He easily gave in to the temptation by the second night and lit one up.

They sat in silence like they usually did during a thunder storm, letting the rain and the thunder do all the talking for them. He breathed in his cigarette letting the nicotine sink into his bloodstream. He breathed out and decided he had to ask her, “Are you okay?” he asked into the silence. His soft question quickly followed by a bright flash of lightning and the crackling of thunder.

She scoffed almost refusing to answer. Instead she reached forward waving her fingers for him to give her the cigarette. He did and turned his face to watch hers, slightly illuminated by the light from the window. The rest of the room dark and quiet. She wasn’t going to answer and he knew that. They both did that out of habit. When they asked the other a question, and the answer was either too hard to say or most likely a lie they resorted to silence. He changed his question, “You don’t sleep much do you?” he looked at her as she flicked the cigarette above the ashtray her eyes locked on the burning butt. “What? You think I wouldn’t notice? Just like I wouldn’t notice the two filled bottles of pills that you haven’t touched?” his words coming out quicker and louder than he intended. She winced at his words and then followed with a sigh as she leaned back into the couch. He could see hurt written each crease between her furrowed brows.

When she spoke it was soft almost inaudible if Mickey wasn’t sat so close to her, “Was kinda hoping you were too caught up in your own shit that you won’t realize….”

“Why don’t you take them?” he asked his voice more gentle than before as his hand moved up to move the strand of hair from her face tucking it behind her ear. She shrugged, “don’t like how it makes me feel,”

He scoffed, “that’s what you brother used to say,”

“He was right, they fucking suck. They make me all drowsy and shit…I can’t allow myself to feel like that” the last part of her sentence sounding harsh and sharp but sad and broken.

“Why not? Won’t it be good for you to get some sleep?” the worry in his voice was heavy and his eyes trailed her face looking for some unsaid answer. It was a worry Mickey forgot he was capable of showing.

She shook her head unable to use words. She outed the tiny butt in the ashtray and reached for a new one lighting it with the lighter from the coffee table. Mickey couldn’t help but think about what could possibly be going through her mind. He remembered them all rallying years ago for Ian to take his meds. She knew the importance of them, she knew what could happen if she didn’t take it. Although he knew it wasn’t what Ian had, he knew it was pretty fucking close. Even one of their meds were the same. She said she couldn’t _allow_ herself to feel drowsy. Mickey wasn’t dumb, he knew it simply meant she didn’t want to sleep. “Is it nightmares you’re afraid of?” he asked.

The silence went unbothered.

The only sounds were the rain hammering down on the glass. “Fuck Elaine! What the fuck did you see over there that has you shutting me out like this? Because this isn’t what we do. We shut the world out but not each other!” he was loud almost drowning out the sound of the rain. She finally looked at him with widened eyes that were filled with sadness and something else that Mickey couldn’t quite name. She let out a louder sigh as she bit down on her knuckle. Something she did when she was about the cry. But the motion couldn’t stop the tears from falling. They fell fast soaking into her grey hooded sweatshirt. He reached forward catching the next cascading tear from her cheek.

“Shit! I didn’t mean to make you cry. Fuck! I’m sorry,” he said shuffling forward pulling her into his arms. The rain had eased then and they were now sitting so close their folded knees overlapping each other’s and their faces a few inches apart. She brought the cigarette to his face and placed it between his lips for him to pull at it before she put it to her own lips.

“I was stationed at Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan. We had just returned from securing a terrorist who bombed a whole fucking village of civilians,” she paused scratching at the back of her neck. Mickey’s hand reached to squeeze her knee in assurance that she was home and safe. “I uh I had just seen a kid, who couldn’t be more than seven get his fucking head blown off.”

“Fuck” Mickey mutter under his breath. She nodded, “Yeah, as you can guess I was pretty torn up about it. The team got back and I just wanted to crash for the night. My bunk mate was out on another mission so I was alone. I bawled my eyes out that night until I fell asleep….. 2200 the clock had when I was awoken by a hand grasping my mouth and someone choking me.” Her voice became timid and husky. Mickey tensed up as she continued, “I opened my eyes to find my sergeant over me shoving his knee into my ribcage…. He-he took my clothes off….  f-forced himself on me…held a gun to my head, told me he’d shoot me if I made a sound. He-he...” that’s when she broke, the sobs coming out broken and breathy. Tears streaming down her face. Mickey could feel his fist clenching behind her shoulders. His anger bubbling inside him. He pushed it away because she needed him. “He took his pocket knife and uh, he,” she reluctantly shifted, hiking up the hem of her sweater to showed the scars. Long lacerations than stretched from her shoulder blade around to her side then down disappearing under the waistband of her sweatpants. “What the fuck?!” Mickey exclaimed when he saw the marks on her body. “Where the fuck is he?” he was fuming. Elaine was his sister as far as he was concerned and no one fucks with his family.

“Probably a Sergeant Major now” she scoffed a sarcastic chuckled behind her tears.

“He still has his fucking job?” Mickey had become angry, “He fucking …he fucking _raped_ you and no one thought to chop his goddamn dick off?”

“Trust me I thought of it. I even tried filing a report against him but before I could he had already made a complaint that I wasn’t of sound mind and they should check me due to my family’s medical history. Plus, did you ever chop Terry’s dick off?”

“Terry didn’t do the fucking, and I wanted to do more than chop his dick off but you know I couldn’t”

“Exactly, I couldn’t either”

“Wait, wait, you said he told them you weren’t of sound mind? You mean he did this to you and then thought it was a good idea to make people think you’re crazy?” his words were being spat out as he was now standing pacing the living room. His teeth clawing at his bottom lip as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He stopped when he felt her presence near him. He opened his eyes to find her staring up at him as she stood in front him. “Hey, look this is why I didn’t want to tell you because you’d be thinking of a thousand ways to kill him and you can’t.”

“A million at best. You’re my fucking family, no one gets away with doing that.”

She sighed slumping her shoulders as he pulled her into his chest nestling his head into her hair. “Is that why you don’t want to fall asleep? Are you scared you’ll see him?” she nodded against his chest before pulling away and taking a sip of the water she had on the table.

“Who else knows?”

“Just you, I can’t tell Fiona she’ll have me committed, Lip is fucking off doing his own shit. And I can’t put that on Ian. He’ll-”

“He might go manic.” Mickey finished, his mind going for the millionth time for the night on Ian.

Mickey stepped closer holding her shoulders steadying himself as he looked her in the eye, “Listen to me, I’m here okay? You are safer than you ever were. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, do you hear me?” he then turned hot on his heels and made his way into the bathroom and grabbed the bottles from the cabinet and made his back to her. “And you’re going to fucking take this… because you and I both know what can happen if you don’t. We don’t need you stealing Yev and running away like Ian did…okay? Promise me you’ll do this, if not for you, for me, for Ian.” he pleaded before she reluctantly grabbed the bottles from him and made her way to the kitchen to get something to eat before she took it. He looked at her while she made a sandwich propping himself on the counter of the now lit kitchen. She turned to him waving the butter knife as she spoke, “I’ll take it…under one condition,”

His eyebrows rose in question as he gestured for his hand for her to continue, “Anything for you to take those pills,”

She turned her back to him as she continued buttering her bread, “Talk to Ian,”

“Anything except that,” he stated bluntly.

“I know he came by to see you, he told me. Said it didn’t really go well.”

“Yeah, all the more reason not to talk to him yet. Let shit calm down.”

He eyed her as she walked away from him to rummage through her purse. When she pulled out a white envelope she walked back over to him. “I didn’t know when the right time would be. It’s from Ian” She placed the envelope in his hands and turned to continue making her sandwich.

“Why do you have this?” he toyed with the envelope in his hands, thumbing its every crease and wrinkle.

 “I found it before you got released, when I asked him about it, he said to give it to you when the time is right. I don’t know if it will ever be.”

“Why not give it to me himself?”

“Because he thinks that you hate him Mickey. So he’s staying away”

She turned back to him her lips pouting as she pleaded with her eyes, “fine, fine. I’ll talk to him, what the fuck do I say? It’s been four years”

“Read that, I’m sure the words will come to you when you do.”

 

* * *

 

She was sat at the corner booth of Patsy’s Pies as she saw Daren walk in and make his way over to her. He looked different. His beard was no longer grown out and his hair was cut and styled. He bounced over sliding in the seat opposite her.

He flashed a smile as he perused through the menu, “How are you?”

“Good, you?”           

“Oh, me? I’m fine. I must say I thought something might be wrong when you called, you sounded a little worried. Is everything not okay at work because I can talk to my brother if you’d want?” He rambled as he turned over the menu.

“Daren, hey I’m fine, the job’s great, thanks,” with that Fiona came by seeing that she owned the place and took their orders. She smirked at them and winked as she filled their coffees.

“Do you know the waitress, or is she just that friendly?” he asked as Fiona walked away. She chuckled in return, “That’s my uh older sister,” she sipped her coffee.

“Oh really? Didn’t know you frequented here because your family works here.”

“Actually she kind of owns the place.”

“And she’s waiting tables?”

“Yeah, she’s a little understaffed right now. I try to help when I can.” She set her coffee on the table as Fiona made her way back with their pie.

“That was quick,” she smiled at her sister. “Well the best for favourite customer” she laughed.

Daren reached his hand out introducing himself, “I’m sorry it’s taken me three visits here with this one but hi, my name is Daren and only until a couple minutes ago I had no clue you two were related,”

Fiona shook his hand and smiled, “Well it’s nice to meet you too, and how did you two meet?” Fiona was now prodding and although Elaine flashed her the ‘fuck off’ eyes she continued. Instead of Daren answering, Elaine interrupted, “We served together. Don’t you have customers who need serving?” she was being rude but she was here with a purpose and she didn’t need Daren thinking they were on a date. Fiona lifted her hands in surrender as she made her way back to the kitchen.

“She’s nice” he smiled into his coffee. “So what’s up? What had you sounding so worried on the phone?” she hated the fact that he knew how she sounded on the phone. That he knew how to read her emotions. But that’s what happened when you served with people. You saw all the pain stretched across their faces when they were shot or when they saw people who reminded them of their families get blown to pieces. They were the people you sat with and shared how much you missed your families. You shared pieces of yourself with them even through unspoken words.

“You remember that friend of yours from the FBI? What’s his name-uh- Josh?”

“Oh yeah Josh, we’re still good. In fact he’s dating my sister.”

“Interesting,” It really wasn’t, “Well I’m going to need to pay Josh to get some information for me like I did a couple years ago.”

“Really? Didn’t think you’d want to seeing that it didn’t really yield much results the last time.”

“Yeah, well I’m desperate. He’s the only one I can think of”

“Okay, okay, you got a name? Or address?” he asked.

“Henry Clyde. He sent some threatening text messages to Mickey’s ex-wife.” He looked up from his pie with a questioning look. “That’s an awful lot of trouble to be going through for a few text messages.”

“Yeah I know but I think it’s deeper than that. I’ve seen the name somewhere but I can’t remember where. Can he do it or not?”

She knew there was something more to the name, Henry Clyde. And she had that twisting feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had heard that name before. Or seen it. She wasn’t sure but she knew it was familiar. After what had happened to her in the army she struggled to remember a lot of things related to her time there. The name related somehow to her time in the army and she knew it. She just didn’t know how yet.

 

* * *

 

Mickey was sat on the edge on his bed grasping at the weathered envelope. Why Gallagher’s couldn’t just say their words? Always writing fucking letters. Sighing he opened it pulling at the wrinkled page inside. He was afraid of what the page might say and after leaving it overnight on his night stand it started to feel like it was burning a hole through the wood. With a deep breath he began to read.

_“_

_Dear Mickey,_

_It’s been 8 months now since you’ve been gone. And I have tried a total of 57 times to come see you. All resulting in the same thing._

_I boarded the bus at 9 am. And I came through the gate. I made it there. But I turned around at security and walked right out. I came home and I lay in bed for two weeks.”_

 

He was on eight lines in and his heart had already started palpitating. Did Ian really come by so many times?

 

_“Then one day I woke with a sudden new outlook on life. Everything seemed perfect but when I turned over in bed, you weren’t there. So I lay in bed for a week more._ ”

 

He was suddenly imagining Ian curled under that blanket on the far side of his bed. That’s when the tears welded up in his eyes. The memory returned with a bitter taste scorching Mickey.

 

_“I’ve been working at the club again. It makes me feel loved.Wanted. Validated. Those men need me or at least they make me feel like it. If I give them what they want, maybe they’ll give me what I want. Company. It’s the only place that I can let everything go. Set it all free. Be anyone. They still call me Curtis. Curtis is happy. But I’m not.”_

 

Mickey’s heart was breaking with every words and every full stop. Ian. His Ian was breaking apart in words and he was four years too late to comfort him.

 

_“I haven’t taken my meds since the day I was arrested by the Military. That’s a total of 8 months now. No one cares. Elaine’s gone._

_Fiona tries. But she isn’t the one I want to help me._

_I need you and I don’t know how to let myself come to you._

_My world is crumbling fast and I can’t come to you. You’ll never want me anyway. You are where you because of me. There’s not a day I don’t think of you. I hate myself because of where you are.”_

 

Oh how wrong Ian was. Mickey would always want him. And Mickey knew that. Ian Gallagher would always be the one for him. One day, Ian Clayton Gallagher might just be the death of him.

 

_“Last night I left the house for the first time in three weeks. I walked through the cold night and I stood at DuSable Bridge. I stepped on the edge and I was ready to jump.”_

 

He had once dreamed of getting an inside look on what Ian’s mind was like. But he was now realising how much of a nightmare that must be instead of a dream _._ The tears were no longer threatening to fall, they were cascading down like the fucking Niagara Falls. Mickey was sobbing and kneading his eyes. He couldn’t imagine a life where Ian wasn’t breathing and alive. Yeah he had spent the last four years without him but he knew he was alive.

 

_“How can I deserve to live? Not when there wasn’t a person insight fighting to have me around. Not when I caused the only man I ever loved to be locked away. Not when I can’t even grow the balls to walk through security to see him.”_

 

Mickey felt like is heart shattered into a trillion pieces. Every inch of him ached with the thought of Ian feeling unloved and unworthy of life.

 

_“There was loud crash and I became startled that my legs began to quiver beneath me. I thought I was going to fall. And that’s when I knew I didn’t want to die. Not if living meant that I’d get to see you again. 8 years you said? I’ll wait. I’ll wait 8 years. I’ll wait a millennia. I saved a woman on the bridge that night. And it gave me something. Feeling. That’s why I’m now filling out an application to do EMT training. I’m going to put myself together so one day I am worthy of your love._

_Love,_

_Ian.”_

 

Ian hadn’t only thought of killing himself. He went there. He stood on that bridge and was ready to jump. And that’s when He knew he would never not be able to forgive Ian. Rubbing at his eyes he all but ran out his room still clutching the letter to his chest. He slipped on his boots and his coat and reached for the door knob. He had to get to Ian. He looked up at the clock above the stove. 7:53 am. He had to wait 7 more minutes. So he stood. He waited. The ankle monitor growing heavier and heavier around his ankle with every second. He waited for the longest 7 minutes of his life. And he’d do it infinity times over if it meant getting back to Ian.

TICK.

 

TICK.

 

TICK.

 

TICK.

 

8:00 am.

 

He was out the door

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you can learn one day to love every part of yourself in the immense way that your deserve.


	8. Under That Soft Skin, I Hear a Ticking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really long one...but its a BIG one. this one is dedicated to the lovely Lexi. My smart, loving and damn funny friend. Thank you for listening to me rant as necessary and for just being such a good listener and friend. love you so much and i'm so happy you joined us. 
> 
> A lot happens, but the questions remains, What will Mickey do when he goes to Ian after reading the letter? How will Ian be who Mickey needs? And who's the one trying to ruin Mickey's life?

He was running like his life depended on it. As quickly as his feet would carry him. All the four years of working out in prison out of pure boredom was paying off. His feet slammed against the snow slicked side walk. He heaved and grunted with every stride. He ran. He ran like he did when he found out Ian had come home four years before after running off with Monica.

This was it. This was his grand gesture, the letter was Ian’s. He could see the house in the distance growing larger as he approached. He willed his feet to go further, ignoring the shooting pain embracing his shin bones. He closed the distance climbing the stairs of the Gallagher house and pounded on the front door. He huffed his spent air, banging again.

“A’right I’m coming!” Fiona’s familiar voice rang on the other side. The door swung open and he found her wide eyed and startled at her sight, “Mickey?!”

“Where is he? Where’s Ian?” he breathed.

“He’s not here yet. His shift ended this morning. He should be on his way home. Do you want to come inside?”

He ran his hand down his face stopping to pinch at his nose. “Come on Mickey, come inside, it’s fucking freezing out there.”

“No, I’ll wait right here for him.”

“You sure? It’s the same thing as waiting inside”

“No, He waited here for me, four years ago. I’m waiting here. I’m making this shit right!”

She quickly conceded to his hysteria and closed the door, going back inside. He let his weight drop to the first step as he fished out a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it. _Steady slow breaths. You can do this._ He thought to himself. He had run over here with nothing resembling a plan. Not what he’d say. Not what he’d do. What if his emotions controlled him like it had when Ian visited him in prison three weeks before?

He read the letter again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

The thought of a life without Ian had a lump growing in his throat and caused his stomach to overturn itself. His face became hot and read as the tears kept coming. He couldn’t imagine being able to live in a world where Ian wasn’t alive. He just couldn’t.

“Mickey?” _the sound of his angel._ Mickey looked up from the letter meeting familiar green eyes. His own blue ones had gone red, swollen and were dripping tears. His heart began pounding in his chest like if King Kong was giving him fucking CPR. Ian’s face was pale from the cold weather and his freckles seemed redder on his cheeks. Mickey’s eyes cascaded over the redhead before him. Ian stood tall like usual but he was more built that Mickey remembered him.

“What are you doing here, Mick?” His voice was everything Mickey remembered it being and more. The rough rasp with the tinge of softness. Mickey could have stood there all day and stared if it wasn’t for the letter that felt like it weighed a tonne in his hands. Ian was so different yet still the same. He seemed more reserved than the hyper kid he used to be, more timid.

He held up the letter to Ian and he could see the change in his features to a more knowing look. But it was like he became even shyer, like a fucking hermit crab hiding in its shell.

“Elaine said you’re staying away.” he croaked.

“Uh, I figured you wouldn’t want to see me.” Ian took as step closer as Mickey stood from the step. He descended one. “Why would you think that?”

“You seemed so angry.” Ian had a small voice as he fingered his hand through his red locks and licked at his lips. Mickey’s eyes moved down his face. From his eyes to his pink lips that were moist and parted.

Mickey descended the last step. “You really went there?”

“Where?”

“DuSable Bridge?” Ian shyly nodded answering the question. His eyes twitched as they welded up and Mickey’s tears fell. “Fuck Ian,” he whispered.

They didn’t speak again for five minutes. They stared, gazed, longed in a way that said everything they ever wanted to in the last four years.

_I love you._

_I hate you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you_.

Mickey could only think of the words splattered across the page in his hands. And he could only imagine himself being wrapped around that broken Ian, comforting him and consoling him. That’s all Mickey could think of. The longing to be close to him. To touch him.

“C’mere” Mickey then whispered reaching forward gripping onto Ian’s shirt pulling him closer. Ian gave in letting Mickey bring him in. Their faces so close yet so far away. Mickey placed his forehead against Ian’s cupping the side of his face. Ian’s breath quickened and Mickey was fully aware of every rise and fall of the redhead’s chest. Their noses brushed against each other’s and a bead of sweat slid down Ian’s temple despite the cold winter air. There was a heat rising in their stomachs that could melt the Arctic Circle if they willed it to.

“I’m sorry,” Ian whispered. Mickey patted his cheek with an easy smile across his face. Such a simple act that said a thousand different things. _I’m sorry, I love you. I forgive you._

Ian unlike Mickey, had an entire speech planned out. He had practised every day since the hearing what he would say if Mickey got out. He had to do this right way. He suddenly became aware of how close they were. He was holding Mickey in his arms for the first time in four years. It took every ounce of strength and courage Ian had to let go. He let go of Mickey’s jacket that he hadn’t realised he was gripping so tightly too. But Mickey didn’t budge and they were still as close as the sky and the sea are on the horizon. He nudged a bit pushing at Mickey and he could see the disappointment in Mickey’s face.

Mickey took the nudge as a sign to let go. Maybe he was wrong to come here. Maybe Ian didn’t love him like he said he did. Maybe Ian moved on.

As they pulled back, Mickey sighed before letting go of his shirt. “We should talk, Mick” Ian said gesturing toward to wooden steps.

Placing themselves on the frozen Gallagher steps, their shoulders brushing slightly, Mickey pulled another cigarette and lit it. He breathed in and held it out to Ian who shook his head refusing. “I quit a couple years now”

Mickey noticed how Ian’s eyes couldn’t leave the floor boards of the step and how he rubbed his index finger and thumb together like he did when he was nervous. _Fuck. This was it_. This was Mickey setting himself up to be heartbroken on these very steps again. _I shouldn’t have come here._ “I’m sorry, Mickey”

“You keep saying that. What the fuck are you sorry for?”

“For never visiting, for the shit I put you through before you went in,”

“Hey, man you don’t got to apologize for that. You were sick, man. I stayed where I wanted to be. If I had a fucking problem with your bipolar ass I would have fucked off”

“Well, you read the letter, obviously, you still feel like that?” Ian asked looking out into the street. Mickey could see it, the embarrassed look he would get when he was low and people thought he was weak.

“Four years, is a long time. That’s shit to either make or break ya right?......... I still feel the same way. Ian, what you and I had I don’t think I’ll ever find that anywhere again. I don’t know about you but I haven’t had much place to look but I know I won’t find anyone that’s makes me feel the shit you make me feel”

“I wouldn’t know either.” Ian said softly finally turning to look into Mickey’s eyes. “I haven’t really looked either.”

“I still love you, Ian. That’s probably never going to change.”

“I still love you too. I _know_ that will never change.”

They sat in silence with each other allowing the winter air to nip at them. “Where does this leave us?” Ian asked then.

“I don’t know.” Yes they loved each other, and both wanted nothing more than to be with each other, but they knew they had issues that needed sorting out.

“I’m not going to want anyone else, Mickey. I want this, I want you, I want us. But I want it the right way. Not where we start fucking and then we fall for each other, or one of us gets married, or runs off to the fucking army, or I’m manic and steal your fucking kid.  I want to date you. I want to get to know the past four years of Mickey that I missed out on. It could be different this time if we do it right. I’ve got my shit together, I’ve got a fucking job, and I’m on my meds.” Ian was rambling and hadn’t even realised that he was no longer sitting but standing before Mickey professing his love. Ian had bloodshot eyes that were spilling tears down his cheeks.

Mickey looked at Ian then taking in the sight of his EMT uniform. They’d done the fucking around, the marriage to another, the army, bipolar, the prison thing. What worse thing could ever be thrown their way? It had to be worth a shot right? “Let me show you how much I’ve fixed me, I stood right where you are four years ago and said I didn’t need to be fixed. And a’right I still mean that you can’t fix my bipolar. But I needed some putting back together. And I did it, I’ve been trying so fucking hard, I’ve been doing it all this time for you”

Mickey’s eyes were once again filled with tears as he looked on at Ian pouring his heart out. “So what do you say Mick? We go on our date at Sizzler’s?”

Mickey couldn’t help the goofy grin that spread across his face as stood up and made his way over to Ian. “Yeah, I’d fucking love that. But you make me a promise.” Mickey said wiping a tear from Ian’s cheek.

“Anything,”

“You ever get that urge to go stand on that fucking bridge again, you tell me. Because I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”

“Okay,”

“And one more thing. Yev. I want to know my kid. So we do this the right way if not for the sake of us, for him. I’ve missed too much already.”

Ian nodded, reaching into his pocket pulling out his wallet. Opening and reaching into one of the many pockets he pulled at a small picture. “Here, this is his first birthday. I uh I kept it for you.”

He handed Mickey the picture and Mickeys eyes were filled with fucking tears again. _When the fuck did you become such a sissy? The fuck’s the matter with you?_ He internally scolded himself.

“Tomorrow night, pick me up at 7” Mickey joked as he walked pass Ian toward the street.

“You’re not going to even kiss me?” Ian joked although there were still tears in his eyes.

“First kisses don’t come before the date. You treat me to a good night I’d even let you kiss me on my door step goodnight.” Mickey laughed.

* * *

The smell of banana pancakes infiltrated his bedroom. He sat up from the bed glancing at the time on clock 9:20 am he hadn’t slept this late in four years. But to be fucking fair he hadn’t fallen asleep until after 2 in the morning. Mickey had been up the entire night replaying the events of the day before. He and Ian had, for the first time probably ever, a real conversation. Mickey would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared but he did feel a sense of relief after the things Ian had said. He couldn’t live if Ian hated him. There was once a time where Mickey couldn’t care to be loved by anyone or to love anyone in return. That all quickly changed the day Ian walked into his bedroom with a fucking tire iron. From that moment on he was ruined.

He looked around the naturally lit bedroom. He took it all in and it still felt fucking strange. After ten days of being out it still all felt like a dream. Day eleven. He took them in slow steady strides. One day at a time. He couldn’t resort to the life he led before his arrest. Back then Mickey didn’t seem to care about anyone’s health but his own and Ian’s but after four years away he knew he had to be better for his son. After all his son never asked for the shit shot that was his life. Mickey was now making it his priority to give his son a better life. A life he never had.

He made his way toward the smell of breakfast, finding Elaine placing a stack of pancakes onto the kitchen counter, “Morning,” he mumbled rubbing at his eyes. “Didn’t hear when you got in last night…date night?”

She scoffed at him as he poured himself a cup of coffee leaning on the counter. “Yeah right. The only date I had was with Liam and his math homework.”

“I thought tutoring was Asshat’s job” She looked up at him and rolled her eyes at him nickname for Lip.

“ _Lip,_ had an actual date. Fiona mentioned that you stopped by the house earlier in the day…does that mean you talked to him?” she said handing him a plate of pancakes.

“Uhh. Yeah,” he said drizzling syrup with the heaviest hand….it may as well be a pancake soup at this point. He looked up to see her eying his plate as she turned up her nose.

“Well,”

“Well what?”

“Are you gonna tell me what happened or bathe in that syrup?”

“Well, we talked actually he said some things mostly but the short version, we’ve got a date tonight?”

“A date? Like at a restaurant?”

“Yeah with utensils and shit” he quoted Ian’s drunken words from for years before when they were supposed to go on their first date.

“That’s good, but uhm dating isn’t really your style…”

“Yeah well he wants to do it right this time. And honestly I need things to take its time. Its always been so rushed.”

She joined him at the counter resting her hot cup of coffee and plate unto the surface. He took another bite and felt like he took a bite of heaven. Definitely better than the shit the served in prison. They ate silently, then the landline started ringing, while Elaine made her way to answer it she said, “Maybe we could go get something new for you to wear for your date then, I didn’t buy any nice shirts when I shopped for you before you got out……Hello?” she answered the line as Mickey nodded in agreement. He wasn’t showing up to his first date ever in any old shit. He needed to look good.

“Hey Ian,” she said with a teasing smile in Mickey’s direction. A smile that quickly faded. “Holy shit!” she mumbled quickly in the phone taking the pen that sat next to the phone writing something across the palm of her hand. “We’re on our way!”

She hung up and she didn’t speak, “Everything okay?” Mickey said looking up at her noticing the ghost white look on her face. “Laine, what’s wrong?” his voice grew louder and more concerned as he made his way toward her. She continued staring until he held her by the shoulders shaking her.

“It’s Svetlana, she’s been stabbed,” it was all she said until she went into overdrive she was slipping the jeans she had draping over the back of the couch on and wrapping herself into her coat. Mickey was following her motions, she grabbed the keys to old beat up Chevy she had bought that week. She sped, her feet mashed down on the gas pedal and she didn’t move her eyes from the road. Mickey’s mind was scrambled into a million pieces. He couldn’t think a single thought that made sense. It was about fifteen minutes until they pulled into the hospital car park.

He couldn’t think, he kept replaying Elaine’s last sentence over and over in his head. Was Svet alive? What if she was dead? Where was the kid? Who did this to her? They rushed to the front desk, “Svetlana….” Shit he didn’t know her new married name. “Russian, woman stabbed” Mickey rambled to nurse.

“Relationship to patient?”

“She’s my ex-wife, we have a kid! Where is my kid?” he blurted before thinking. At the sound of his voice Ian came around the corner clad in his blue uniforms wearing a serious look on his face.

“We were bringing in our patient from a call when I heard the address over the radios. I knew it was Lana’s, I called as soon as I got here.” Ian rambled, “Anna, this is Svetlana’s ex-husband, Yev’s dad,” he introduced Mickey to a small Asian nurse who began leading them toward the room Svetlana was in.

A doctor was now stepping out as they approached and the nurse introduced them as the family and then stepped to the side. Mickey couldn’t focus on the words, he saw lips moving but heard no sound, he pinched the bridge of his slowing his mind slightly, “She came in with massive blood loss, she is critical, we cannot say much for now but we are doing all that we could, she is awake but she is very groggy. You should go in, try to go easy with the questions but she has been asking for you since she came in.” he heard the doctor finish before he walked away. There was a police officer standing outside the room with a stern look on his face.

“Mick, Mickey?” the sound of Ian’s voice speaking his name brought Mickey to earth. “Mick, Lana is asking for you.” Ian’s warm hand on his shoulder took away the chills spiralling down his spine.

Mickey stepped forward pushing the door open, with Ian and Elaine on his heels. Svetlana lay there motionless. Her face pale and wet with sweat. She had an oxygen mask over her mouth and the sheets were pulled up to her neck to cover the bandages.

She stirred groaning in pain as she looked in their direction. She was wan with heavy lids. Mickey rushed to her side gripping the edge of the bed. She reached up weakly pulling the mask from her face, “Henry Clyde,” she whispered.

“That’s all she’s been saying since they brought her in” Ian said. The oxygen mask fell back to her mouth and she gripped it again pulling it forward, “Take care of baby. He’s yours, your blood,” she said then suddenly the machine started beeping unsteadily and loudly as her body began convulsing on the bed. The nurses and doctors came in pulling them back. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes as he is being ushered out of the room. He begins pacing the hospital corridor. He keeps asking for Yevgeny but no one is giving him an answer to where his son is. It felt like they were sitting for hours waiting and waiting. Mickey hadn’t stopped crying since he had seen her have the seizure. All the memories he’s ever had with Svetlana were running through his mind.

_The incessant crying of the baby was driving him crazy. He was trying his hardest to fall asleep but he couldn’t, not with the noise. He climbed out of his bed and made his way to the living room of the Milkovich house. There the child was lying in his basinet crying while Raisa, the Russian whore, who was supposed to be babysitting sits there passed out on the couch. He sucks air in as he looks around for Mandy to take the baby. He seems to be alone. No one is home. He sighs bending down picking the child up._

_He never liked touching him. He tried his hardest to keep his distance. As he lifted the child he got the smell and realised his diaper needed changing. He became flustered. That wasn’t something he’d ever done before. He tried shaking Raisa awake but she was so drunk she didn’t budge. He took the baby over to the changing pad and honestly he tried his fucking best. It wasn’t as difficult as he thought. He cleaned him up and wrapped him back in the blanket. On the way from the changing pad to basinet Yev had cuddled against Mickey’s bare chest and fallen back asleep.  He stood there not knowing what to do. He walked the baby back into his bedroom and he sat on his bed with his back against the headboard. This was the first time holding his son on his own, without Svetlana dropping him in his arms. He sat there staring at his sleeping baby and he couldn’t help the smile that crept unto his face. “Fatherhood looks good on you” he heard a soft voice and looked up to see Svetlana standing in the door way. Usually he would flip her off and tell her fuck off but he was calm, “Raisa’s getting paid to fucking drink on the job?”_

_Svetlana smiled at him walking over to him. She rest her hand on his head running her hand through his hair. It was an unusual feeling they never touched each other. Not since the day his father held that gun to them._

_“My two boys,” she said, “you think I don’t like you yes?”_

_“Have you ever done anything that says otherwise?” he asked looking down at the sleeping child._

_“Baby is half me, baby is half you. Do you expect me to hate half baby? I love baby. Because he is half you, I love you.”_

_“Did you just fucking say you love me?”_

_“Not in that way, you still piece of shit. Now give me him, he sleeps in my bed with me” she gently removed the sleeping baby from his arms and left the room. He never quite understood Svetlana. And he never took the time to. But here she was telling him that she loved him simply because she loved her baby._

His first memory of them ever bonding was interrupted as the doctor emerged from the room.  Mickey shot up from the waiting chair. The doctor’s face was glum and serious. “I’m sorry, Sir. We tried everything we could, but your wife lost too much blood. She didn’t make it, she died” the doctor spoke and Mickey felt like his whole world falling all around him.

If anyone told him he’d feel like this four years ago, he’d buy them a cell in prison for a lifetime for the lie. But here he was, with Ian rubbing his thumb on the back of his head, while he sobbed into his hands. How was it possible for his heart to hurt so much for someone he barely cared about?

“My son, where is my son?” he managed to croak out.

“Sir, your son is fine.” The officer spoke from the side of the doctor. “He’s currently in the conference room with a social worker but you can see him. But I have to ask you a few questions first.”

“Sure” his mouth was moving but his mind wasn’t there. His mind was floating far away.

“Do you know anyone by the name of Henry Clyde?” he could barely hear the officer’s words, every sound around him muffled into one, so he focused on Ian’s hand rubbing at his neck. He still couldn’t focus. His mind went blank at the question but suddenly Elaine was speaking through her tears, “She received a text from him, a threatening one but she thought it was her husband who she’s trying to get a divorce from.”

“This husband?” the officer asked pointing to Mickey.

“No, Mickey is her ex-husband. She remarried. But it turns out it wasn’t him.” Ian then looked at his sister with curious eyes before he spoke.

“Have you found this person she is accusing?” Ian asked the officer.

“We were just looking for a link between him and her. He is in custody. The neighbour heard the commotions and entered the house to find him over her with a knife. He attempted to flee the scene but he was remanded.”

“The fucker’s arrested?” Mickey asked suddenly. His hands were shaking. He was feeling light headed like her was spinning. He reached his arm up gripping it around Ian’s waist. Startled by the touch Ian jumped but quickly relaxed into Mickey’s hold.

“Yes, he will never be able to hurt your family again, you may go see your son, Sir.” He barely gave the officer enough time to finish his sentence when he turned to the nurse who was waiting patiently to escort him toward Yevgeny. After not being able to think or focus for the last twenty minutes, he snaps out if it. Yevgeny was on his mind now. He is all he could think about. He needs to feel his son in his arms for the first time in four years. The door to the conference room swung open and he could see Yev sitting at the table with a purple dinosaur in his hands.

 The chaos, the bustle of the hospital halls are drowned out by the sight of the boy and the hold of Ian. The social worker turned to face Mickey with a gentle smile on his face.

“Hi, my name is Giselle Stern. I’m Svetlana’s lawyer. She called me just minutes before her attack, it’s almost like she knew it was coming.” she had an out stretched hand, that Mickey ignored, as she rambled.

“Listen my ex-wife just died and all I really need at this point is to have my kid in my arms. So if you could excuse me for five fucking minutes then we could get to the business.” He pushed pass her and made his way to his son. He kneeled in front him and turned the swivel chair so his son was facing him. His pale face looked up at Mickey with scared eyes. Mickey rose his hand caressing the boy’s face. “Pa?” the little boy whispered. A chill went straight down Mickey’s spine. This isn’t the first time he’s met his son. but it is however the first time his son has spoken to him and called him ‘Pa’. He pulls Yev off the chair and into his arms. “Don’t worry, Pa is here” he whispered.

Yevgeny looks up then to see Ian standing behind Mickey. He almost shouts his next words. “Dyadya!” he jumps off the chair and into Ian’s arms.

Mickey was taken aback to say the least of his son’s reaction. But it was a sight he knew he could get used to. “Sir, I have another case that also needs my immediate attention.” The worker from beside him says. And she motions for them to sit. Ian placed Yev in Mickey’s arms when he sat. as much as he’d like to wrap his arms around the boy he knew Mickey need it more than anything right now.

Giselle had them seated around the table as Svetlana’s husband arrived. “Mr Van Der Wood, I’m sorry for you loss.” She greeted.

He didn’t speak to Mickey and sat across from him at the table. Giselle then spoke, “Well as we all may know Ms Milkovich has recently had her affairs placed in order. She has recently put the biological father, Mikhailo, on the birth certificate and states if anything is to happen to her that he shall assume full responsibility of their son, if he is still incarcerated by such time of events, guardianship should be assumed by a Mr Ian Gallagher, who is also here.”  She looks up to find a dumb struck Mickey. Besides keeping his last name, she even had Ian put in her will as the person to assume guardianship of his son. He didn’t know what to think.

“Why was I called here then?” Svetlana’s husband asked in the most uninterested voice imaginable. Mickey couldn’t believe his ears but he couldn’t afford to get angry not with his son seated in his lap. He couldn’t let Yev see that side of him. It was Giselle who answered.

“I’m sorry if the welfare of your step-son is not of concern to you. But as according to the file you are in fact not needed. Svetlana saw to that, which is why she hired me after all. So you may go.” She finished gesturing her hand toward the door. He rose from his seat then reached into his pocket to pull a card out. He handed it to Mickey stating, “All the things belonging to your whore and her fucking offspring are at this address. If it isn’t cleared out by morning it burns.”. The grey haired man bent down closer and whispered in his ear, “I’m glad fucking whore is dead, and I’m glad I didn’t have a thing to do with it.” Mickey was left with a clenched fist and a crying child in his wake.

 

* * *

 

They were back at the apartment with Yevgeny who had fallen asleep on the couch sucking at his thumb and cuddling his purple dinosaur. Mickey was sitting watching his child peacefully when Elaine walked out her bedroom dressed and ready.

“Where are you going?” he asked softly careful not to wake his son.

“To the address,” she waved the card Mickey had set on the counter, “And then Fiona agreed to meet me to make arrangements for the funeral”

“Funeral? I have no fucking money for a funeral”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got some cash saved up and Kev and V offered to help because they used to be in that weird ass throuple thing.”

“I can’t let you pay for the funeral. She wasn’t anything to you.”

“Okay, we’ve only got a few hours before the sun sets, not many funeral homes will be open if I don’t leave now. I’m gonna go get her things.”

“I’ll come with you.” He said getting up and gathering his coat and Yev’s coat.

"Hey, you can’t wake him. The kid has been through enough. Stay with him. I’ll pick Lip or Kev up to help. I’ll be back in no time.” At that moment there was a knock at the door. Mickey dropped the coats on the back of the couch and swung the door open. Ian, still in his blue uniforms with a duffel bag swung on his shoulders wearing a worried look. “Hey,” he breathed.

“Hey,” He hadn’t look better. His red hair was ruffled like it would usually be when he woke up on mornings. The beanie that was once there now in the hands of the tiny three year old he held on his hips. Mickey had met Franny before but seeing her now on Ian’s hip, he hadn’t realised before how much she looked like her uncle. Mickey’s eyes cascaded over the redhead at his door.

“You guys going somewhere? I just picked Franny up I figured I’d check in see how Yev was doing” Elaine looked at him them shooting him her Yeah-right-like-it’s-the-fucking-kid-you-came-to-see look.

“We’re gonna get Svet’s stuff” Mickey then picked up the coat wrapping himself in it and then moving toward the couch to wake the sleeping child.

“Mick, leave the kid to sleep, I told you I’ll be back in no time.”

“You can’t just leave me here alone. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

She looked back at the sleeping child then to Mickey then to Ian. “You guys could go, I don’t mind looking after him, after all Mick you should be the one to bring her things home.” Ian said. _Since when you’re a fucking voice of reason?_ Mickey thought letting his frustration and sadness consume him.

“Come on, Mick. The kid loves him.”

“Pa? Where ya going?” he turned to the soft voice to find Yev thumbing his dinosaur as he sucked the tag

“Hey buddy, we’re just going to pick up a few things of yours, your toys and clothes. We’ll be back really soon.”

Elaine stooped in front Yev wiping his hair from his face. “In the meantime, _dyadya_ will come stay with you. And you can play with Franny, she’s a cousin.” A small smile stretched across Yev’s face and Mickey couldn’t help but feel jealous at his son’s reaction. Yev then ran hugging at Ian’s leg. It had been the second time he’d ever seen his son this happy, both events occurring in one day and both including Ian. He had never related to his son more in that moment because he too knew what it felt like to love and have Ian.

“Ian, we’ll be back as soon as we can, we’re just going to get the stuff from the storage unit and then meet Fiona and Veronica. They said they’d help with the funeral arrangements. There is pizza in the fridge if you get hungry but I recently brought groceries so you can cook something if you like. I promise we’ll try to not be long” Elaine was rambling but Mickey couldn’t keep his eyes off the redhead. Ian turned to face them both after putting Franny down next to Yev. He looked directly into Mickey’s eyes as he spoke to Elaine.

“Go ahead we’ll be okay. He’s in good hands I promise. This isn’t the first time I’ve babysat Yev.” With that Mickey was being pulled out the door and down the step.

They were in the Chevy driving in complete silence. Mickey couldn’t help but replay the two words Ian had said. It wasn’t an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you”, it was simply “This isn’t the first time I’ve babysat Yev.” but it was enough to make Mickey’s knees go weak. He knew Ian would always be the only man to ever get his situation and love his son. Because there was a time when Mickey knew Ian loved Yev more than he did. And again Mickey found himself wishing to get used to the thought of Ian coming home to him and Yev jumping into Ian’s arms. But he knew they were taking it slow, he was a far call from that. However, all the swooning over Ian’s bond with his kid he couldn’t help the jealousy of it all that rose within him.

“You’re brooding, Mickey” Elaine said as they rolled forward in traffic.

“I’m not” he said peering out the window at the snow slicked roads. He sighed heavily before looking at her, “Dyadya? Why the fuck is my kid calling him that?” He was jealous and he knew it wasn’t pretty.

“Do you know what it means Mick?” she asked as she honked her horn for the driver in front the roll up.

“No” he muttered turning back to look out the window. He didn’t need to know what it meant. It sounded a lot like Dada to Mickey and all he got was Pa.

“It means uncle. Fuck Mick, you were married to Svet didn’t you pick up any Russian at all?”

He muttered a no again before he looked back at her. “How am I going to take care of this kid? I barely even know how to take care of myself. I don’t have a job, I have no money. Fuck!”

“Mickey, if it’s anyone who can do this it’s you. Look, at how you used to take care of Ian and you had no knowledge of bipolar before. We’ll fix up the third bedroom for him, and you’ll buy a fucking highchair, and you’ll tuck him into bed at night. And you’ll make a fucking great father. And Ian loves that kid so much, he’s trying to be there for you. I’m here for you. You don’t have to this alone. Okay?”

He cracked a small smile for the first time all day, “You’re the best fucking friend. You know that?”

“Yeah, I do. Oh and the job thing…maybe Fiona can help. She says she’s really understaffed at the diner. She has interviews for busboys and waitresses this week. But her only other cook gave her notice that he’s quitting in a couple days. She says the job is yours if you want it.”

“Fiona trusts me to be the cook at her diner?” he knew the eldest Gallagher was never his biggest fan when he and Ian dated. But he also knew she didn’t hate him, not anymore.

“Yeah she says she remembers when you briefly lived at the Gallagher house that you were really good in the kitchen. And it’s all recipes. Come on, this could be good for you. And Fiona seems pretty pass the hate she had for you”

“Yeah I know,” he said quietly. He then proceeded to fill her in on the first and only time the eldest Gallagher visited him in prison.

_Mickey hadn’t seen Ian in 8 months and so his heart skipped a beat when the prison guard called him for a visit. His heart began to race at the thought of seeing the redhead. Or maybe it was Mandy. Fuck, he hadn’t seen Mandy in so long. She left before he had gone into prison and she only visited once since. He’s called her a couple times but it wasn’t the same. He secretly hoped it’s his baby sister. He missed her, although he’d never admit it. He walked down the line of boots until he saw a familiar face. The last face he’d ever expect to see visiting him in prison. Fiona Gallagher. She wore her curly black hair loose on her head and her face hung like it always did. Mickey had always though that for someone not much older than him she wore worry and stress like a glove making her seem older than she was. Her mouth was pulled into its permanent frown and her eyes darkened with tiredness. He sat opposite her and reached for the receiver on the wall._

_“Fuck you doing here?” he asked. Although they never had a good relationship he always respected her. She may not have agreed with his relationship with her brother but he knew her reasons. She had done everything in her power to raise Ian the right way. To do what she can so he won’t turn out like their parents. And he couldn’t blame her for not wanting Mickey in Ian’s life because after all, what was new in the mix when Ian’s bipolar started showing up? Being in a committed relationship with Mickey Milkovich. Fiona needed someone to blame, so she chose the easiest route._

_“I heard Ian doesn’t visit anymore and I promised Elaine I’d check in”_

_“She can’t fucking check in herself?”_

_“She – uh – she left. She’s not in south side anymore.” Fiona looked down picking at her finger nails, “How are you?”_

_“Like you fucking care.”_

_“I do. I honestly wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I – I know I was never fair to you. I blamed you for things you had no control over like, Ian’s bipolar and being manic and I’m really fucking sorry. Because as much as I’d like to blame you, you’re in here and you know what? The Bipolar disease it’s still fucking there”_

_“Fuck Fiona, when was the last time you slept?” this time she laughed answering with his previous answer, “Like you fucking care.”_

_“How is he?” Mickey then asked._

_“He’s...good” she lied and she hoped Mickey will never see through her._

_“Don’t fucking lie. Lay it on me. No sugar”_

_“Okay... He isn’t doing well. He isn’t on his meds anymore. I gave him a job at the diner hoping he’d get his shit together but he fucked off for like a week and then he comes back only to lie in his bed. He’s been there for two fucking weeks. I don’t know what the fuck to do.” She rubbed down her face, “How did you deal with it? You were always so good with him…. and the mania”_

_“Yeah well, thank living nineteen fucking years with Terry - beating on you either ‘cause he’s drunk, high, or just for so - for that. You got to get him to take the meds Fiona, it’s the only way.”_

_“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry”_

_“What for?”_

_“For misjudging you, I made you out to be a real dick and turns out you loved him more than anyone. Probably more than me and I’d give my world for that boy. So I’m sorry. We can’t help where we live or who or parents are. So thank you for never judging my family and all the shit we put you through. And I’m now realizing that there wasn’t- no isn’t anyone better for my brother.”_

_“Yeah, well seems like he couldn’t give two shits about me.” She sighed heavily propping her chin up with one arm._

_“I’d just thought I’d let you know I don’t hate you. And I really wish you weren’t in here because of my brother.”_

They entered the storage facility walking to the front desk. The guy quickly handed them the keys per request from Svetlana’s dick of a husband. They both wheeled the carrying cart until they found the correct storage unit. Rolling up the metal door to the unit Mickey found all the contents packed neatly in the centre, all in large plastic containers. He walked in reading their labels. Svetlana’s Clothes. Yevgeny’s Toys. Important Documents. Yevgeny’s Clothes and a few others. All labels were scribbled in Svetlana’s handwriting. “I guess Svet was already in the process of moving out.” Mickey sighed unlatching the cover to the container of his son’s toys. He picked up the small yellow car his son had when visited him in prison. Turning it over in his hands. He began to feel his eyes sting as the tears threatened to spill out his eyes. He sniffed them back and continued looking into to container.

“What do you want to do? Take Yev’s stuff and the important documents or all of it?” Elaine asked opening the container of documents.

“Uh, I didn’t particularly like the woman but letting all her shit burn, how is that fair?” he asked looking up at his friend who had her head down reading a file.

She nodded without looking at him, “Okay well we could take it all back to the apartment and sort through it there. I’ll text Kev tell him not to bother coming by to help. It’s not that much, we could manage ourselves.”

“You’d think that prick would at least let us put her in the ground before we have to deal with this shit. She isn’t even fucking cold yet.”

She looked up then meeting his sad eyes, “Does he look like he gives a fuck whether or not Svetlana even gets a funeral?”

He continued running his hands over his son’s toys picking some up and looking at the worn edges and tags. They worked in silence putting the containers onto the carrying cart until Elaine broke the silence. “I’m sorry your date got cancelled.”

“Yeah, well I’m guessing he’d be understanding”

She stopped what she was doing and looked at Mickey placing her hands on his arm, “I’m really glad you two are trying. Man, if you and Ian can’t make it, love doesn’t exist”

“You ever gonna tell me who this mystery man is? The one you loved but left.”

“What’s it matter? He hates me anyway.” that was his cue to let it go and not bring it up again.

She continued placing the container she was holding onto the cart when Mickey continued, “In the hospital, when Yev saw me, he called-he called me Pa. How’d he know?”

She looked at him then turned to pick up the container of documents that she was previously perusing. She opened it and handed him the album he saw her looking at before. Mickey opened it to the first page. A sleeping baby Yevgeny a couple days old. He turned it, Svetlana holding Yevgeny while sitting on Mickey’s old bed, written under “ _Me and Mama_ ”. The third image, Mickey holding Yevgeny at his baptism, Mickey barely even looking at the camera, the picture giving the true tone of the memories that went along with that day, written under “ _Me and Papa._ ” He kept turning until he found pictures of Yevgeny at the age of two. Ian holding him, playing with him. There was one with him showing Yev a picture of Mickey, written under “Dyadya teaching me. Although I kept saying Pa instead of Papa and Fioma instead of Fiona” Mickey felt the corners of his lips curve up.

“Ian” he whispered.

“I’m sorry” he heard Elaine say. His eyes snapped up to meet her face as she studied him intently.

“What for?”

“For all this, seems you could never get a fuckin break.”

He sighed placing the album into the container latching it shut. “Fucked for life right? Whether that be because I didn’t finish high school. Or because I tried to kill your half-sister. Or because I thought I won the fucking lottery getting out of prison my life still goes to shit.” She stepped closer holding his arm.

“You have Yev. And that’s really fucking important”

“Yeah, and I’m just going to fuck his life up too”

 

 

* * *

After putting together a last minute cheap funeral a tired Mickey was ready to crash. They pulled into the one of the apartment’s parking spaces and Elaine cut the engine as her phone vibrated with an incoming message. Her glum tired expression quickly turned worried and panicked and it did not go unnoticed.

“Everything okay?” Mickey asked as he unbuckled his seat belt.

“Uh yeah, I uh, I’ve got to go. I totally spaced out and forgot that I was supposed to meet Daren and I didn’t cancel and he’s waiting for me.”

“Daren? That the guy who got the job for you? You dating him?”

“No he’s married but he’s been having problems with his wife and wanted to meet to talk so – I gotta split. It’s only at that coffee place down the street. I’ll leave the truck so you could unpack.”

“Okay, just be safe. And text me when you get there”

Mickey’s palms were sweating as he got out the truck and made his way to the back. He rolled the truck bed cover up and decided only to carry the containers of Yev’s belongings to the apartment. His heart started beating faster with every step he took. Sweat was beading on his forehead even in the coldness of the night. Why was he getting so nervous to see Ian? He got to the door and set the containers to the floor as he fished his keys from his pocket. His hands were trembling as he fumbled with fitting the key into the lock. He eventually got it in and swung the door open, turning he picked up the containers and carried them inside closing the door behind him. He could here movements in the kitchen and he breathed in deeply before taking a step into the direction of the noise. He found Ian hunched over the sink washing the dishes. He turned to see Mickey standing there and jumped back at the sight.  


“Hey, I didn’t hear you come in.” Ian said as he dried his hands in the dish towel.  


“Hey, where’s Yev?” Was all Mickey could manage out.  


“He’s sleeping. I didn’t know whose room was which so I just put him in a random bed.” Mickey quickly made his way to the bedroom ignoring Ian standing expectantly in the kitchen. He peeked into Elaine’s room which seemed empty. He made his way to his own room and his heart began to slow and calm itself as he caught sight of his sleeping son. He lay in the middle of the bed grasping tightly onto his purple dinosaur as he sucked on his thumb. Mickey gently pushed a lock of hair from the boy’s face as he reached for the blanket tucking it around him. He breathed a sigh when he felt Ian’s presence at the door.  
He turned walking past Ian motioning with his head for Ian to follow him into the living room.  


“Where is Franny?”

  
“Debbie came by and got her a couple hours ago. Are you okay, Mick?”

“Yeah I’m fine” he wiped the sweat off his face.

“Mickey, it’s been a rough day, just go lie down, I’ll finish the dishes and get out of here let you rest.”  


“I’m fine.” He answered roughly. _The fuck’s the matter with you?_ He questioned himself. Ian stood awkwardly leaning against the back of the couch watching Mickey as he shrugged his coat off and shoes. “Where is El?”  


“She, uh, she went to meet a friend at a coffee shop” Mickey’s voice was hoarse and cracked a little.  


“Could you at least look at me Mick?” Ian’s voice was soft and gentle. Mickey reluctantly turned looking at Ian. When his blues found Ian’s greens he felt the thing he was most afraid of feeling. The familiarity, the connection he tried hard to deny.  


“If you don’t wanna talk about it, I get it, she was your friend and Yev’s mom, just get some rest. I love you. I’m gonna go.” Ian said pushing off the back of the couch and pass Mickey. The sudden grip round his wrist stopped him. He turned back to see Mickey’s soft blue eyes swimming in an ocean of tears.

“Wait,” Mickey let out softly. Ian had never seen Mickey like this. And it broke him that he had no clue how to comfort him.  


Ian moved backward until he was directly in front of Mickey, who walked toward him pushing him back against the back of the couch. He reached his two hands out taking Mickey’s into his, the shorter man stepping closer until he was situated between Ian’s parted legs. Mickey looked up at him. He felt like he had no control over himself. He allowed Ian to take control. Ian rest his forehead against Mickey’s as they breathed in each other’s smells. “I love you Mick” Ian whispered. “I fucking love you. And I’m here.” Ian knew what Mickey needed. He needed comfort.

“I’m sorry our date got cancelled”

With a small chuckled Ian answered his nose brushing against Mickey’s, “here, or Sizzler’s, it doesn’t matter just once you’re with me.”  
Mickey couldn’t find words. His voice was no longer there. In that moment their past didn’t matter, prison didn’t matter, bipolar disorder didn’t matter, and the upcoming funeral didn’t matter. Because he was here and so was Ian. He just needed to feel Ian close to him. He lifted his chin and leaned forward placing his lips over Ian’s. It was soft and gentle but quickly grew into more. Ian leaned more into the kiss as their lips pushed more fervently into the each other. Mickey leaned into Ian allowing most of his weight to fall on the man sitting on the back of the couch. Mickey’s hands grasped Ian’s waist pulling him impossibly closer. As Ian’s hands cupped Mickey’s neck. As Ian’s free hand reached to play with the hem of Mickey’s shirt, Mickey knew he had to stop. He wasn’t ready. Not yet. He pulled away from the kiss. “No, I-I can’t” he was timid and breathy.  


Ian nodded, “Okay.”

Instead Mickey stepped forward from the couch taking Ian’s hand and leading him back to the bedroom. Ian followed with intent eyes. He watched as Mickey pushed his socks off and then climbed into the bed on one side of a sleeping Yev. He motioned with his head for Ian to go to the other side. Ian followed Mickey’s movements and softly slid himself under the blanket next to the sleeping boy. Mickey and Ian were now eye to eye as Ian reached his hand to hold Mickey’s that was lying beside his face. Both men lay in silence looking into each other’s eyes as sleep slowly consumed them both.  


* * *

 

She walked briskly to the coffee shop five minutes away. Winter was now getting colder as the month dwindled down. She hugged her coat closer to her as she saw the neon lights of the coffee house blinking in the near distances. She quickened her step as she got to the door desperate to be inside. She ordered a coffee and then made her way to the corner booth that Daren was sitting at. His eyes gazed out into the snowy night as she approached him clutching her cup.  


“Hey I came as soon as I got your message, you said it was urgent.” She breathed out as she sat down keeping her scarf and gloves on, desperate for warmth.  


“Yeah, sorry this was so last minute. Josh called with news I figured you’d want to know as soon as possible” he answered running his hand through his hair.   


“Yeah. What’s up?”  


“Henry Clyde. He is the missing link” he said as he pushed a brown envelope closer to her. She quickly reached in and pulled its contents out as she inquired, “Missing link? Missing link to what?”  


“Three years ago you asked for anything I can find on a Terrell Milkovich. I couldn’t find anything, other than he was into heavy drugs, kidnapping, guns and he had relatives in Ukraine. Well turns out Henry Clyde, albeit an alias but he is Terry’s link to Ukraine. Terry was the middle man for drug and human trafficking. Clyde got the last resort girls from a higher caller, he got the girls to Terry and Terry sold them to God alone knows where. They treated those girls like scrap meat thrown at a dog.”  


“I don’t understand. Why would Clyde be going after Svetlana then?”  


“A couple weeks ago, when word started circling about Mickey’s release, my source says Terry paid Clyde to ensure Mickey doesn’t get out by threatening his ex-wife to miss the hearing. When Svetlana disregarded the threats and showed up for the hearing anyway, I guess Terry paid Clyde off to hurt Mickey more.”  


She skimmed over the images of Terry and the man known as Henry Clyde, “Why would Clyde work for Terry? I’m certain there are higher callers in the game he could align himself with.”

  
“I don’t think it was _work for_ so much as they were partners. That’s why the name sounded familiar. It came up when Josh was looking into Terry but didn’t really lead anywhere until now” He looked at her as she absorbed the information. Svetlana was killed because of Terry. Terry did all of this to hurt Mickey. And to destroy his life. She looked up to see Daren staring at her like he wanted to say something, “What?”  


“There’s something else...”  


“What more can there be?”  


“About fourteen years ago Terry sold a girl back to a sex trafficking ring in Ukraine. She was found after being raped and beaten by police in a really bad state. When Josh found out she survived, he reached out. Turns out she’s been trying to come to the US for the better part of 9 years. But she can’t because she doesn’t have the money. I arranged for her to get the necessary documents to come here.”  
“Why would you do that for a stranger? Plus being as far away from Terry is what’s best for her.”

“Because her name is Mila Yovenko.” She was suddenly speechless as the name sent a chill straight down her spine. Every hair on her neck standing at attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave Kudos and comments of who you think the mystery woman is?


	9. Circles of Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to dedicate this chapter to my good friend Jen. you are so gorgeous funny and i wanted to just tell you how much i appreciate you. you're such a sweetheart. 
> 
> The long awaited Gallavich date. the mystery woman is revealed, and will Elaine tell mickey what she knows?

“About fourteen years ago Terry sold a girl back to a sex trafficking ring in Ukraine. She was found after being raped and beaten by police in a really bad state. When Josh found out she survived, he reached out. Turns out she’s been trying to come to the US for the better part of 9 years. But she can’t because she doesn’t have the money. I arranged for her to get the necessary documents to come here.”

“Why would you do that for a stranger? Plus being as far away from Terry is what’s best for her.” She said, her eyes still scrutinizing every detail of the images before her.

“Because her name is Mila Yovenko.” Her eyes snapped up. She was suddenly speechless as the name of Mickey’s supposedly dead mother sent a chill straight down her spine. Every hair on her neck standing at attention.

A nervous chuckle escaped her mouth, “No man, you gotta be mistaken, she’s dead, and she’s been dead since Mickey was eight years old.”

 

* * *

 

 

She kicked off her shoes at the door way as she entered the quiet apartment. All the lights were still on. As she opened the closet next to the front door to hang her jacket she noticed Ian’s was still there. She looked down, so were his shoes. _I guess he and Mickey’s night went well_. She thought as she smirked. She leaned into the fridge grabbing a bottle of water then going to her room. For the first time in months she was feeling tired and she had her pills to thank for that. But beside her fatigue she had no control over how fast her mind was racing. She went into the bathroom to take said pills when she noticed the door of their adjoining bathroom open. She peeped into Mickey’s room to see both him and Ian sleeping soundly with Yev tucked between their chests. She gently closed the door and quickly stripped herself as she stepped under the hot running water.

She stood there for a while, the water cascading down her back as she allowed her mind to drift. She thought about Svetlana and how scared she must have felt. Her mind went to Terry as she pondered on all the evil he was capable of.  She hated the man with every fibre of her body. How could one purposely inflict pain on their own children? Then she thought about Mickey, and Mandy and Iggy, and how they’d all feel to see the images of Terry meeting with Henry, to know that Terry orchestrated the entire thing. She knew they weren’t naïve of the things he was capable of but to go as far as killing the same woman he forced his son to marry, was beyond imaginable. How they’d feel to know that Mila Yovenko was still alive and the fact that Terry lied to them all these years.  The water quickly became cold and she snapped out of her deep thoughts washing the remaining soap off her body and stepping out. She slipped underwear on and then opened her draw to find the one piece of clothing that always seemed to calm her down. The black worn out Slipknot t-shirt that she had kept all these years.

Curling into the comforts of her bed she remembered the last time she had heard of Mickey’s mother. With tears streaming down her face she drifted off to sleep.

 

_“Miiiickeyy, I told you to quit tugging on my hair,” a six year old Elaine complained as she and Mickey walked down Zemansky Road._

_Mickey stuck his tongue out at her as he pulled her in under his right arm messing the top of her hair, “Miickeey!” she pushed at him and he almost went toppling to the ground. He grinned widely showing off his small gapped teeth._

_“What do you want to play?” Mickey asked as they neared his home. Every afternoon after school they’d walk to his house, play for a bit and then she’d go home before Terry came back. She never had a mom who stuck around. So the slightest amount of time that she got to spend with Mickey’s was worth it. Mila wasn’t the perfect mother. The nights she passed out drunk or was so high she didn’t know who she was, was all the evidence of that. But if it was one thing that could be said about her, was she loved her kids._

_“I don’t know, whatever you want” they both slowly climbed the stairs and walked into the old Milkovich house. It was a usual sight, beer bottles scattered across the living room and the entire coffee table stacked a half of a foot high with guns. The unusual sight though, was Terry Milkovich sitting on the couch with a half smoked cigarette dangling in one hand and a bottle of vodka on his lips. He looked up to see Mickey and Elaine standing before him. “Yo, fucker, go get me some food.” He called to Mickey as his eyes perversely raked over Elaine. Mickey caught sight of his father’s lingering eyes and tucked Elaine behind his back as he pulled her in the direction of the kitchen._

_“I thought you said he won’t be home?” she asked as he pulled at the bag of bread._

_“Mom said she would make her famous cookies for us, she said he’d be gone for the week.” Mickey sighed as he puzzled together the sandwich for his father. She toed at the counter’s corner twisting her lips to the side as she waited for him. When finished Mickey went back to the couch and handed his father the food_

_“Where’s Ma?” he asked. Terry clad only in his boxer shorts, turned in the most uninterested way imaginable and muttered dryly, “She dead, she ain’t coming back”_

_With that Elaine was running after a crying Mickey out into the streets and down to the abandoned building. It was the first time they had ever been there. And sure as hell it wasn’t the last._

 

* * *

 

The bright morning sunrays streaming through the sheer curtains was the reason Ian had stirred from sleep. His eyes fluttered open to find his face nuzzled in the back of Mickey’s head and his arm draped around the raven haired man’s waist. He breathed in deeply letting the familiar scent intoxicate him. He always enjoyed the natural earthy smell mixed with the gentle lingering fragrance of his fresh soap. He peaked his head up glancing at the clock on the bedside table. He would die a happy man if he could lay here forever intertwined in Mickey and his scent. With a soft groan he reluctantly but gently removed his arm from around Mickey and slipped off the bed. He knew he had to get back home and get ready for work in less than thirty minutes. Although he’d much rather lay here for the rest of his life. Mickey stirred from sleep but quickly buried his face into his pillow falling back asleep quite quickly, resuming his soft snoring.

 

On his way out the room he quickly walked back to Mickey’s side and gently kissed his shoulder. He wanted so badly to kiss his plump lips that usually extra soft and slightly swollen in the mornings but Mickey’s face was buried into the pillow and he couldn’t bear to wake the man. He tried tiptoeing down the hallway into the kitchen but was unexpectedly greeted by his sister standing pouring a cup of coffee with her eyebrows cocked high into her hairline. “Morning” she said walking over and handing the cup of coffee over to him. He gave a small smile sipping his coffee. She continued eyeing him with her eyebrow cocked up. He evaded her gaze and looked at a small Yev who had fallen asleep on the couch while watching cartoons.

“He crawled out of bed, I found him playing with his dinosaur on the floor in the bathroom this morning.” Ian sipped his coffee as he watched Yev, letting his lips curl upwards at the sight.

“So you spent the night? Is this going to be a regular thing?” she asked biting into her toast.

“I don’t know, I’m hoping.” He shrugged.

“Did you two…..?”

“No, uh-uh, we’re not talking about that.” Ian said grabbing at the other slice of toast from her plate. She continued eying him until he gave him. “Fine. We may have kissed. But that’s it.”

She grinned at him before turning more serious, “What’s the deal? Are you getting back together or? Did he talk or did you do most of the talking?” He could sense her hostility but he knew it was not what she intended. “When he’s ready, I’ll listen El.”

She sighed propping her hands on the counter, “Do you plan on discarding him to the side again when things get bad because it will, you’re a Gallagher, and nothing good lasts forever with us because we always fuck shit up.” He sat on the stool at the counter, “I fucked up, royally, and I know that. But I’m better now. My meds are balanced okay?” she looked down and Ian couldn’t help but notice her frown as she spoke.

“I’m not judging you on whether or not you take your meds or if its balance, that’s not my place, not anymore at least” she was wiping violently at the countertop.

“Are you okay?” she shrugged and he knew the answer. “Shit! I got to get to work! We’ll finish this talk okay? This is already a makeup shift I’m on I can’t be late. I’ll text you and we could meet for lunch.” He jumped off the stool hugging her and kissing the side of her head, “I love you, and I really think it’s time you threw this t-shirt away.” and then he was out the door. He quickly slipped his jacket on and made his way outside the building. He knew it would be heard to concentrate on his day ahead but he had to try.

He went straight to work deciding he’d take a shower and brush his teeth there. Thank God for always having his emergency bag in his locker. As his feet pattered on the wet snow he couldn’t shrug the one thought out if his mind. _Mickey._

 

* * *

                   

Mickey had tears streaming down his face. Ian stood before him with his hands wrapped around another man’s waist. He was grinning and laughing as he taunted Mickey. “You think I love you? You’re so fucking foolish” Ian laughed louder. Mickey’s heart felt heavy in his chest, he couldn’t do anything but stand there letting the words sink in. “You’re nothing but a coward and failure of a father to your kid. Yev is so much better without you”

“NO! NO STOP! IAN PLEASE STOP!” He was shouting and kicking and his tears pooled in his eyes making his vision blurred. Suddenly he was shaking. No, someone was shaking him.

“Mickey!” He knew that voice. He focused his mind on the voice in the distance “Mickey! Wake up!” Suddenly he was in his room, and Elaine stood over him wearing a concerned look. He shrugged her hand off his shoulder as he struggled to sit up. “Fuck” He croaked as he felt the tears from his nightmare return. When did he become such a pussy? When did he start crying so much?

“Pa?” The soft voice suddenly grounded him. He looked up to meet the scared eyes of his son who sat at foot of the bed. He opened outreached arms and he could see his son hesitate. He flicked his fingers again calling him and Yevgeny’s glare softened as he crawled to his father and hugged him.

“Did you have a bad dream?” He asked in the most innocent way possible.

“Yeah buddy. Pa had a really bad dream” the fingers that were now rubbing his knees over the sheet that was still wrapped around him brought his attention to the other person still sitting on the edge of bed. His eyes met hers and she still had the same worried look on her face. He faked a smile, “You look more and more like Fiona the more you frown”

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, he looked around the room to realise Ian wasn’t there like he been when they went to bed, “where’s Ian?”

“He had to go to work,”

“Work? It’s Sunday.”

“Yeah, he had to make up some shifts for time he took off, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, what time did you get home?”

“Uhm, about ten I uh, walked around for a bit before I came home,”

“Walked around? It was fucking freezing last night.”

“Yeah I needed to clear my mind...Still can’t believe Svetlana… you know?”

“Yeah, I know” he said rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“I’m happy you and Ian are working on things.”

“Yeah, I want to do this right. Take things slow. But I want to be with him Ellie.”

“Don’t call me that you know I hate that nickname....” she said shoving at his shoulder.

He pushed her back. She got up from the bed and he now saw what she was wearing an old washed out Slipknot t-shirt that he remembered his brother having one like. Wait his brother’s had the exact bleach stain at the bottom, “Fuck, is that Iggy’s t-shirt?”

“Language! Come on Yev, it’s time for a bath. Come help my pick what you want to wear. You, there is breakfast and coffee in the kitchen, go eat” she said to Mickey as she picked Yev off the bed.

“Why are you wearing Iggy’s shirt? Wait…did you two hook up?”

“One, I’ve had this t-shirt for like four years now. Two, yes we hooked up but not recently.” She hurried out the room before he could ask her more.

Mickey looked around until he caught his phone tucked under the pillow. He unlocked it to find two unread text messages.

**Ian:** _Hey Mick :) sorry I left this morning. You looked so peaceful and I didn’t want to wake you._

**Ian:** _I enjoyed spending last night with you. Hope to reschedule our date when everything calms down. My shift ends tomorrow morning. I’ll text you. Miss you._

Mickey smiled at the last part and quickly typed.

**Mickey:** _24 hour shift? That must suck. I wouldn’t mind doing something after your shift. Miss you too._

**Mickey:** _Did you know El and Ig hooked up?_

**Ian:** _Yeah Mick, like four years ago. They were hot and heavy until she decided to join the army. After my shift sounds like a good plan._

Of course this all happened after Mickey had been arrested and no one had shared this information with him. He got out of bed, took a shower and met Yev sitting outside watching television as he chewed on Fruit Loops. He ruffled the boy’s hair and made his way to Elaine who was sitting on the living room floor sorting through the documents in Svetlana’s container.

“You know, Lana was so damn organised…like that was totally unexpected,” she casually said without looking up to him. “Also, Iggy called. He wants to know if you could bring Yev by. He wants to see him” she said still not looking up. He didn’t answer he just sat across from her eyeing her. At his lack of response she looked up. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Ig?”

“Because it was a long time ago and…it was a long time ago, okay?”

She seemed bothered by the topic, “So it was nothing? Just a hook up, nothing serious?”

She scoffed.

“Is that it? He fucked around?” Mickey could feel himself get angry with his brother.

“No. I did.” She said going back to sorting the papers.

“You cheated? Don’t you have some golden rule against that?”

“I didn’t cheat. But I fucked it up and I think he hates me.” she could see Mickey’s eyebrows raise inquisitively so she continued knowing he won’t stop, “We never defined it. We never said we were exclusive. We’d only been hooking up for like a month. Then one day I get up to pee in the middle of the night and I hear him talking with Svetlana about how he wants to settle down, have kids, get married. I got scared. So I joined the army”

“He’s the man you left behind?” his voice was gentle.

“Yeah, uhmm, I’d figured you’ve never seen this,” She said desperate to change the topic as she picked up a page from the stack beside her and handed it to him. Yevgeny’s birth certificate. And sure enough the same warm feeling he had when he saw his son the first time returned.

* * *

The funeral was the day after that. It was small and quick and Mickey couldn’t wait to get pass it and move on. He was tired of constantly being thrown off course. Here he was with a second chance at redemption, his son in his life, and a ready Ian who was more than willing to make things work. They were just pulling into a park in front the apartment complex when Ian spoke from the back seat, “Hey El, you free tonight?”

She didn’t answer and her mind seemed like a million miles away, “El! You free tonight?”

Elaine looked up from the driver’s seat into the rear view mirror, “Uh, it depends, I have to go back to the house because I promised Liam I’d help him with his project and Debbie is bringing Franny over for me to babysit. Why?”

“Do you mind watching over Yev too for the night,” He said as he then looked at Mickey who eyed him curiously through the mirror, “I believe Mickey and I have a date” he said smirking up.

“Well, in that case I’d love too.” She looked back to the back seat to see Yev cuddled to Ian’s side one hand gripping to Ian’s white shirt and the other with his thumb in his mouth. She could never get over how much Yevgeny looked like his father.

Mickey gently nudged her leg mouthing the words, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” little did he know that the secrets she had from him was slowly incinerating her.

It wasn’t long after they had gotten upstairs that Elaine was packing overnight bags for her and Yev and leaving the two men in an empty apartment. Ian was sitting at the counter flipping through a magazine while he waited for Mickey to get done in the bathroom. _I’m really doing this_ he thought. How proud his fifteen year old self would be of him for convincing _the_ Mickey Milkovich to go on a date with him.

“What you looking at in that magazine that’s making you blush so?” Mickey asked as he walked out the bathroom. Ian turned around and fell completely dumbfounded by the half-naked Mickey standing before him. He was now pulling on a black button down shirt as he came out the bathroom, fixing the collar on his neck. Mickey stopped shifting his weight under Ian’s gaze, snapping Ian out of his trance. “Sorry,” Ian muttered looking away completely embarrassed.

“What you sorry for, it’s not anything you haven’t seen before.” With that he fluffed the shirt fixing the collar again. The movement of the shirt had the left panel moving off his chest and that’s when Ian saw it, the misspelt, untidy tattoo inked unto Mickey’s left pectoral. ‘Ian Galager’. The last time Ian had seen the tattoo was four years before when Mickey showed him from the other side if the glass window. He took three short strides toward Mickey completely mesmerized by the sight. His eyes locked on his name. Mickey watched Ian but didn’t stop him. Not when he came so close Mickey could feel his warm breath on his face. Not when Ian raised his hand gently grazing the stain of ink. Mickey looked at Ian’s face as Ian’s eyes slowly looked to his, “I’m sorry,” he gently whispered. Mickey didn’t fight him or tell him to stop saying he’s sorry like he had done in the past two days. He let Ian be. Ian slowly grip the two sides of Mickey neck bring his lips slowly and softly down to meet Mickey’s. His tongue licking sluggishly into the shorter man’s mouth. The raven-haired man pulled away opening his eyes to meet glistening green ones, pecking gently onto Ian’s lips then said, “If you keep doing that, we might never leave this apartment. And we both know to make this work, we have to leave this apartment.” Ian pecked him as he nodded and then pulled away making his way to the bathroom. Mickey definitely noticed Ian adjusting himself in his pants.

 

* * *

 

 

She had just put the two kids to sleep and had settled onto the couch next to Liam as he worked on his science project. She ran a hand down her face sighing loudly. “Are you okay?” Liam asked. It took her slightly by surprise. When she left Liam wasn’t more than six years old. He didn’t talk much and he was always just happy. Now he was a ten year old kid who had grown twice his height and asked intellectual questions.

“I’m fine, you almost done? You gotta go to bed before Fiona comes home and has my ass for letting you wake late.” she asked helping him stick a few pieces of paper unto his paper volcano.

“I’m not a baby you know? I hear Lip and Fi talk about you and Ian.”

“Yeah? What do they say?” she knew her eldest siblings became paranoid on her return home due to her health but she didn’t know what exactly they thought.

“That you two aren’t well, and that Monica fucked you two over with her genes”

“Hey! Language!” she said pushing at the back of his head. “But yes, Monica screwed us over, but it also isn’t her fault. She isn’t to be blamed for my mind…maybe for Ian’s but not me.”

“You’re the only one who talks to me like I’m not a baby.” He said taking a step back to look at his master piece.

“Lip and Fi didn’t have much of a childhood at your age, they just want you to be a kid for as long as you can. That’s why Fiona was so upset when Debbie got pregnant I guess.”

“I guess.”

“Hey can I ask you something, since you’re no longer a baby” she teased. She honestly wanted his opinion because kids didn’t sugar coat things, they said it as they saw it. He nodded sitting back down to continue sticking the red paper to the top to make it look like lava spewing out.

“Say we thought Monica had died, and for all our lives we thought she was dead…but I found out she actually is still alive. Should I tell Fiona and Lip?” she wasn’t talking about Monica or Fiona or Lip. She had been conflicted since the night before. She didn’t know how she was supposed to break the news to Mickey and Iggy.

“Well, they’d most likely not care. I would want to know though.” With that he got up, “I’m done! I’m gonna sleep before Fi comes home. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight buddy” she then sat there contemplating her next move. Terry was the one who had inflicted all this pain on Mickey. She remembers seeing Mickey standing, arm around Ian’s waist at the funeral with Yev on Ian’s hip. Beside it being a funeral, she could see they were on their road to being happy. How was she supposed to drop this in his lap? How was she to tell him his father was trying to ruin him? Or that the woman he thought was dead for most his life really isn’t, but instead was sold in to a sex trafficking ring? She took out a cigarette lighting and pulling on it. Then made her way to the fridge pulling out the six pack of beer. She spent the rest of the night in that couch downing the beer and chain smoking. And when the six pack finished she resorted to the bottle of Jack from the cabinets. Because she couldn’t afford to overthink. Not with this.

 

* * *

 

They were sat in the far corner of the restaurant in front the window that allowed for the sparkling lights of the city to reflect in their eyes. This was the most romantic shit either of them had ever done. The quiet murmur of the restaurant blended with the soft music drowning out what could be considered awkward silence. But not with these two. Silence was never a discomfort between them, simply because being in each other’s presence was enough yet still it wasn’t. The waiter came by taking their orders and left, but Mickey observed how Ian was ogling at everything he caught a glimpse of, “You never came out to a place like this?” he asked.

“No, you?”

“Nah, man the closest I’ve ever gotten to nice restaurant is McDonald’s…. So…EMT huh?” after reading Ian’s letter some days before he had wanted to hear all about Ian’s quest to fix himself. Mickey wanted to know everything there was to know about Ian that he missed out on.

“Yeah, it’s nice. Very…what’s the word…exhilarating?” Ian said taking a sip of his water.

“Is that so?” Mickey just enjoyed hearing Ian’s voice.

“Yeah, it makes me feel. I get to help people, save people’s lives. It’s the best job I’ve had.”

“I’m glad you like it so much. And the uniform isn’t so bad on the eyes…” Mickey said flashing his teasing grin as he felt Ian’s leg rub against his under the table.

“What about you? Have you figured out your job situation yet?”

“Yeah, Fiona offered me the cook position at Patsy’s. Tomorrow is my first day”

“Cook huh? Since when do you like to cook?” Ian teased.

“I don’t, but it’s a job. I have to get myself sorted. I got the kid to think of now, I can’t afford to fuck anything up.”

“You gotta stop selling yourself short Mick, You’re gonna do great! You already are”

“Yeah right! You know what Yev asked me this morning?” Mickey leaned forward unto his arms on the table, “He asked me when Mama’s coming home,” Ian could see how distressed Mickey quickly became. He reached over the table rubbing his hand on Mickey’s in slow circles of comfort.

“What’d you say?”

“I couldn’t answer, I froze up. Elaine answered him instead. Told him some fucking story bout Svet going to some magical place where Yev would meet her again but not soon that it was time he got to live with me.” Mickey wiped down his face then looked up to meet Ian’s eyes, “What if I mess this up? I can’t fuck his life up like Terry did me”

“You’re not going to fuck it up. And I’m here to help. I’m not going anywhere. You were so good with me and I’m pretty sure a five year old kid is easier to handle than a queer bipolar twink.”

“Is that all you think you are?” Just then their food arrived and they were quickly digging in. in the small moments when Ian’s eyes were focused on his meal Mickey would sneak glances at him. Taking in the sight of his read hair slightly grown and falling to one side. The way his pale skin looked under the warm lighting of the lamp above the table. Ian was fucking beautiful to Mickey. Ian was Mickey’s first breath of air after an eternity of suffocation. And Mickey was Ian’s anchor, the thing in life that kept him grounded and strong.

Both men were buzzed and waiting for a cab. “Where to?” the driver asked as they got in to the backseat. Ian rambled off Mickey’s apartment address. Mickey was confused but he was too tipsy to make sense of anything.

They had stumbled their way out the vehicle on arrival and stumbled all the way up the stairs. Stopping in front the door Ian stopped Mickey by turning his waist and cupping the side of his face. “Can I kiss you good night Mickey?” Mickey giggled like a kid but then nodded as he wanted nothing but to have his lips attached to the redheads. It was rough, and rushed as both men wanted to close the space between them as soon as possible. Pulling back Ian grabbed the keys from Mickey’s shaking hand and unlocked the door. He pushed the door open grabbing Mickey inside with him. He was on Mickey pushing him against back of the door as soon as they entered. Mickey gripped so hard unto the back of Ian’s shirt that his knuckles turned white. Mickey pulled back for air as the taller man began peppering kisses along his jawline and down his neck.

“Ian…” Mickey tried to speak but it was four years since he had last had sex, it was safe to say he was pretty fucking wound up. “Ian,” he said again getting the redheads attention this time. He pulled back looking into Mickey’s eyes, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just-I” he felt almost ashamed to say his next few words. Yes he wanted to more than anything in the world. But he knew this wasn’t them taking it slow. He was scared it would complicate things, get in the way of the talking like it used to.

“Talk to me Mickey,” Ian said rubbing his thumb against Mickey’s cheek.

“I-I’m not ready man, I think we should wait.” He then said.

Ian smiled at him, bending his head down and pecking Mickey’s lips, “We’ll wait, for as long as you need. I love you Mickey.”

“You dropping the L bomb on a first date, Gallagher?” Mickey teased trying to lighten the mood.

“Does no sex mean we can’t cuddle in bed? Because I’m pretty sure we broke that rule already.”

“I don’t cuddle” Mickey said pushing pass Ian and making his way toward his bedroom.

“Yeah right, that’s not what you were saying when you were the little spoon all of two days ago.”

Both men kicked off they shoes and jeans and as Ian was about the lay his jeans on the chair to the corner of the room he saw it. His beige Henley that had been missing for too long. “Is that my shirt?”

Mickey looked up and instantly turned red, “Uh yeah, it ended up in the clothes that Fiona brought that I left at the house. I put it there _specifically_ to give back to you” he was lying and Ian saw straight through him.

“Right, so why does it smell like you’ve been wearing it” Ian said as he brought the shirt to his nose and inhaling.

Mickey scoffed climbing into bed, “It’s in my room, my scent….travels”

Ian, stifling his laugter, climbed in beside him and propped his head on his hand while the other came up to draw gentle circles on Mickey’s chest. “We’re like two fucking old men. Its 10pm ad we’re already in bed” Mickey laughed.

“Yeah well I have a shift in the morning and tomorrow is your first day at Patsy’s.” he leaned forward kissing Mickey’s ear, then his jaw until he was at his lips. “I fucking love you old man.” He said against Mickey’s lips. Mickey then wrestled him until he was on top of Ian. “I may be and old man but I’m still stronger than you, tough guy” Mickey could feel himself getting hard in his boxers at the sudden closeness of his crotch to Ian’s so he climbed off Ian and lay beside him turning his back. “Now let’s just get some sleep.” Ian lay on his stomach staring at the ceiling until Mickey’s next words had him laughing hysterically.

“So you gonna spoon me or what, Firecrotch?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments and kudos letting me know if you enjoy where this story is going.


	10. I See Myself Kissing You In Ten Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is in honour of the birthday boy Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich! The king!  
> hope everyone enjoys this chapter, its a generally light one where we can all enjoy the small happy Gallavich moments that we all crave so badly.

Mickey Milkovich had the stench of a god, or at least Ian thought so. There wasn’t anything he could think of that smelled better. He was borderline obsessed with it. He had woken to find Mickey asleep soundly next to him on his back with his left hand on his chest while the other was above his head. Ian, who was snuggled to his side, inhaled deeply kissing the other man’s side. He moved up so that his nose was hovering right above Mickey’s nipple, he stopped inhaling again. Then he moved to his neck, with all plans of just breathing in, but upon getting there he couldn’t resist so he bent forward kissing seductively at the soft skin just below the lobe of Mickey’s ear. The older man stirred then his lips stretching into a grin and small giggle escaping his lips but he didn’t open his eyes. Ian took a deep breath in again and then moved to Mickey’s armpit to repeat. Yes, to some people, smelling your man’s armpit is weird as fuck, but when it came to Mickey, Ian felt fucking honoured to do so. “Dude, stop sniffing me. It’s fucking creepy” Mickey’s low raspy voice sounded.

“It’s cute and romantic that I enjoy your scent.” Ian defended as he inhaled again.

“What’s the time?” Mickey asked with his eyes still shut and bringing his hand from above his head to pull Ian back up from his armpit.

“Just after six” Ian said as he kissed Mickey’s ear then sucking the lobe into his mouth wrench a breathy moan from his lover. He kissed his cheek, his jaw and then he stopped at his lips. Mickey’s eyes opened to find Ian looking down at him, “Why’d you stop?”

“Just looking at how beautiful you are” Ian said.

“Fuck, when did you get so gay?” Mickey giggled with no real insult behind it..

“Since always,” Ian said before pressing his lips against Mickey’s. Hands began roaming and caressing and that’s when the presence of Ian’s boner became very noticeable to Mickey. He pulled Ian’s head back grinning.

“What?” Ian asked.

“You better get in the shower, you’ll be there a while”

“Huh?” Mickey’s eyes flicked downward and then back up to Ian’s face, “You’ve got a situation you need to handle, big guy. And I ain’t helping out.” Ian rolled his eyes reaching down to kiss Mickey deeply before removing himself from over him and heading to the bathroom.

Mickey followed suit and got out of bed making his way to the gentle knocking of a pan. He found Elaine at the stove making breakfast and Yev on a counter stool with a colouring book and crayons while he was taking a spoon of his cereal. “Hey, didn’t know you two came back.” He greeted as he made his way to his son kissing his head.

“Yeah, we got up early because Frank came home and was drunk and making a scene, I didn’t want him to see that so we left. Uh, I’m making eggs. Where’s Ian?”

“Bathroom. Come on, let me take over, go sit.” He took over at the stove as she leaned away onto the counter. He stood silent taking complete notice of her staring at him. When he would look up she would quickly averted her eyes. He continued like that until he realised she was behaving the same strange way for some days now. “Okay, you’ve been acting strange since…since before the funeral. The fuck’s up?”

“Nothing.” She said it too quickly.

“Is it your meds. Are you lying about taking them?” there was never any beating around it with Mickey, he asked about the shit as he saw it.

“The fuck? No! I-I…It’s nothing.”

“Are you worried about me and Ian?” _sure_. That sounds like a reasonable excuse as to why she was acting strange…. _right?_

“Uh, yes. That’s exactly it.” It most definitely was not it. _No, Mickey, you dead mom is actually undead and your prick of a father just won the award for being even prickier._ “You see right through me, don’t you?”

“You gotta stop worrying about me, I’m fine. I can take care of myself.”

“Oh really? I was hoping I could do that for you.” Ian said walking out the bedroom with his crisp EMT uniform on.

“Ha Ha” Mickey said deadpanned.

“Hey, Yev!” Ian said walking over to the toddler grabbing him off the stool and hugging him tightly to his chest.

“Can’t br-breathe” Yevgeny said pretending he was gasping for air and then giggling when Ian began tickling him. Just as fucking dramatic as his father.

“I’m off to work guys, good luck on your first day, chef” Ian said planting a kiss of Mickey’s face then bending his head down to inhale the nape of Mickey’s neck. Holding up the plastic spatula, Mickey warned, “Dude, if you do that one more –” His words were quickly cut off by Ian’s lips.  Laughing and hugging his sister he was heading out the door before Mickey could swat him with the kitchen utensil. Mickey could see Elaine smirk and he immediately quipped with an eye-roll and a _Shut the fuck up._ How was she to ruin this new found happiness in his life? She couldn’t bear to pop his bubble.

“Are you working today?” Mickey asked as he turned off the stove and sat to eat.

“No, I’ve got a couple days off. Boss went to the Bahamas with his new girl. Can’t really assist if there’s no one to assist.”

“So you’ll watch Yev before I can figure out kindergarten and all that shit?”

“Yes, it’ll give me something to do”

 

* * *

 

“Order up!” shouted the short Hispanic woman whose name Mickey couldn’t remember for the life of him. He was busy scraping at the grill before he could place the meat on. He had come in for his first day with all intentions of training with the guy who was meant to be leaving. Said cook never showed up, so here Mickey was skimming the recipe he taped to the side of the cupboard and improvising the fuck out of his first day with frequent thoughts throwing the previous cook’s head in the deep fryer.

“Mickey!” Fiona said as she walked into the kitchen, “I’m sorry your first day is this hectic. I was hoping it would be an easy one.”

“Where the fuck is the guy who’s supposed to train me?” he asked as he emptied the meat unto the grill.

“Family services dropped in on him yesterday, they took his kid away.” He suddenly felt bad for cursing the guy in his head for the past two hours.

“Shit!”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I called in Miguel, he’ll take over at 3 and work until night. I’m sure you’d want to get home to your kid.”

“Yeah, uh thanks.”

“How is he doing by the way? Yev?”

“Good, I guess, I’m not really sure. He asks for Svet but for the most part Elaine’s been keeping him occupied.”

“Any word on who the guy is and why he’d do it?”

“Not a fucking whisper”

She rubbed his shoulder before she was grabbing a dish tray and heading out the kitchen.

Damn, this was going to be hard. He was heavily depending on Elaine this entire week but he know she wouldn’t always be there to look after his son. He needed to start figuring things out. School. Rent. How he was to be a good father to his son when he had no example of a good father growing up. He flipped the meat violently taking his frustrations out.

When he took his break he resorted to leaning on the outside of the diner to inhale a much needed smoke taking in the sight of the thinning snow settled on the sidewalk.. “I heard if you smoke enough cigarettes in a day you start hearing voices.”

Mickey looked up to see Elaine approaching him with Yev on one hip holding a Slurpee and the other holding shopping bags. “Huh?”

“How the fuck should I know? Some guy I served with kept telling me that every time I lit one up. I never caught on.” He quickly outed his butt against the side of the building and threw it to the ground. After blowing the lingering smoke in the opposite direction he reached out for Yev.

“What you doing here buddy?” he said kissing his son’s cheek.

“Ellie took me for a Slurpee and told me I need new underpants.” He said giggling.

“Ellie..huh?” he said looking to his best friend who he knew hated the nickname. He had tried since they were nine to start calling her it but all it rewarded him was a punch in the stomach or a kick in the nuts.

“He’s the only one allowed. And yes he needed new underwear and decent going out clothes  because apparently that’s something McSnorty McMansion forgot to put. Because all the clothes we have for Yev are pyjamas and outgrown baby clothes.”

Sighing he reached around to his back pocket pulling out his wallet, “How much I got for you?”

“What? No, nothing.”

“He’s my kid El, I’m not gonna make _you_ provide for him.”

“Mickey! I’ve got cash I’ve been saving since before you went in. A’right? It’s not like I got anyone else to spend it on.”

He sighed still glaring at her but knew the discussion was over and that even if he slipped the money in her purse she’d find a way to put it right back in his wallet. “Thanks for bringing him by”

“Anytime.”

“Is Fi-Fi here?” Yev asked.

“Yeah, she’s inside. You wanna go see her buddy? Let’s go” Mickey said as they all entered Patsy’s. He set his son down from the time he spotted Fiona across the diner and shouted her name.

When Yev ran toward her, Mickey turned to Elaine then, “Fi-Fi?”

“Yeah, apparently Ian used to look after Yev before Svet moved North Side. On the days when Ian were….incapacitated, Fi helped out.”

“Damn, I had no idea.” His eyes lingered on the interaction between his son and the eldest Gallagher for so long that he had missed entirely the pained, nervous expression on Elaine’s face. Or the way her fingers were trembling as she was on the verge of exploding with the secrets she carried.

“Hey, I was thinking maybe we should invite Mandy for a couple days,” Mickey’s attention was quickly turned to Elaine.

“I’m sorry, did you, the hater of Mandy, just suggest to inviting her over?”

“Mick, one, I don’t hate Mandy entirely. And two you’re turning over new leaves why can’t I?”

“Uh, okay I guess, it would be good for her to get know Yev a bit.”

She had her own reasons of gathering all the Milkovich kids she cared about. She just had to suck up the intensity between her and Mandy for a bit. Growing up, she and Mandy were as close as she and Ian. They often talked when Mandy had moved away and Mandy wrote a few times while she was on base. But when she returned and found out Mandy had abandoned Mickey she grew sour. And it was more a self-hate that she herself wasn’t there to pick up the slack of Mickey’s family. So it wasn’t a hate directly at Mandy, it was a hate directed to herself that she quickly deflected.

“Uh, my break’s over,” Mickey said kissing Yevgeny who had come back to stand and hug at his father’s leg. Elaine’s mind had gone to a much darker place and she didn’t hear a word Mickey had said. “El! My break is over.”

“Uh sorry,” she said holding Yev’s hand and turning to leave. Mickey’s hand on her shoulder quickly made her turn back, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

 

* * *

 

A couple days later, Mickey was inviting Mandy into his shared apartment with Elaine and unofficially Ian because he spent half his time there since their first date. He and Mandy were sitting around the television with Yev playing on the floor with a couple of his cars. “Where’s Elaine? Does she usually get in late?” Mandy asked as she continued chewing on her slice of pizza.

“Uh, no she’s home. I think she’s in her room.” Elaine being home and being tucked away in her room while everyone else mingled was a strange thing in itself. But Mickey was now starting to realise that as the days went by he saw less and less of her. Sure she was there in the mornings to say goodbye and she’d take Yev with her for the day. But on days when he came home early she would go back to her room. And on days that he worked later shifts he’d come home to find her and Yev sound asleep on her bed. He knew something was up but he also knew that when she was ready she would talk to him or Ian. So he sat for the remainder of the night enjoying the presence of his sister and son.

The next morning Mickey woke early and made his way to the kitchen to find Ian making French toast while he chatted with Mandy and Yev. “Hey, didn’t you just get done with your shift, why the fuck are you cooking and not sleeping?” Mickey walked around the counter standing behind Ian. He wrapped his arms around the redhead’s waist and kissed at his neck lovingly.

“How else would you get breakfast before work huh?” Ian said as he held out a plate to Mickey.

“Where’s Elaine? I thought she made breakfast?” Mickey asked as he sat next to his son who had Ian’s headphones in and was doing some silly dance while he watched some insanely colourful video on Ian’s phone.

“Bathroom, said she isn’t feeling well.” He said as he placed the mug of coffee in front Mickey.

“You trying to turn my kid into a fucking Teletubby?” Mickey asked gesturing to the dancing toddler who paid no mind to him.

“Doodlebop actually.” Mandy laughed.

“The fuck is a doodlebop?” Mickey asked as Elaine walked out towel drying her wet hair. She didn’t speak and when she was turned to the fridge Mickey mouthed to Ian asking what was up with her. He shrugged then made his way around the counter kissing Mickey and then Yev, “I’m gonna get some sleep. Maybe we could do something when you get _home_ Mick.” And with that Ian disappeared into Mickey’s bedroom. _Home_. _What this taking it slow?_ It was a line that was quite blurred to him but he shook it out of his mind and turned his attention to the other redhead Gallagher who was standing before him.

“Hey, haven’t seen much of you lately.”

“I’ve been around.” She said as she walked over to Yev tapping on his shoulder. The little ‘doodlebop’ tugged the headphones from his ear and grinned at her. “What do you wanna do today, munchkin? Aunt Mandy is gonna hang out with us while Pa goes to work.”

“Is dyadya coming to?” he asked all too eager to spend time with Ian.

“Dyadya needs to sleep, but maybe later he can hang out.”

“m’okay” he slid off the stool almost toppling over face first as Elaine and Mickey reached to catch him. His little hiccup didn’t deter him as he went running toward the television.

“No seriously, are you okay?” he asked as Elaine took a bite of the French toast Yev had yet to touch.

“I’m fine, Mickey” she said pursing her lips, “Hey, Mandy, Yev saw a toy a couple days ago in the mall, I was thinking we could go pick it up for him seeing that his birthday is coming up.” She said quietly enough that the nosey toddler wouldn’t hear.

“Uh, sure we could go right after I stop off at the bank. Just let me just go get dressed.” Mandy said as she got up and went to the third bedroom that quickly became the guest bedroom seeing that Yevgeny was too scared to sleep on his own.

“Shit! I forgot I gotta get him something for his birthday too” Mickey said.

“Don’t worry about it, Ian gave me money to buy the toy from both of you already.” He relaxed in the slightest then remembered there was something he wanted to pass by her.

“Is it okay if Iggy come by?” he blurted.

“Uh, I guess.”

“Yeah he wanted to get together seeing that Mandy is here and I’m no longer in prison. Mandy doesn’t want to go back to the house so I figured…”

“Mick, it’s okay. Really. This your place just as much as it is mine.”

 

* * *

 

Mandy and Elaine had taken Yev to the mall and then he insisted he played in the snow for a bit despite protests thrown his way. But if it was one thing Elaine quickly learned about herself was that she could never say no to Yevgeny. So she made him a deal. He’d eat one healthy dinner with the broccoli and shit in exchange for five minutes in the snow. She had grown up helping raise her younger siblings so it was safe to say she knew how to bargain.

She and Mandy were sitting on the park bench clutching tightly to their chests as Yev stomped around in the snow. It was now getting warmer as winter dwindled down but it still would have been much better indoors.

“Holy fuck!” Mandy muttered causing Elaine to look away from Yev following her gaze.

There was an old man standing across from the park with a flip phone up snapping pictures of them. “Do you know him?” The sight had Elaine’s attention instantly as she called to Yev to come back. “Yev! Come back here _teper’_!” she used the Russian word for _now_ , hoping it would stress her urgency. It seemed to work as the little boy’s head snapped up and he came running back toward her. Thank Jesus she had chosen to take Russian seriously when training for the army.

Mandy then answered her as she continued looking at the man, “He used to hang around with Terry a lot after our mom died. Then he disappeared but always came around on her death anniversary. That’s fucking weird.”

To Mandy it was weird but to Elaine it was another piece to the puzzle. The man was following them, it was evident. She looked up from Yev and saw that the man had disappeared.

“Let’s get back home shall we?” she asked Yev hauling him up onto her hip as they turned to go back toward her broken up Chevy.

When they got back to the warmth of the apartment Ian was still sleeping. Yev had been begging the entire ride home for Mandy to play with his dinosaurs with him so when they got back he immediately ran to the container of toys Mickey had shoved to the corner of the living room. Elaine’s mind couldn’t leave the man at the park. She kept thinking of what Terry could have planned. What could he possibly be plotting against Mickey? And evidently it wasn’t just Mickey and Yevgeny in danger anymore. She was still standing clad in her winter coat by the door when Mandy came out the bathroom all of ten minutes after they had got home.

“Hey, you not gonna get out of that? You’re dripping sweat” Mandy commented as she took a beer out the fridge. Yes she was in fact sweating…but she couldn’t snap out of her thoughts and the chaos in her mind.

“Can you watch Yev? There is something I got to do” she never waited for a response, she was out the door.

 

* * *

 

Mickey had worked his ass off and was tired and stressed. Who knew cooking all day would have you wound up like a fucking Jack-in-the-box? His stress and anger of how much his day was going to shit quickly dissipated as he walked through the apartment door, down the hall and into his bedroom to find a sleepy Ian listening attentively as Yevgeny showed him all the different cars he had. The kid had taken a few days to warm up to Mickey and Elaine but when Ian was in the room he came to life like he was home. The thought that Ian was home to Yev made something leap inside Mickey, because he felt all the same about the giant redhead. Mickey leaned on the door way and watched as Ian’s hand rubbed up and down Yev’s back as he excitedly exclaimed “You can use the orange one because you have orange hair!”

“Yeah? And which one does Pa get to use?” Ian asked as he noticed Mickey standing with folded arms. The toddler followed Ian’s gaze and grinned widely at him, “Pa, come! You can use my blue car!”

“Yev!” Mandy called, “Time to bathe and get ready before your uncle gets here”

Yev rolled his eyes in protest and Mickey giggled at the boy’s expression. When Mandy called again he bent down and crawled under the covers tucking himself to Ian’s side. Mandy came in asking for him but the answer became quite evident when the toddler started giggling uncontrollably. Mickey pulled him out tickling him mercilessly and then handed him over to his aunt who took him out the room.

When Mickey looked away from the door his son had just went through he turned his gaze back to the beautiful man in his bed. The one who was apparently staring at him, “The fuck you looking at?’

“How much your face lights up when you see him,” Ian said reaching forward pulling Mickey toward him.

“I’m just glad he’s happy. I know understanding this shit is hard at his age. I’m just worried he hates me because he thinks I took him away from his mom.” Ian pulled Mickey’s face closer, kissing at his chin, and then to his lips, “You’re fucking cute when you worry.” The kiss then grew lustful and deep. It seemed like since they were waiting, the kisses were all they had to cling on to.

Mickey pulled back lying next to Ian, “Why do I feel like you’re only with me for the kisses?”

“You didn’t know?” Ian teased as he turned to his side to face Mickey.

“Ha Ha. That’s not what you were saying when you professed your love for me on your door steps.”

“After you ran eight blocks to come see me…. You want to talk.” It wasn’t a question, it was an observation as Ian had become good at getting reacquainted in learning all things Mickey.

“I’ll make you a deal. Every question you answer, you get a kiss.”

“Deal.” Ian grinned as he moved closer to Mickey.

“What made you choose EMT over firefighter?” Mickey asked. This was his way of getting to know Ian, something they had skipped completely in their younger years. Everything he had known already were things he observed. Never things he had asked about.

Ian genuinely pondered on the question before answering, “The medical part of it is really interesting and I’m not that interesting in running into a burning building.”

Mickey leaned forward laying a soft gentle peck on Ian’s pink lips. Ian being the greedy motherfucker he is groaned at the loss of contact when Mickey pulled away.

“What made you keep visiting Yev after Svetlana moved?”

Ian was clearly taking every question as serious as he took his EMT exam. Mickey was doing it for the fun of getting to know the things he missed out on, while getting to smooch his boyfriend, but Ian was doing this because Mickey needed it more than he was willing to admit. Ian felt like he owed it to Mickey to take it as serious as he could, “Well, I tried to come see you, and it wasn’t happening. But I could easily go see him and it felt like you were with me when I was with him. He was the only thing that remained that was part of you so I held on”

The second kiss was sweet and lasted slightly longer than the first.

“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

“Easy, kissing you. We’d probably both be bald because Yev will be fifteen and teen years are not easy.”

“No one is pulling out your fucking hair. I love that hair.” Mickey only commented on part about the hair but it meant the world to him that Ian had seen them together ten years from then. Ian turned unto his back pulling Mickey onto him for his third kiss. It grew longer and more passionate.

“When do we go on our second date?” this was a question that took Ian by absolute surprise.

“Hmm, you liked the first one didn’t you? I’d say next week sounds great.”

Mickey leaned down kissing Ian again sucking at the redhead’s bottom lip.

“Will you move in?” that was not a question Ian had been expecting.

“Is that what this whole game was about? You finding a dramatic way to ask me to move in?”

“I thought I was the one asking the questions here?” Mickey asked pulling his face back to look and Ian’s expression. Upon noticing Ian’s shit eating grin he continued, “Plus I’m in love with the biggest drama queen to grace South Side, I must learn a thing or two.”

Giggling Ian pulled Mickey back down kissing at him more fervently, licking into his mouth and running his hands through the black hair on his head. He tugged Mickey’s hair back and kissed at the older man’s jaw, “Fuck yes, seeing that I practically live here already. This is going to make the _waiting_ thing a lot harder though.” They kissed until Yev started banging on the bedroom door that Iggy had arrived.

 

She drove and drove and drove until she pulled into the familiar car park of the Chicago State Penitentiary. She knew she was here because she had to face her demons. The demon that was plaguing her mind at night and at morning. The demon that had people stalking her and the people she considered family. She had to confront the man who ripped a mother from a child’s life. Who killed a woman who was trying her best to give her son everything he needed.

She stepped out the vehicle making it to the black metal doors.

Through security to the visiting desk.

“Name of inmate please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and comment on what you think Elaine is going to do!


	11. A Deafening Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm dedicating this Chapter to my ride or die Carla. i love you girl. you're so sweet, awesome kind and such a badass. thanks for always having my back.
> 
> What will Elaine do when she gets to the prison? Will Mickey's happiness crumple when the truth is revealed or will it be able to hang together by the threads of relationship?

She drove and drove and drove until she pulled into the familiar car park of the Chicago State Penitentiary. She knew she was here because she had to face her demons. The demon that was plaguing her mind at night and at morning. The demon that had people stalking her and the people she considered family. She had to confront the man who ripped a mother from a child’s life. Who killed a woman who was trying her best to give her son everything he needed. She had to confront him before he ripped away everything from Mickey’s life. She loved Mickey like he was her own brother. She knew him as well as she knew Ian and she’d do anything she had to in order to protect their happiness. This was it. This was her doing that the only way she knew how.

This was simple. It was a simple task that can be extrapolated by the soldier she was. It was strategic and planned. You go in, you identify your target, you aim your gun and you shoot. No second guesses, no hesitations. Except she didn’t have a gun, the only gun she had was her mouth. She breathed in deeply as she evaluated her mission. She could do this. She was Frank Gallagher’s daughter, her mouth and her words were what eluded her from detrimental situations her entire life. It was the only thing she thanked God for getting from Frank. With every step she took, she stripped her emotion like she was taught to do. She was a soldier. A number. No family. No home. You never wear your heart on your sleeve, you never let anyone see behind your eyes. She approached the visitor’s desk and waited for the question to be asked. “Name of inmate please?”

“Damon Hernandez”           

She went through the motions until she was sitting in the booth of the visitor’s room. She could do this. It needed to be done. Inmates came filing in and she waited as her feet started bobbing nervously up and down. Her stomach tightened and the vein in her head throbbed violently against her skull. Damon came in scanning the boots looking for a familiar face. She was knew his face. She had done all her research on Damon the moment she had known he was Mickey’s cellmate. She knew his height, his shoe size and his favourite meal at this point. She waved her hand at him and so he started making his way over. He had confusion on his face for a brief moment until he came closer.

He sat opposite her reaching for the receiver. It felt fucking strange to be back here and Mickey not being here. She never thought she’d come back to this visitor’s room.

“Hi,” the rasp and break in her voice did not hide her nervousness. She wore it like a fat kid wearing neon yellow standing in a sea of black.

He didn’t respond only twisted his face in a _Get on with it_ attitude. “I’m Elaine.”

“You’re that chick who came around to see Mickey. The one who gave him all those pictures that made him cry like a pussy.” His accent was thick and rolled in all the right places in an attempt to intimidate her. But she could not be knocked down. “Is mamón a’right?”

“He’s fine.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I need you to do a job” she said lowly enough for him to hear through the receiver.

“What we talking?”

“I’m talking Terry Milkovich. I heard he got moved here from up North.”

“I’m listening.”

“Dead. Name your price.” She was a robot now. All her nerves gone out the door. She had done this before. She negotiated with terrorists. She made deals that sent them to their deaths. And here she was doing the exact same for the man that causes her family pain. She was making a deal to take Terry’s life but it had no effect on her. Not when she had a body count of forty-three under her belt. What’s another one right? She could see the hesitation on Damon’s face before the crease in his forehead smoothens.

“I’ve heard of the things he’s done to Mickey. What the son of a bitch do this time?”

“He had the mother of Mickey’s kid murdered.” She knew that wouldn’t sit well with Damon. Mexican gangbangers didn’t play around. Not when it came to taking someone out. But it was a silent unspoken rule among them. _You do not hurt children and you do not hurt their mothers._

“What’s your price?” She wasn’t just doing this for Mickey. She knew the next person Terry would come after was Ian. Svetlana was the warning shot. And when it came to her brother she’d sell both her kidneys if it meant he stayed alive.

“Dead on the spot? Or you want him to suffer?”

“I think you know the answer to that”

“Do you want him to know who sent it his way?”

“Yes. The devil deserves to know who’s knocking him down. After all he has worked _really_ hard.” Damon chuckled and then proceeded with, “I can see why mamón takes to you. If that redhead brother of yours is anything like you…Mickey’s got a lot on his hands.”

“How much?” she asked again.

“For Mickey. Free.” And with that Damon rose from his seat hanging the receiver and making his way back to the metal gate.

She left and started on her three hour drive back. For a few brief moments she remained unbothered. Until it finally hit. She just called a fucking hit on Terry Milkovich.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been too long since Mickey was surrounded by his two siblings. Although he’d never admit it, he loved them and he missed them. The night had already unfolded like any other, they were all together, and no one was being pummeled by Terry. Mandy walked over to him as he sat on the single sofa nursing a beer. He watched on as Ian scooped ice cream into a bowl for an all too excited Yevgeny while Iggy pretended to voice his purple dinosaur as he swiped a finger of ice cream over the little boy’s nose. It was something he had never seen before but he reveled in it. Something he would have never guessed he wanted in his life. Something he had no clue he needed or ever thought he’s be able to get. Never had happiness seemed so simple and present to him. Mandy perched herself on the arm of the chair and leaned in toward him.

“Happiness looks fucking good on you, shithead” she said ripping his attentions from the scene before him.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” She had changed a lot since she had left South Side. When she left she had blue-black bruises scattered across her cheek bones and he faced hung from sadness and defeat. Now Mickey had trouble recognising that girl. Her black hair had gone through the full completion to blonde and she was healthy, bruise free and smiling. He was happy to see her like this because it was something he was always afraid she’d never get

“Yeah, well I’m getting where I want to be.”

“Screwing guys?” he asked. She looked at him with a scowl until he threw up his hands in surrender, “I mean that in a no judgement kind of way”

“Right… I have a plan. Two more years in it and then I’m going back to school.”

He turned to her grinning widely, “That’s fucking fantastic.”

“Yeah, well I really want this to work out. I don’t think I could come back here and live. I’ve left South Side behind you know?”

“You’ve already accomplished more than any Milkovich kid. You fucking graduated high school. You’ll fucking kill whatever you set out to do.” He settled back to watch on to his two most prized people. “Who would have ever thought that we, The Milkoviches would be happy?”

“Have you seen how tortured Iggy is?”

“Yeah, but he’ll get there. Terry isn’t home right now. Maybe he could take a step out of the whole shit you know?”

She nodded, “He’s nursing a broken heart. He’s strong, he will get over it.”

“How serious was it with them?”

“You really don’t know? I wasn’t living here and I know.”

He shrugged turning his face in that _I don’t fucking know_ kind of way that he did.

“Well, from what he said he thought they were getting serious. It was a every night at each other’s places kind of deal. Until one day she isn’t answering his calls, he shows up to the Gallagher house and Fiona tells him that she joined the army. He mailed her and she stopped responding after the first year.”

“Fuck. I know she went through some deep shit there but I had no clue Iggy felt like that.”

“Yeah, who would have thought I’d be the one without a complicated relationship right?”

Mickey looked up at her then, “I’m really fucking proud of you. No matter how you got out, you did it.” At the end of his sentence the landline started ringing loudly. Mickey slowly reached over to where it sat on the television stand and lifted it to his ear. “Hello?”

The room had gone silent. A deafening silence. The calm before the storm. That sort of silence that makes your stomach drop and you’re spinning out of control trying to figure out what bad thing has happened or is going to happen. A silence where your stomach starts to curl inside you like it wants to cease existing on a whole. It didn’t only happen for Mickey. It was like Ian sensed Mickey’s change in mood. It was like his own body starting to mirror the effects of Mickey’s. And he looked up concerned while Mickey listened on the phone. “Are you fucking sure?” Mickey asked. Was that joy, sadness, anger? Ian couldn’t tell from the look on the black haired man’s face.

He hung up and looked on to his two siblings, his son and the love of his life. This was the moment, the first moment in his life where he didn’t know what to feel. It wasn’t easy as feeling scared when Terry found him and Ian. It wasn’t easy like the hurt when Ian broke up with him. It wasn’t easy like the heart wrenching, earth shattering thing he felt the day his mother died. No. There was no easy feeling for this. Was he allowed to feel happy? Or should he feel guilty for being happy? Should he feel sad? Angry he never got to say what he needed? _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

“Who was that Mickey? What’s wrong?” Ian asks as he approaches Mickey and kneels before him holding his hands in his.

“That was Jamie.” Mickey said as he stared pass Ian’s face at a crack in the floor board. Something small to concentrate on because he was spinning out of his fucking mind.

“Jamie? Your brother Jamie?” Mickey’s current company hadn’t heard from or of Jamie in more than a decade. He left before Mickey had gone into his first bout of Juvie and Mickey  had never seen him since. Mickey nodded answering Ian before he delivered the news that had haltered his ability to process his feelings.

“Yeah, he just got a call, Terry’s dead.”

The room fell silent once again. But like all the other silent moments in Mickey’s life it didn’t last long. The jingling of the keys on the other side of the door startled them all out of their trance like state. Soon enough Elaine walked through the door to find them all staring up at her with lips parted and a dumbstruck look on their faces. Utmost Silence.

* * *

 

The three hours back gave her all the time to feel every emotion on the human spectrum of emotions. She was first hit with guilt. The guilt sparked at her brain and then it scorched every inch of her melting her away as the seconds ticked by. She had never felt this way before. Four years in the service. Two as a specialized sniper. A total of forty-three bodies. Not one ounce of guilt. It’s the fort-fourth that burned her soul. She didn’t aim a gun or pull the trigger. She made the transaction. And soon the tears were flowing. She was angry with who she had become. The person she could recognize. Long gone was the six year old girl who’d sit and feed bees in the summer or couldn’t even bring it upon herself to swat a mosquito dead.

She spiralled and spiralled and when she walked through the door of the apartment she was fully aware that the crime was already committed. The blood was already spilt and dried. There was no going back. She was sure as hell, that this was the end of it. The end of her and Iggy. The end of her and Mickey which meant the end of her and her twin brother. And the end with Mandy. The end with Yev. They’d never forgive her.

“The fuck’s up with you all?” she had to play this cool. There was no playing this cool, who was she kidding?

“Terry’s dead.” Iggy breathed out. “The motherfucker is dead. And I don’t know why this lot is sitting around like they can’t fucking speak. I’m fucking glad.”

“Fucker never did anything good to me.” Mandy said at a sudden realization.

“That motherfucker beat me twice” Ian laughed.

And then it was Mickey. “He’s finally gone. After everything. He’s fucking gone.” Mickey laughed.

“Well, I’ll drink to that!” Iggy exclaimed chugging the rest of his beer.

It was like a party had erupted but she stood there cold, empty and with guilt sucking her insides dry.

“Guys!” she called. “Guys!” they all looked to her and that’s when they knew she wasn’t alright.

“El? What’s wrong?” Ian asked.

“I have something I need to tell you.” She made the round looking at their faces, it was now or never. No turning back.

“I asked a friend from the FBI to look in to Henry Clyde. Turns out he’s a friend Terry’s. Been a friend of Terry’s for a while. They…. _trafficked_ together.”

“No that was Rick. Rick’s the guy Terry trafficked the coke with.” Iggy answered.

“Not coke. Girls.” She said as Mickey was now standing walking to lean on the window sill. “Terry paid Clyde to …” she looked at Yev who was sitting on the kitchen counter spooning ice cream into his mouth. “Take care of Svet.”

The silence fell again.

Then the explosion was catastrophic.

Mickey was exploding and Ian was stepping in his line of sight so Yev wouldn’t see. He had a freckled hand to Mickey’s chest as the older man cursed, “That fucking prick. What the fuck have I ever done to him? Who the fuck does he think he is to come and take away my family?” He was rambling and fuming. “Get the fuck off me, Ian! Back the fuck up!”

“That’s not all.” Elaine said as she looked down at her feet and toed the floor beneath her.

The silence blanketed the room again. Eyes. Wide curious eyes pierced right through her.

“Well spit it out for fuck’s sake.” Mandy belted.

“He sold a girl back to Ukraine some years ago. Police found her in a warehouse, raped, beaten, 70% scar tissue. She’s been trying to come to the US since they found her but couldn’t get documents and the money. My friend is helping out with that. She wants to meet you all.”

“Why the fuck would we want to meet with Terry’s used up whore?!” spat Iggy. She turned to him then as she spoke and with every word she could see his face change.

“Because said _whore_ is Mila Yovenko, your mother” Iggy’s face went stone cold before he was grabbing his coat and running out the apartment.

She didn’t think, she ran after him. She caught up as he exited the building into the crisp night.

“Iggy! Stop!”

He turned hot on his heels then, “Is this some ploy? You appeal to the abandoned child in me and hope I come begging at your feet to give this another go. All because you brought some woman who claims to be my mother back from the dead.” He was shouting and he was getting closer as he spat his venom towards her.

“What the fuck? You think that’s what this was? I didn’t go looking for her. I went to find out who did this to Svetlana! I thought _just like you_ that she was dead! This has nothing to do with you and me”

“What? You found out so you could go to the prison and set up my dad’s death?” he said as he pointed the Chicago State Penitentiary pass that was stuck to her windscreen glass. “What you didn’t think I’d figure it out? Not after we tell you he is dead and you conveniently have all this information? I know you better than you think. Or what? You thought I never paid mind to you? That I never noticed things? That this was just a convenient fuck for me?!” he was in her face now and she put her hands to his chest to push him off.

“I-I…Iggy” she was wrong in all her ways and there was no coming back from it.

“Listen. I’m done. I’ve been done. You made sure of that four years ago!”

“Iggy, you’re mad, stop saying shit like that. Let’s talk about this. Please. I love you!” there she said it for the first time. The tears were streaming down her face and her heart was pounding violently against her ribcage. “Please, I love you. And I was scared. But I love you, please Ig”

“Well you know what? I don’t love you. Not anymore. I don’t even recognise you.” His face was stone cold as he turned then running down the snow covered pavement disappearing with the street light.

 

* * *

 

“Because said _whore_ is Mila Yovenko. Your mother.”

It played over and over and over in Mickeys head. Iggy had ran out. Elaine followed. Mandy had burst into tears and ran into her room. Ian had gone and taken up Yev from the counter cleaned his face and sat with him on the couch. Ian sat and stared at Mickey. Mickey was still leaning on the window sill.

His world didn’t stop. It didn’t slow down. No, his world started to spin at 500 mph. He looked around. The room’s mood changed hands too quickly in too short space of time. And now he was standing there. Ian sitting. Yev falling asleep on Ian’s chest. But still he could not be grounded.

The woman who he thought was dead all these years. Just wasn’t dead anymore.

How was he to un-feel the hurt and pain he lived when he tried coping with her death?

None of this made sense.

The room tilted. Right. Left. And then it was spinning in a circle. Was he falling?  He couldn’t see. He couldn’t focus.

“Mickey,” Ian’s voice a distant sound.

“Mickey.”

“Mickey”

“WHAT!?” he snapped his head looking up to find Ian wide eyed. Yev had fallen asleep and had not budged.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No Ian! I do not want to talk about it! What do you expect me to say? Huh?” he was being unreasonable and he knew it but he couldn’t hold himself back. He was boiling. Rattling against his pot cover. Ready to blow his lid. He had no footing. No control of anything anymore. He was exploding again and this time Ian wasn’t calming him. It was like throwing gasoline into the flame.

“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to be here for you Mickey.”

“I DON’T NEED YOU TO BE ALRIGHT! I’LL FUCKING HANDLE MY SHIT!” Yev heard it and woke up a screaming mess. Ian tried hushing him and comforting him. Ian hadn’t responded to Mickey’s outburst. He knew where Mickey’s head was. He needed space. Yev started screaming and reaching out to Mickey. Mickey was all too surprised. He took the screaming child while Ian made his way to their bedroom shutting the door.

There Mickey was with a dead father, an undead mother, a hurt lover, and a screaming five year old.

It took him some time before he got Yevgeny down again. He lay him gently on the couch and sat beside him. Mickey had quickly regretted his outburst earlier. Ian was just trying to be there. To talk it out. He wanted this, the ability to spend time talking things out. And the first time things got rough he burst into flames. It felt like a few minutes since it all happened but the time on the clock said that it had been two hours. Two hours since Iggy ran out. The door then opened slightly and he turned back from the couch to see a defeated Elaine walking in. Her head hung low as she pulled off her coat and boots.

“D’ya find him?” he asked her.

“No. I just sat out there thinking for a bit.” The tweak in her voice told him she was lying but he didn’t have the strength to pry. She walked forward taking a seat opposite him. “I’m sorry, Mickey. I should have told you sooner.”

“Is that why you’ve been acting this way? All week?” she nodded then.

They sat in silence as they both watched the sleeping child. Blurred images came to Mickey. A faceless woman putting food in front him. Holding Mandy. Sending him to school. But suddenly disappearing. “Did Ian leave?” she then asked into the silence.

“Uh no, he’s in the bedroom. I snapped and yelled at him. I upset Yev.” He sighed burying his face in his hands then. His eyes stung him as he kneaded his eyes with the heels of his hands. He messed the only good thing up. How would Ian forgive him after how he behaved?

“Well, he’s still here in the apartment. That should count for something.”

“I asked him to move in.” Mickey then said looking up to find her shocked with eyebrows cocked up. “Yeah and his first night here, I make it shit.”

“Actually _I_ made it shit.”

The room fell silent again as they both stewed in their guilt. Silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground. A gaping void begging to be filled with words, a clatter and breath. And so Mickey did just that.

“I know what you did.” His voice low and gentle like he was trying his best not to spook a deer. “You’ve been gone for more than six hours. Three hours to…three hours from… like I said, I know what you did”

“I’m sorry Mickey.” She was so sorry and guilty for what she had done and now she was heartbroken and longing for her bed.

“Don’t be. You had the balls to do what all of us dreamt of doing. But you kept secrets and that’s not something we do.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, just don’t lie to me again.” she leaned forward hugging him. She then got up and scooped Yevgeny off the couch and took him to bed.

Mickey stood up and walked to the kitchen. He picked up bowls putting them into the sink. He wiped the counter tops and washed the dishes as he procrastinated making his way to the bedroom to apologize to Ian. His mind was swirling. He had reacted so quickly he barely had time to grasp the fact that his mother was still alive. He couldn’t even remember what she looked like. He had no pictures of her. His last memory was her hustling him out the door that morning for school with the promise of cookies and a week free of Terry when he got back. He hung his head and sighed heavily as he propped his hands on to the sink. “Fuck” he whispered he then finished up and then grabbed a bottled water from the fridge. He downed its contents as he learned forward onto the kitchen isle.

At the sound of shuffling he turned around to find Ian standing there with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He then reached for his jacket that he usually left draped on the back of the sofa. Picking it up he shook it out readying to put it on. _Was he leaving?_

“Hey, you don’t have to go. This is your home now.” Mickey said taking a step forward taking the jacket from Ian’s hand. Ian’s hand grazed Mickey’s as he released his hold on the jacket. “I’ll stay, but we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed it.


	12. Take Care of Me, Love Me, Unravel Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to the smut queen herself Sarah! i love you babe. you're amazing, sweet, kind, such an incredible friend. thank you for always being there for me.
> 
> The one you've all been waiting for. Ian comforts Mickey.

__

He downed the contents of his bottled water as he learned forward onto the kitchen isle. There was a new bill resting on the counter partially under the fruit bowl. Because they needed a fucking fruit bowl. If Mickey Milkovich could advise every housewife in America he’d tell them “you don’t need a fucking fruit bowl”.

He thumbed at it pulling it toward him reading it. Cable bill, fucking ninety-nine dollars. He scoffed pushing it back under the bowl. At the sound of shuffling he turned around to find Ian standing there with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He then reached for his jacket that he usually left draped on the back of the sofa. Picking it up he shook it out readying to put it on. _Was he leaving?_

“Hey, you don’t have to go. This is your home now.” Mickey said taking a step forward taking the jacket from Ian’s hand. Ian’s hand grazed Mickey’s as he released his hold on the jacket. “I’ll stay, but we need to talk.”

Ian leaned unto the back of the couch as Mickey mirrored his movements letting his back settle against the kitchen isle. They stood a few feet apart but to Mickey it felt like miles away. His outburst from earlier hung in the air like an echo playing on loop. “I’m so-” he began but his words were quickly cut by Ian’s hushed voice.

“If you don’t mind I’d like to say something first.”

With the small nod of Mickey’s head gesturing for him to continue, Ian spoke, “I get that your brain’s really fucked up right now from hearing Terry is dead and then that your mom is still alive, and I’m sorry that I pushed you if did. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to be there for you. That’s what we want right? To talk shit out? Do it right?”

Mickey waited for some time to make sure Ian was finished, “I’m sorry,” he heard himself say and though he imagined it to come out a little stronger, it didn’t. It was rough, breathy and everything he was feeling. “I shouldn’t have – I – I just don’t know how to…Please forgive me…” Mickey could feel is heart beginning to speed up again, his chest tightening as he reached back his arm to steady himself on the counter behind him. “Thank you, for being here.” He said almost a whisper but Ian heard enough to say, “I’m not going anywhere Mick, not this time.”

Mickey’s eyes looked up searching for Ian’s face, something familiar to ground him in his chaos. His eyes followed the distance between them. It was too much. Ian was too far away. He felt parched for Ian’s skin against his own. A deep longing to be close to him, touching him. It was like Ian was the last drop of water on the planet and Mickey was worn out and tired after rummaging the earth to find him. He needed him. The desire to be wrapped in the redhead kept creeping up, growing, manifesting into something more. The urge was what was causing the raven-haired man to heave. His chest rising high to fall back low.

The apartment was quiet. The only sounds ricocheting of the walls were their breaths. Mickey’s quite evident, but Ian’s a lot softer. He was always the more passive one. They both looked at each other for a long moment, the seconds dragging by as everything in the room blurred, darkened. The only thing in focus was Mickey leaning on the counter, his chest building up and falling back down. A thousand different images of their touching bodies writhing together flashed through Ian’s mind before he was up on his feet making his way to Mickey. He slowly placed his hands in the counter at each side of Mickey caging him in. Mickey’s breath continued to be raggedy under Ian and his chest was heaving more than before. “I love you, Mick. I’m not going anywhere.” Ian breathed out before gently and slowly lowering his face to Mickey’s. They weren’t inches apart. They weren’t centimetres apart. They were actually millimetres apart. Breathing one breath. Basking in each other’s smell, and warmth. Mickey licked at his lips, his tongue slightly grazing Ian’s bottom lip. Ian’s eyes couldn’t leave Mickey’s lips. Their soft pink suppleness wet and inviting him in. “I love you,” Ian whispered again. It was Mickey who moved first. Pressing his lips against Ian’s. Slowly. Softly. Unlike any kiss the pair had ever had. It felt like the first time all over again only better. Ian’s tongue teased at Mickey’s lips making them part so he could enter. He sluggishly licked into Mickey’s mouth with a soft moan, causing the shorter man to groan in a soft response. Mickey’s hands came up to grasp at red strands while Ian’s arms secured Mickey against the counter. This is what Mickey needed. This is what he longed for. The one thing that could ground him. _Ian_.

The intensity of the kiss quickly grew. It wasn’t fierce or hungry but was passionate and the urge to be close to the other. Ian’s hand came up fisting at Mickey’s waist pulling him impossibly closer to him as he gripped tightly not wanting to let go. Mickey moved one hand from the base of Ian’s neck and brought it down to pull at hem of Ian’s t-shirt. He slowly slipped his hand under the hem and touched his ice cold finger tips to the warmth of Ian’s stomach. Ian’s breath hitched at the motion and he was suddenly aware of how frantic they were becoming. He was suddenly award of their legs slotted together against the counter, the growing hardness in both the pants. He didn’t want to push Mickey. He needed Mickey to be okay with this. “Hey hey hey” he said taking Mickey’s face into his hands “we don’t _have_ to do this.”

Mickey closed the distance again laying a gentle peck onto Ian’s lips “I want to.” He kisses him again more lustfully “I need to” his kissed at Ian’s jaw, down his neck “You don’t have to Mickey, I understand-” he pressed his lips against Ian’s again “Gallagher, I’m ready” he said gently pushing at Ian so he was no longer pinned to the isle. He pushed past him and started toward the bedroom. He stopped shortly outstretching his hand, “Come on”

Taking his hand, Ian allowed himself to be dragged to the bedroom. Once in the softly lit room, Mickey closed the door behind them and pulled Ian toward the foot of the bed. Mickey turned back and was on him quickly, grasping at his neck to bring him down slightly to slot their lips together. The kiss was as gentle as before but something was different. Ian wasn’t holding back his emotion. He wasn’t trying to hide how much he needed Mickey. Their tongues danced to a familiar rhythm as both men clawed at each other’s bodies. Ian’s hands wandered up under Mickey’s shirt smoothing over his soft skin. His hand travelled up until his finger pad swiped over his nipples. A soft moan escaped the raven haired man. Ian continued his motion gently twisting the nub. He fucking missed how sensitive Mickey’s nipples were.

Mickey started hiking up Ian’s shirt as Ian’s lips left his. Ian kissed along Mickey’s jaw, down his neck, back up again until he reached that soft sensitive ticklish spot behind Mickey’s ears. His tongue licked at the spot and then sucked at it enjoying all the moans Mickey was sounding. Mickey could feel himself grow even harder in his pant as the sucking on his neck intensified. He pushed at Ian pulling the redhead’s shirt over his head. Grabbing him by the waist Mickey pulled Ian closer to him and resuming their kissing. He broke again for a deep breath and dragged his hand down Ian’s bare shoulders revelling in the sight of the taller man. His muscles glistening under the moon light that filtered through the window, small beads of sweat causing the soft light to twinkle.

He pulled off his own shirt quickly and then Ian was grabbing him back into his arms kissing at his neck, earlobe and shoulder before going back to his lips. Desperate to have his touch. To kiss all of him.

Ian turned them and gently pushed Mickey until he was lying on his back with Ian was looking down at him. Ian who was still standing at the foot of the bed pushed his sweatpants and boxers off leaving them a forgotten pile on the floor. “Move up, get comfortable. I’m gonna take care of you Mick.” Ian crawled up Mickey’s body once he had settled into the pillows at the centre of the bed.

Ian kissed up Mickey’s thighs, his hip and then along his torso. He stopped at his right nipple flicking his tongue over them and following with a kiss. He moved to the other and repeated then bit down slightly with no pressure. Mickey breathed out a loud moan and “fuck”. Up Mickey’s neck he left a trail of kisses and licks, stopping ever so often to suck at the skin leaving his mark. He dragged his tongue across Mickey’s jaw until he was back at his lips. He stopped short of laying one on him “I love you Mickey, let me show you how I love you” Mickey couldn’t talk. He was a mess of breathy moans and an insane erection in his jeans. He watched as Ian kissed down his body and started to undo his belt. Ian pulled down his jeans and boxers in one go freeing his hard member.

Ian kissed at his thighs biting softly and then sucking over it making small purple blotches along the shorter man’s legs. “Ian, please” Mickey whispered. Ian first started by licking a stripe from the base of Mickey’s cock straight up to the head then picking him up in his mouth he went down hollowing his cheeks. He moved up and down, up and down, as Mickey moaned and gripped the sheets. He pulled off lapping at Mickey’s leaking slit and then taking him back up in his mouth again.

“Fuck” Mickey breathed as he fisted Ian’s hair and arched his back off the sheets. Mickey reached to the nightstand where he put the bottle of lube he had bought. He chucked the bottle toward Ian. At the sound of the bottle landing on the bed Ian looked up meeting Mickey’s eyes grinning wickedly. He removed Mickey from his mouth and drizzled lube unto his fingers. As he took hold of Mickey’s shaft stroking it, he gently circled Mickey’s rim and then slowly entered. “Oh fuck, Ian” Mickey was falling apart beneath him but in all the right ways. He made sure to prepare Mickey slowly, careful not to hurt him. His one finger then became two and then three, until Mickey was squirming and letting out a string of, _I’m ready, hurry up, come on._ Ian’s long fingers were hitting his prostate over and over again. “Ian please. Now man. It’s been four fucking years” Ian pulled out his fingers and Mickey groaned at the loss of the warmth. He moved up Mickey’s body peppering him with kisses.

“Do I need a condom?” Ian asked. He knew it was ruining the moment. But he needed to know Mickey was comfortable.

“No, you don’t” Mickey said as he reached down between them holding onto Ian’s erection. It was the first touch Ian felt and he was moaning loudly as Mickey stroked him. “Shut up, man. Yev’s sleeping”

“Sorry” Ian breathed. Mickey raised his back so he could line Ian up with himself. Ian then gently pushed into the man beneath him. The warmth consumed him quickly going straight to his head. Was it possible to see stars after putting your dick in someone? Letting out moans at the feel of Mickey around him he brought his hand to hold Mickey’s face. He brought his face down to engulf Mickey’s lips as he pushed deeper. It was so fucking slow that Mickey thought he would explode before Ian could move.  Ian took a few moments after he had bottomed out. He just looked at Mickey with his eyes shut and his lips parted. “Ian, move” Mickey said.

Ian slowly pulled out and pushed back in. Building up a pace that was not quick and animalistic like he was chasing an orgasm but was slow, sensual. He was loving every part of Mickey that he could. Kissing at him. Caressing his body. Mickey opened his eyes to see Ian over him and it was like he fell in love over and over again with the man. They had made love before but this was different. It was something more, like a promise. A promise of forever. That this time really was different. That they’d work out this time. He loved Mickey’s body; his lips, his shoulders, his neck, his thighs. But most of all Mickey felt like Ian was loving his soul.

Mickey didn’t complain at the slow pace instead he wrapped his arms around Ian’s neck bringing their lips together. They kissed more ferociously but it then grew messy. Ian’s tucked his face in the crook of Mickey’s neck as he kissed at it.

“I fucking love you” Mickey said kissing at Ian’s neck biting at his earlobe. They could both feel their climax building. The warm heat growing in the pit of their stomachs, like a wave they could see coming toward them, waiting for it to roll closer and wash over them. “I’m so close” Mickey whispered.

“I love you Mickey” Ian said as his orgasm hit him and he was filling up the man beneath him. At the sound and feeling of Ian’s release Mickey followed close behind. “I love you too” Mickey moaned.

They laid spent like that for a while until Ian removed himself from over Mickey. After quickly cleaning himself and Mickey up he climbed under the sheets pulling Mickey in close to this chest. Kissing at his neck and head “I love you” he couldn’t stop saying it because for four years he felt like he couldn’t. Because for four years he didn’t have the guts to walk through those gates and tell Mickey how much he loved him. The silence settled in the room as Ian listened to Mickey’s soft breathing, “Are you okay?”

Mickey turned bringing them face to face. Ian’s heart shattered at the sight of tears welded up in his lover’s eyes. He didn’t have the words to say so he did the next best thing. He wrapped both his arms around the older man bringing him impossibly closer to his chest. “I love you” he whispered again.

 

* * *

 

Ian doesn’t remember falling asleep, but at some point when the light started to filter through the curtains he stirred. He didn’t wake but he was quite aware that he was asleep. He could feel Mickey pressed against his back taking deep slow breaths. The soft snore absent meaning he was awake. Ian could feel Mickey’s arm around him move back, retreating. It’s no longer touching his waist. His skin grows cold at the loss of skin on skin. Ian is about to wake fully and turn to his lover when the hand returns. The strong wide spread of Mickey’s hand caresses Ian’s hip moving south, briefly cupping the swell of his ass before descending to rub down his thigh. Mickey’s lips are greeting his neck. Ian is so fucking sensitive when he wakes. Mickey kisses his shoulder while his hand rubs up and down Ian’s hip and thigh. Every touch of the Milkovich man’s skin on Ian’s leaves a trail of goosebumps. The hair of his neck stand as Mickey’s tongue reaches out swiping at the skin. Ian involuntarily lets out a soft moan that causes to Mickey to chuckle under his breath. “Good morning.” His voice low, raspy and groggy.

“You’re in a better mood than last night,” Ian says as he turns over onto his back. He opens his eyes and meets to most beautiful site in the word. Mickey’s face above his, hair slightly dishevelled, lips swollen and pink like two soft pillows. Mickey’s eyes dart towards Ian’s groin as he chuckles again, “You don’t seem to be complaining,”

“Not at all,” Ian said as he pulls Mickey’s neck forward crashing their lips together. God, Mickey’s lips would be the death of Ian.

Mickey pulls off to reach back down and peck Ian, then his neck biting down to rip a groan from Ian. He chuckles again as he kisses Ian’s chest, his nipples, and his sternum. “You gonna keep teasing? Or actually do something?” Ian asked putting a hand to rest behind his head as he looked down at Mickey.

Mickey looked up with lustful blues as he grinned his gummy way, “You took care of me last night, let me take care of you.” He then reached Ian’s navel, he kisses at it then licked across the skin, continuing his descent. His face hovered over Ian’s noticeable erection and he pressed his face forward dragging his cheek on the outline of Ian’s member through the sheet. He pulled at the sheet revealing Ian. He gripped him in his hands and started stroking oh-so-fucking-slowly. Mickey then reached his tongue out licking at the head. “Fuck. I missed your mouth” Ian said as he turned his head biting into his own upper arm to stifle his loud moan. Mickey wrapped his lips around Ian and pushed down slightly, not all the way. He sucked as Ian fought to keep his eyes shut. He knew if he looked he’d be gone, done, finished. He didn’t want it to be over but God did he want to look.

“Open your eyes,” Mickey said as he stroked the leaking cock in his hand. His voice warm and inviting, sending chills through Ian. Ian opened his eyes to see Mickey wrapping his lips around him once more. Kissing the head of his morning wood. Then going down, lower, and lower. As deep as his throat would allow him to. Fuck. There it was again. Ian felt like he was seeing stars. He could see Mickey’s other hand reaching back to his own ass. Then it dawned on Ian. The motherfucker was preparing himself. “Are you-?” Ian asked.

Mickey nodded the best he could with a mouth full of dick. The sight had Ian swearing, “Oh fuck.” It wasn’t long until Mickey was moving back up his body. Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey and attempted to flip them over but Mickey pressed at his chest holding him down to the bed, “Uh-uh” he said as he reached down capturing Ian’s lips. He sucked at the younger man’s bottom lip as he reached back to line himself up with Ian. He pushed down so fucking slowly Ian could swear his life flashed before his eyes. Mickey Milkovich, ass and all, would sure as hell be the death of him. Mickey was fully seated on Ian’s cock when he placed two hands on his chest. He slowly rose and then fell again. He picked up pace as he rode Ian like it was a fucking rodeo show. Ian fell apart with ever thrust down on him. He reached his arms up wrapping them around Mickey bringing him down to his lips. Kissing at him. It was wild, messy and nothing like the night before. He held Mickey as he lifted his hips to meet every one of Mickey’s descents. The new angled had Mickey a writhing mess as he moaned into Ian’s ear. Ian could feel himself growing closer. He reached between then and wrapped his hands around Mickey’s leaking cock. He strokes with every thrust up and sure as hell it had Mickey coming undone above him. Swollen lips part, sweat dripping down his temple, moans emitting from his lips as he spurted over Ian’s chest and hand. The sight alone had Ian following close behind. “Fuck” Mickey collapsed onto Ian as the redhead kissed as his temple, neck and side, filling him up. He rolled them over pulling out of Mickey. They lay in their sweat and cum for some time kissing at each other’s hands and shoulders, unprepared to let go each other. The small knock on the door sometime after brought them back to reality. “Pa, dyadya, I drew my dinofaur”

Mickey laughed as he got up and threw a shirt at Ian and pulling on Ian’s sweatpants from the night before. Ian wiped at himself pulling on clothes, “ _Dinofaur_? Your kid is the cutest fucking kid, I swear.”

“Well according to Svet and her will, he’s your kid too.” Mickey said as he opened grabbing Yev up and tickling him into a giggling frenzy. Ian stood there frozen in what seemed like heaven, Mickey’s words a loop _he’s your kid too_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments with your thoughts. i love your feedback


	13. Wrap Me In Your Arms At Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say how grateful I am that you all are seeming to enjoy this fic. It means the world. I'd like to dedicate this to the ones who feel forgotten, lost, ignored, or if you're just having a hard time. 
> 
> There are things from the past that haunts Mickey's mind and sub conscience. Elaine struggles to nurse her heartbreak.

_Clarity. Find the moments of clarity. A split second can work. Just find the clarity._ Ever since Ian had been making his regular visits to Dr Vasquez that’s what they’re discussed. Clarity. He can still hear her quiet voice telling him _, Clarity. Find the clarity, Ian. In all the chaos look for the clarity._ He’d be lying if he said it was easy. He struggled more than he expected. But suddenly the clarity seemed easier to find. He knew why it was easier and he couldn’t help his lips curling upward at the thought. He was padding down the street. 8:53pm. Winter was becoming a memory and spring was dancing its way in to stay a while. The air was still crisp but the snow had finally stopped falling.

_He’s your kid too._ Mickey’s words from that morning was floating through his head. Had been since he heard it. All day. While he did inventory of the bus, while he changed the sheets of the gurney, while driving the ambulance to the hospital. He pad up the stair to the apartment complex and climbed the creaking steps, stomping on the loose floor board. _Remind Fi to check these…they’re a hazard to our kid. Our kid._ He unlocked the door and entered his now home. And there it was, his moment of clarity. His reason for finding the clarity so easily. Mickey was at the kitchen sink washing dishes as Yev looked up at him, “Please, Pa.”

Mickey turned his head to look into his son’s eyes and knew that there was no reason for drawing out the pleading, he was going to give in either way. “Fine. You can wear your ninja turtles’ pyjamas. But this is the last night. It really needs to wash after tonight. Been three days already” Yev started bouncing up and down in celebration.

“Hey,” Ian said as he put his duffel bag down at the door and kicked his shoes off. “Dyadya!” Yev yelled launching himself at Ian. Mandy came out the bathroom with a towel draped on her shoulder, “Yev, your bath’s ready.” After his fit of giggles, Ian placed him down as he ran to Mandy. Ian’s eyes met hers and he could see they were dark and swollen. She obviously didn’t sleep and may have been crying. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. He walked over to Mickey who was leaning against the sink thumbing his lip. “Hey you,” he said wrapping his arms around Mickey’s waist, kissing at his jaw. Mickey didn’t respond. He kissed again and no response. He pulled back to see Mickey staring off into the distance. “Hey, you okay?” When the rubbing at his sides stopped Mickey then came back to earth.

“What?” Mickey asked looking back at Ian.

“You okay?” Ian said pulling him back into an embrace and placing his head on Mickey’s shoulder.

“Yeah, long day at the diner. And I’ve just been thinking of…you know.” Ian nodded as the sound of the toddler down the hall started calling for Mickey. “Go put him to bed, then come back.” Ian said pecking Mickey on the lips.

Mickey pushed himself of the counter and walked toward the bedroom, “Red, dinner’s in the microwave, Mandy and Elaine made meatloaf.”

Ian glanced up at the clock above the door, 8:58 pm, two minutes until time to take his meds. He walked down the corridor and to the bathroom. He opens the cabinet where he and Elaine keep their pills. He swallows it down and chases with a handful of tap water. Every day since living here has made him feel like it’s easier and easier to be okay. To try to be okay. He breathes in and out. The bathroom is silent and he revels in it. After being on the ambulance all day, the sirens rolls around in his head long after he’s gotten home. So he likes to stop for at least a few seconds and enjoy the silence. He hears then the soft murmur of Yev asking questions on the other side of one door, followed by Mickey chuckling and answering. He smiles to himself as he splashes water on his face and then heads back out to the kitchen. He yanks the microwave open and pulls the plate out. He’s never liked meatloaf. In fact he hated it.

He was picking it apart with his fork when Mickey walked out rubbing at his face. He leans forward on the counter opposite where Ian is sitting and supports his head with his hand. Ian looks up to see Mickey with a soft smile staring at him. “What?”

“You’re picking at it.” Mickey observed.

“I’m not.” Ian mumbled, “Just tired and…”

“And what?” Mickey said as he turned and opened the fridge.

“I’m worried about you, you haven’t really…you know? Talked about it.” Mickey looks back to Ian and then pulls out a couple eggs and milk.

“Come on, give me that. I’ll make you something you’ll actually eat.” Mickey said taking the plate from Ian.

“I’m fine with it. Come on you’re tired.”

“You and I both know you ain’t gonna eat this shit. And you gotta eat a full meal on your meds.” Ian knew there was no arguing with Mickey so he raised his hands in surrender. Mickey situated himself at the stove his back facing Ian. Ian would have to admit he was enjoying the fucking view. The way Mickey’s sweatpants…wait was that Ian’s? Ian raised off his seat a little peering over the isle to see how the grey sweats pooled at Mickey’s feet…definitely Ian’s. The way Ian’s sweatpants fell against the curve of Mickey’s ass, hanging low on his hips. The tank top revealing his back muscles that relaxed and contracted as he moved his arms. Was Ian drooling? He might as well be with the sight before him.

“I can feel you staring at my ass, you stare any harder and it might fall off,” Ian could hear the smirk in his voice.

He looked up at the nape of Mickey’s neck, the way his black hair faded slightly as it descended. “We can’t have that…I might just die if it falls off.” Mickey laughed turning to flip Ian off.

It wasn’t long until he placed a plate of eggs and sausages in front of Ian, “Breakfast for dinner. You can’t get better than that.” Ian quickly started eating while Mickey took a seat next to him. “How was your day on the ambo?”

“Long, tiring. Sue and I, we-we lost a patient.” Ian said. Losing a patient was always hard. No matter how much he told himself he didn’t know them and that he did the best he could it still never shake the feeling of sadness and guilt. “16 year old kid got shot,”

“Fuck.”

They sat in silence until Ian was scraping at his plate. “Mick-” Ian started at the same time Mickey said, “I don’t remember her.”

He turned to meet icey blues, sad, heavy with love? Hurt? Anger? It was reeling him in. Mickey’s eyes always pulled him in like the strong current of the Pacific Ocean. They were glassy and Ian could almost see himself in them. An image of his hard features lost, not knowing how to help Mickey. “I don’t remember her, Ian.” And then they weren’t glassy. They were flooding, breaking their banks and flowing effortlessly down his pale skin. Ian was pulling Mickey into his arms and kissing at his head. “Hold on,” Ian immediately thought of something.

His fourth birthday party. It was mid-April and it was just after Fiona, Lip, Ian and Elaine had been taken away from Frank and Monica for the first time. Tommy, from the Alibi, had been the one to pull the two delinquent parents from their three week bender and help them get their kids back. It was safe to say that was the only birthday party Ian and Elaine ever got from their parents. All after, were small celebrations that Fiona pieced together herself. He doesn’t remember much. But after Frank and Sheila had that botched wedding in the middle of the hospital ward, Sheila had passed on to him pictures of the last time she was out the house. His birthday party. _I know your mom never took pictures of that day so I took it upon myself._ He remembered her saying, as she passed on to him the envelope. Ian walked to the other side of the living area and dug through the box of memorabilia he had packed for his sister to move here with. He had long been past the point of holding on to the very little memories of his piece of shit parents. _Take it, it’s all pictures and shit from when Frank and Monica weren’t so terrible._

He found what he was looking for. The brown envelope, scribbled across _The Gallagher twins_. He could almost see Sheila’s smile with her crinkled nose when she hands it over. He pulls the stack of photos out and starts flipping through. He looked over the photos probably a hundred times during his manic phase. Looking for a six year old Mickey. _Fiona, who’s this kid?_ He’d ask. After going through all the kids and finding no Mickey he’d ask about the adults. And he remembers Fiona mentioning that the brown haired lady next to Monica was Mickey’s mom. _That was the only weekend she ever mingled with the neighbourhood, I think Terry was out on a coke run or maybe prison._

He sets the photo down in front Mickey on the counter, his index finger coming up to point at the woman. “That’s her, according to Fi.”

A smile? Or a grimace? Ian couldn’t quite tell which he saw on his lover’s face before he burst into a mixture of tears and laughter. “I remember this. It’s the only fucking birthday party I’ve ever been too. Well I mean if you don’t count the half assed ones Fiona threw.” He meets Ian’s greens, they’re bright, like the first break of spring. Fuck. There he went again falling in love with the ginger at the absolute weirdest time. He motioned his finger for Ian to come closer and then moved his pointer finger to the photo. “Red and white striped t-shirt, with his head in the cardboard box.” Epiphany.

“That’s you?” Ian’s smile grows wide as he looks down at the picture. He had searched those images over and over completely unaware that the kid with his head stuck in the cardboard box with arms outstretched like a zombie was Mickey. The image of Mila isn’t the cleanest one, part her face is blocked off by the brunette four year old Mandy in her arms. Mickey nods and then looks down at the memory. “Fuck, is it bad that I still don’t remember her?”

“No, it’s been a long time Mickey. Part of you has chosen to forget that part. From what I remember, we didn’t see you for a year after she ‘died’.”

Mickey placed the picture down and wrapped his arms around Ian’s waist kissing at his chest, “Let’s go to bed, you have an early shift in the morning,”

* * *

 

 

It was a burning sensation sitting on her chest. Burning? Maybe tightening. Like her ribcage was being crushed while her skin tightened on her ribcage. Her lungs felt punctured. She was out of breath. Gasp. _Gasp for fucking air you idiot. What the fuck did you expect? Him to run into your arms?_ She was internally yelling at herself. Fuck, she wished her pill would make her sleep but it’s been three hours of lying there staring up at the ceiling. The beige, boring, bland ceiling. _Maybe I could put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling._ Burning. The burning was back like a concentrated acid seeping into her bones and melting her very existence away. Is this what heartbreak feels like? _I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE_. It’s a shout, a scream, a projection onto the back of her eyelids. It’s a billboard sign on the highway repeating itself every ten feet.

A run. She slides out of bed and slips off the Slipknot t-shirt she’s been wearing. She pulls on a sports bra and a leggings. A run should help. Right? She glances at the clock on the bedside table, 12:47am. _Yes, you fucking idiot, a run at thirteen minutes to one in the fucking morning will help_. She goes to the bathroom, yanking the door open to find Ian, awake. “Fuck, sorry.” She quickly turns and waits for him to finish. When she hears the sink’s streaming water, she turns then to find him eyeing her carefully. A cigarette dangling from his lips, unlit.

“Thought you quit?” she said reaching into the closet of the bathroom for a small towel.

“I did. I was just- I was- I don’t know if I was going to light it. It’s tempting you know?” he says as he puts the cigarette on the counter. “You going somewhere?”

“For a run. Can’t sleep.” _Fuck. He’s gonna figure it out, you dimwit_.

“You oka-” he stops. He’s silent. She turns around to find his eyes raking over her torso. Her sides. _Fuck_. Her scars. “El?” he’s calling her but she’s already out the bathroom grabbing her bag. She’s out the door. And she’s running. Feet pounding on the pavement, wind blowing on her face. Caressing her features. Her chest seems to be loosening up. She’s breathing. The sky is black and not a star seems to be twinkling, just the moon a hazy blur. Run. Let it out. Adrenaline coursing through her veins, it’s the same feeling she felt when she was back in the desert. Her balaclava concealing her face, she had no identity. The thrill of running in, gun strapped to her chest, one on her hip, her side piece in her boot. Tucked low behind broken half walls. Her chest rising, her bullet proof vest brushing against the metal of her gun. A thin layer of sweat coating her neck as she waits. Crouched. Waiting. Then click. One out. Click. Two out. Click. Third target is out.

She kept going. Her mind racing. Would she have ever left if she wasn’t forced out? Probably not. Her entire body worked. Feet carrying her until she was at the wharf.

 

* * *

 

The scar definitely wasn’t there growing up. He’d remember her having an incident so serious. They were big, long, definitely deep. He didn’t see where they started nor where they ended. Ian is lying in bed. He was so tired, but needed to pee, that’s how he saw them, decorating her side. Now he can’t sleep. Not after seeing that. A run? He picks up the phone that’s lying beside him, 1:01am. He’s worried. His mind ticking. He closes his eyes and tries to drift off. Maybe she’s worked up. He gets like that. Even though he’s on his meds. The meds don’t erase the problems. They dial them down a bit. Sleep. Is he sleeping? Not quite yet but he’s drifting. He can almost see the dream he was having before his bladder rudely woke him. Mickey and himself dropping Yev off to school. Kissing him on his tiny head and then leaving. They go to their car. The car they both bought with money they didn’t steal. He’s so happy in his dream and little does he know that his lover is in the wake of a nightmare.

It’s the same nightmare. The only changing thing is the man in Ian’s arms. Sometimes he’s a blonde. Other times he’s an olive skin stripper grinding on Ian. In every version Ian is laughing with his eyes rimmed with eyeliner. His tiny sequences booty shorts accentuating everything. Glimmering under the spotlight. He’s taunting. But so real. “You’re nothing to me. You’re so fucking dispensable. You’re not good enough. Not for me. Not for your son. Not even for your mother. You’re gonna fuck up all our lives.”

“IAN! NO!”

Is Ian dreaming that or is the bed actually shaking? His eyes fly open to see Mickey kicking. He’s shouting at Ian to stop. Tears. There are tears down his face but his eyes are closed.

“Mick!” he reaches out shaking him, “Mickey!” he’s suddenly awake and flinching at Ian’s touch on his arms.

“Hey, Mick, it was just a nightmare. You’re safe” he tries repeating. He reaches over turning on the bedside lamp. Mickey sits up groaning rubbing at his eyes.

“Fuck,” his voice is still broken, raspy.

“Mickey, are you okay?” Ian is worried and he’s moving until he’s in front Mickey. He sits back on his heels watching Mickey as he rubs the tears away.

“Yeah.” Ian doesn’t believe him and Mickey knows the redhead isn’t buying his lie.

“Come here.” Ian said wrapping his arms around Mickey. Mickey doesn’t respond, he’s tense and still. Ian pulls back to look him over and realise he’s no longer crying his face stern and unmoving.

Ian moves back to his space beside Mickey, leaning into his pillows against the headboard. “Did-did I do something?”

“No” Mickey reaches over to the bedside table and thumbs a cigarette out the pack, putting it to his lips. He looks around for the lighter. Ian sees him looking and reaches to his bedside table to give him it. “You smoked?” Mickey asked.

“No, I was going to…but” Ian’s voice is small.

Mickey lights the grit and pulls in deep, then exhales. He’s surprised by Ian’s out reached hand, begging for it. Mickey looks back at him concerned with questioning eyes. Ian nods and he grabs it from Mickey’s fingers. The first pull feels intoxicating, the nicotine creeping into his bloodstream. He almost smiles at the feeling.

“When did they start?” Ian asks into the silence.

“When I got out.” Mickey simply states leaning back against the headboard turning his head to watch Ian. He takes the cigarette back and breathes it in while Ian’s hand comes down to hold his.

“What did you dream, Mick?”

“You, wo-working at the club, holding another gu-” his voice cracks but his eyes are unwavering. Looking at his redhead. Deep forest pools staring back. “You kept…you kept saying I ain’t good enough.”

“Mick.” It’s a whisper that floats through the air mixing, prancing with the smoke. Caressing Mickey’s ears, “I would nev-…I’m better. I’m sorry I…I’m sorry for the things I did when I was…” Ian’s hand is reaching out the holding Mickey’s cheek. The blacked haired man leans into the touch.

“I know. I know.” He closes his eyes, feeling Ian’s skin on his face.

“I love you, Mickey.” Ian whispers.

“I love you too.”

They both lie down again, staring up at the ceiling. Their comfortable silence settling around them. Their breaths filling the silence until Mickey is whispering, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What is it like? You know, bipolar?” Ian breathes in deep. He thinks of the right answer.

“When I’m m-manic, or…”

“No, I mean like every day, now that you’re on your meds.”

“Mostly fine. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes it’s hard to concentrate, it’s like I’m spinning and the other times, and it’s all so fucking still.”

“Okay,” it isn’t much, but he knows it’s all Mickey can say.

“Have you spoken to Elaine…about her time…away?” Ian said still staring up at the ceiling.

“Yeah.” It’s a breathy answer which makes Ian turn over to his side so he’s facing Mickey. Mickey mirrors him. “She’s been through some fucked up shit.”

“Her scars?” Ian reaches out tracing his hairline. Mickey nods, “She was…Some guy in the army…he-you know?” He couldn’t say it. But the shock on Ian’s face said he understood.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”  They remain silent as Mickeys hand drapes over Ian’s waist. Both men enjoying the slightly sleep hazed image of the other.

“You know I love you right? And I’ll never do what you dreamt…not again? I love you Mickey, so much and I don’t want to mess this up.”

Mickey nodded moving forward until he was in Ian’s arms. He lifted his face until he was kissing Ian’s chin. Ian bent his head down to reach Mickey’s lips. The kiss was soft and gentle. They both enjoying each other’s taste and smell. Ian moved until he was hovering over Mickey kissing at his neck and ears. He stripped him slowly, making sure to kiss every inch of skin. Mickey held onto Ian’s neck as his legs moved up to wrap around Ian’s now bare body.

Mickey could feel himself falling apart as Ian pushed into him, their bodies writhing together. Slow. Sweet. Ian loving every bit of him. As the fire grew within him Mickey could feel his eyes sting with the tears. He’s never cried before during sex. But this was some unworldly shit. Ian pulls head out of the crook his neck and brings a hand up to hold Mickey’s face. Their forehead rest against each other’s and they’re both there, breathing on air. Reaching their high, together, as one. “I love you,” they both breathe against each other.

 

* * *

 

She was short, petite, and she had brown hair. That’s about the only few details Mickey remembers of his mother. He doesn’t remember her eye colour or her smile. She’s a faceless fiction of his imagination. She was there one day and gone the next. He just stopped thinking of her one day. It was around the time that Mandy stopped asking for her. She was dead. Gone. Forgotten. And then suddenly she wasn’t. Suddenly he was standing in his kitchen chewing at his finger nails. _Stop, Mickey. You’ve got fucking great nails. You’re just fucking them up!_ He yelled at himself. The self-anger had no relation to his nervous habit of chewing on his fingernails. It was because he was standing them, waiting. They were all just waiting around. Daren was the one who arranged for her arrival, he said after she had gotten here, he’d take her to get stuff sorted. _Deep breaths._ Yev was playing with his toy cars on the ground while Ian sat with Mandy. They were just fucking sitting there. Mickey was pacing and Elaine…where the fuck was Elaine? He looked around the room, he could hear her voice, a distant murmur.

Then she was coming out the bedroom, heavy footed, a jog almost. “They’re here.” Ian was grabbing Yev up into his arms. They were all rushing out the door, and down the steps. Mickey’s heart was pounding violently. Banging against its cage. A black town car pulled to the curb. _Who the fuck drives a town car?_ Breathe. _Deep breaths Mickey_. They’re all there, Ian holding Yev one arm on the small of Mickey’s back. Elaine at the side of Ian. Mandy on Mickey’s other side. Iggy. He isn’t fucking here, never answered their calls to show up. He feels like he could run. Make ninety degree turn and run. As far away as possible. As fast as id feet could carry him.

The back seat door opens, and then suddenly she is there. She isn’t a rumour anymore. She’s actual flesh. She’s still petite, her hair the same brown colour like the picture. She looks up from the ground and their eyes meet. She has soft kind eyes, grey like the last ashes of a dying fire. They were bright, inviting like the lingering smoke of newly lit cigarette. She smiled a warm smile, a familiar smile. And suddenly Mickey remembered her. Every memory flooding through the gates like the waters came through the Titanic. _Be a fucking man. You’re not going to cry. You’re not a pussy_. And he didn’t, he willed himself to not cry even though he was standing facing the mother’s whose death he mourned more than a decade before.


	14. Kind Eyes Filled With Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for supporting this fic...thinking about doing another after this so let me know in the comments below if there is any AU in particular that you'd like me to try.

_You have kind eyes_. He could almost hear the words Svetlana spoke to him so many years ago. And finally he can understand what she meant because here he was, standing on the curb in the crisp March air looking into kind eyes. Was he dreaming? Was this all just a figment of his imagination? If he pinched himself hard enough would he wake up in that old tattered cell next to Damon? This couldn’t be real, the entirety of it, getting out, getting Ian back, Svet dying, his mother being alive and now standing here facing a ghost of his past. It all didn’t seem real.

He closed his eyes tightly and opened them again. No. It’s real, he really is standing here. He was suddenly aware of the heat of Ian’s hand on his back. The way his shoulder was tucked under the redhead’s arm. Did his mother have the same kind of mind like his father? Would she ridicule him for who he had spent so long to accept he was? That’s when the fear struck through him and he found himself leaning away from Ian’s touch. He looked at her, standing at a mere 5’3”, her brown hair framing her face and falling just below her shoulders. She was beautiful and so very similar to Mandy. He still, even after seeing her face, couldn’t remember her. But her eyes…they were like a window to his childhood. A window that was latched shut and the curtains were drawn. A window, he couldn’t help but yearn to open. Maybe his younger years weren’t as bad as he was conditioned to believe they were. She was nervous. He could see it in the way her lips pursed together and her hands shook even though they were tightly clasped in front her. Then she spoke, and that’s when Mickey felt his heart flutter slightly in his chest and he found himself leaning into Ian involuntarily, seeking out his comfort he had so eagerly tried to deny before. “Hi,”

Mandy and Mickey stood dumbstruck like they never knew words before. Ian himself couldn’t help but ogle at her while Yev combed his hands through red hair while his face was tucked into the crook of Ian’s neck. At the realization that no one else would say a word Elaine stepped forward slightly with an outstretched hand, “Hi, I’m Elaine.”

“I r-remember, you still have the same face.” Her accent was thicker than he thought it would be, hanging in the air like the echo of a horror house. Mila took a step forward towards Mandy her hand raising slowly to Mandy’s cheek, “ _Dochka_ ” (daughter) she said, with a deep desperation laced within that one word. She was his mother but she was a stranger all the same yet Mickey found himself feeling empathy for the pieces of woman before him. Mickey could see the fear and anxiety in his sister’s glassy eyes, her bottom lip being pinch between her teeth to hide its quivering.

“I don’t have time for this shit!” Mandy then announced turning suddenly and running down the street disappearing around a corner. Did he run after her? Or did he stand and face all the same feelings that Mandy just ran from? Should he leave Ian to meet his mother without him? Should Ian be the one to introduce her to Yevgeny?

Unlike Mandy, he felt like he had ropes tying him down to where he stood. He had commitments and he had a son he now spoke for.

“Mikhailo,” the sound of his name escaping the stranger’s lips had his head snapping back from the direction Mandy disappeared in. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth gnawing at them.

“Why don’t we go upstairs, huh?” Elaine said.

Mila stepped forward following Elaine’s guide, her eyes staying fixed on Mickey until they disappeared behind the doors of the apartment building.

“Are you okay?” Ian’s voice low as he walked around to look Mickey in the eye.

Mickey couldn’t find words, his throat ached with its dryness and the lump there grew larger as the seconds passed by. All he could find himself having the courage to do was nod. The night before, he had thought of all the emotions to expect, the sadness, the pain but most of all he expected the anger to come flooding through. He expected all the pent up anger toward Terry it boil over until her exploded but standing there he didn’t feel it. He felt hurt, and his chest panged with an ache and longing to roll over and drown in his own tears. He held his arms out for Ian to give him his son. He needed to feel his warmth in his arms. Ian, understanding what the love of his life needed, quickly passed the giggly toddler over. Ian then bent down and pressed a chaste kiss to Mickey’s lips and then to his cheek bone, “You’ve got this. Come on, let’s go up. I’m here”

Ian held his hand as they ascended up the stairs and into the apartment. Mila was sitting on the single sofa while Elaine brought her a cup of coffee. When they entered all eyes were on them. _It’s now or never, she was always different than Terry_. Mickey decided that he’d lay his cards out on the table. If he wasn’t the son she wanted, she could leave it. He was done being the closeted south side trash four years ago. He overcame that part of him when he came out in front Terry. When Terry dove onto him pummelling him in the head. He walked forward taking a seat opposite her and putting Yev down to stand between his legs. Ian, following suit, sat next to Mickey careful to keep a good distance.

“I go by Mickey, not Mikhailo,” he said softly as he put a hand out and she took it shaking it and giving an easy smile. “This is Ian, who I’m sure you remember, he’s my…I wanna say boyfriend…but he’s more than that. And this,” he said gesturing to his son, “is my son, Yevgeny, so if any of this bothers you, you can go, because I’m not going to hide who I am.”

She sat there a little wide eyed until she swallowed hardly and then spoke, “None of this bothers me, I’m just happy to be able to see you.” She then turned her attention to the little back haired boy who had grown quiet and eyed her carefully. Her eyes becoming glassy at the sight of a boy who looks so much like the one she left behind “Yev, this is…your-uh-grandma, El what’s the word for-”

“ _Babushka,_ ” Elaine said coming to sit on the other couch.

“He looks just like you did, Mikha-Mickey. You’ve been teaching him Russian?” Mila asked with obvious surprise in her tone.

“Uh, yeah, his mom is – was Russian” Mickey said still perched at the edge of his seat like he was on the verge of bolting like Mandy did.

“That’s nice you let him know her heritage even if she was just a surrogate.” She smiled putting a hand out for Yev to touch. The little boy shied away burying his head in his father’s chest. Mickey’s heart started to race again and he felt anger prickling at his skin. This was the anger and feeling her expected. _Deep breaths, she doesn’t the hell he put you through. Assuming much, asshole?_

“El?” Mickey asked looking at her and then down to his son. Reading his expression easily she got up, “Yevy! Why don’t we go see where you left that purple dinosaur of yours” she picked him up taking him to the bedroom.

Ian could tell easily that Mickey was becoming uncomfortable. He looked to the woman who sat there with her emotions blatantly painted on her face. She was confused, “I’m sorry, did I say something?” Mickey then looked to Ian with pleading eyes to take the wheel. Something he didn’t do quite often. Mickey then got up from the couch and walked to the window.

“Uhm, Yev’s mom, Svetlana, she wasn’t a surrogate.” Ian said softly his eyes never leaving his lover.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed, because you two…”

“Terry paid Svet to fuck the faggot out of me, and when she got pregnant he forced me to marry her.” Mickey blurted his voice brazen and harsh.

Ian looked at Mila then, as her eyes welded up with tears, “he found us, when we were teenagers,” Ian continued.

“Where is he?” he voice grew hard in a similar way Mickey’s did when he was about to pounce on someone.

“The motherfucker’s dead” Mickey announced from the window turning as he leaned on the sill.

Relief. That’s the look that came over her. Relief and years of pent up hurt and anger buried below. “I’m sorry,” she said softly looking her son his eyes. “I’m sorry for what you, and your brothers and Mandy had to go through. If I had a choice I would have stayed. But I don’t know if you know this but Terry didn’t give me much of a choice.”

“Did he ever give anyone a choice?” Mickey scoffed looking into Ian’s eyes. The memory of seeing his father’s fist hit his lover tearing through his mind.

“Where are your brothers?” she then asked.

“I don’t know. Iggy is around…he just didn’t know how to deal with this shit. Joey, Jaimie and Tony are who the fuck knows where…”

“Maybe if I was here…everyone might have stayed together…”

“What happened? I was leaving for school and next thing I know I’m coming home to you gone and him saying you’re dead.” Mickey’s voice sounded soft but strong. Ian rose up and went over to stand next to him. His arm resting on Mickey’s back around his waist.

“I was in the kitchen, making him lunch, preparing for him and Tony to go out on a run, when his – uh – friend, Henry came by.”

“Henry Clyde?” Ian asked then.

She nodded letting her eyes fall to her fiddling thumbs, “Yeah, I tried to keep him away from you all. Told Terry he could only come by when you weren’t home. He came by and he… _collected_ from me.” She said unable to meet her son’s eyes. Her words didn’t elude Mickey. He knew what she meant.

“Terry let him…to you?” he asked. He needed confirmation that his father was far less of a person than he knew he was. “Son of a bitch” he muttered turning to look out the window. The anger came back again, bubbling under his skin ready itching to be let out.

“I don’t remember much, just that I woke up in the back of a van with…pain…and then all I knew was they shipped me off to Kharkiv.”

“Fuck” Ian could hear the hurt and pain in the whisper of the black haired man.

“What happened…to the boy’s mother?”

“She died…Terry had Clyde kill her,” Ian answered when he saw his lover couldn’t find words. “That’s how we found out about you…Elaine had someone look into him.”

She got up then and walked toward Mickey, she raised her hand toward his face, and he immediately scoffed and pulled back. She looked at him then with pleading eyes and that’s when he saw her pain. That shared pain. The pain she stifled for more than a decade. When she reached out the second time, he let her hold his face like he had missed all the years before, and he let her wrap her arms around him and for a brief moment he let himself enjoy it because he never the thought the day would ever come.

 

* * *

 

Fiona had given the keys to the small empty apartment meant for a landlord, for Mila to stay in. He lay beside Ian for some time relishing in the sight of the sleeping ginger. His thumb gently stroking Ian’s hair back. Bending his head he lay a soft kiss to Ian’s forehead and then slipped out of bed and into the living room. He sparked up a cigarette and sat on the sofa taking in the night. “Can’t sleep?” he heard Elaine’s voice say.

He looked back to see her leaning on the kitchen counter eating cereal. “No, you?” she shrugged placing her bowl in the sink and then coming to sit beside him. She took a cigarette out the pack and lit it, staring out the window.

“Are you okay? Haven’t seen you much, you’ve been held up in your room a lot.” Mickey asked earning him another shrug before he asked, “Are you taking the meds?”

She looked at him, pulling the cigarette free from her lips, “Yes, I’m taking my meds.” She turned back to the window, “Are you okay? With everything…”

“I don’t fucking know.” He inhaled the smoke letting it seep through his veins, “It all feels so fucking unreal.”

“Tell me about it.” She scoffed.

“You know, I can’t remember anything before that day, coming home to Terry saying she’s dead…I don’t remember shit…like what kind of mother she was.”

“I could tell you she was fucking fantastic compared to Monica.”

“Yeah” he said laughing a little.

“You gonna get to know her? Let her know Yev?”

“I mean, yeah, I want to. I just…Fuck,” he ran his hand down his face then thumbing at his lip. “Where the fuck do I start? She’s literally a stranger.” it was then that he noticed that his best friend hadn’t really been paying attention to him, she was wrapped up in her thoughts and he was just a distant sound.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” he asked when he realised that her eyes were welding up.

“Uh, yeah, I’m just tired.” She said shaking her head, “I’m sorry, go on.”

“No, go to bed, I didn’t really have much plans to talk when I came out here anyways, go to bed.” She smiled easily at him before retreating to her room.

She had been brushing off the sting in her chest all day. She knew she needed to be there for Mickey but the pain she carried was starting to become too much. She fell in deep love with Iggy and she ran when it got too serious. She thought the distance and the army would help her see it clearer, but all it did was made the pain of losing him all that worse. It was worse because she knew there was no one to blame but herself. She had to find a way now to move past it but that was something she couldn’t fathom. She picked up her phone, _No New Messages._ She had sent off texts, calls and even went by the Milkovich house to look for him but he was just dust in the wind. So she fell asleep late that night with her mind conjuring up all the worst case scenarios of where he would be. And trying her goddamn best to ignore the ripping pain that sat on her chest.


	15. Floating. Completely spinning. Feeling utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ian bonds with Mila
> 
> Elaine confronts Iggy

Elaine shook out her sweaty palms as she padded down Zemansky Road. She had come by the familiar house twice since Iggy had ran off after breaking her heart, but she never saw him. Mandy had taken up abode in the house of her tormented past and refused to come back to the apartment. She had claimed that she had gone through her entire life without a mother and she most definitely didn’t need one now. The redheaded Gallagher brought her fist up to knock at the tattered door at the same time it swung open. And there he stood, scruffy haired, cigarette between his lips and holding her heart in his hands. “The fuck you want?” he scoffed glaring at her harshly.

She took a deep breath in and then out. _Remember why you came here_. “Look, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, and you probably hate me. But I just thought I’d let you know your mom has been asking for you. I don’t know what hell she put you through because I don’t remember much from then but I can tell you she isn’t Terry. I think she deserves a chance. And anytime you wanna come by and see her I’ll stay away if you want….just meet her Ig…she deserves a chance” she said her piece and turned on her heels to leave. She didn’t want to have to stand there any longer and stare at him while he squeezed her heart in his fist.

She descended each stair carefully and was almost to the metal gate when she heard him say, “I don’t hate you…” she turned then to see him standing there with a look that seemed to be filled with the same kind of hurt she had been feeling for the three days before that. She took a few steps closer to him and said, “Look, I-I fucked up. I know that, and I get that you don’t wanna have anything to do with me. But hear me out, I got scared. I ran like a fucking pussy, and I’m sorry I hurt you. Even if you don’t see it, you deserve better than that…better than me…” she turned then walking out the gate and then stopping again, “Take care of yourself, Ig.”

She was pleasantly surprised when she returned home to find Ian standing in the kitchen with Mila, their shoulders brushing as she directed him. “Hey, what you guys up to?”

“Uh…she’s teaching me to make chicken kiev…” Ian answered beaming a smile, he looked up to see her slight glum look and he was suddenly concerned, “You okay?”

“Uh…sure. I just came to pick up some files, I have to head in to work, where’s Yev?”

“Debbie took him to the park with Franny.” He smiled returning his attention to his…kiev was it??

 

* * *

 

Mila had made herself comfortable in the three days that had passed by. Mickey was slowly getting to a place where he was comfortable but she was being the most understanding about it. One thing Mickey noticed though…was how well Ian took to her. Ian didn’t know if it was because he didn’t have his own mother around growing up, or if it was simply because Mila reminded him so much of the man he loved, but she captivated him. He had spent a lot of his teenage years with Mickey wondering how such a kind-hearted man could have been raised by the devil-resembling Terry. Mickey had a heart that was filled with so much love and yet so many people couldn’t see what Ian did. But now Ian got the answer to his question, Mickey got it from his mom. Whether she was there when he grew up or not, they were so similar. The way they were soft and gentle yet incredibly tough. Mila looked at him in a way he wished his own mother did, all while sticking to her harsh jokes and punchlines. He was bent over the kitchen counter as she instructed him in the recipe when he noticed her eyes on him. He looked up to see a soft smile on his face, “What?” he smiled back.

“You make him happy…and - and it’s nice to see.” She said walking over to the sink to place the dishes.

He chuckled a bit thinking of how happy he was whenever Mickey was happy. How if someone told him some weeks before that he could ever feel this happy, he’d tell them they were lying. “He makes me happy too…he’s been through a lot to get here…he deserves it.”

“We’ve talked…but we haven’t really talked if you understand what I mean. I can’t imagine what he had to go through. I’m happy he’s found someone who loves him.” she propped her hand unto the sink like she was trying to hold on for support. “What was he like…Mickey…growing up?”

She then turned letting her body fall against the counter and looking on at Ian as he stirred the pot. Ian’s mind went to Monica. Monica was given the opportunity to be part of her kids’ life and she chose not to be. Here was someone who was denied that and she was grasping on to any little memory anyone could share.

“Well, not much different than he is now…but yet so fucking different.” Ian stopped as he thought about the ways in which Mickey had grown over the years and how proud he was of the man. “He learned to love himself…he wasn’t always like that.”

“Yeah, well living with someone like Terry’s influence…you start to hate everything there is to hate about yourself.”

“Yeah,” Ian sighed turning off the stove and getting a dish from the cupboard. “For a long time he denied himself…he was scared. I pushed him…probably too hard at times but…” Ian always felt guilty for pushing Mickey…although he was happy Mickey accepted himself…Ian always worried if Mickey resented him for pushing. He always wondered if Mickey was ready.

“You stuck around…even after Terry found you?” she asked….Ian realised that this was her trying to piece together a broken story.

“Uh…I tried but it was too hard to see him marry her…so I left and I joined the army…” his voice trailed off as he remember the sadness he felt when he had left, followed by the mania.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to pry.” She said noticing he had gone into deep thought.

“No, no it’s okay…you’re easy to talk to.” He smiled emptying the food into the dish and then covered it and then took a seat at the kitchen counter. “I left and then came back and I wasn’t quite myself. Mickey found me and brought me home…he took care of me and I-I disappointed him.”

“You weren’t yourself?” she asked coming over to sit next to him.

“I’m bipolar…I get high highs and low lows on a constant loop.” She didn’t know what he meant but if it was one thing she could remember about her son when he was just a little boy, was that he was always so caring although he liked to play village badass he was a little softie.

“Mickey always had a kind heart…speaking of him…wouldn’t he be home shortly?” she asked.

“Yeah. He will” Ian said smiling at the thought of Mickey coming through the door. Something he knew he wanted to see for the rest of his life.

“Well, I better get out of your hair then.” She said picking up her stuff readying to settle in her one bedroom down the hall.

“You’re not staying for dinner?”

“Only if you want me to…”

“Please?” Ian smiled. She set her things down again and sat next to him enjoying the company of someone who didn’t look at her like she was a wounded, fragile egg.

 

* * *

 

Mickey got home with the soles of his feet aching and the small burn on his wrist aching. He had been in such a hurry putting food on the grill and taking it off that he hadn’t realised the slightest moment when his wrist touched the edge of the grill. Every so often he had to remind himself that this was part of him staying on the straight and narrow. He just couldn’t wait to get home and relax. When he opened the apartment door, the ambrosial scent of the cooked dinner infiltrated his nostrils begging his mouth to start watering. “What smells so good?” he asks as he kicked his shoes off and hung up his coat.

“We made dinner.” He heard Ian answer.

“We? Elaine’s food never smells that good” he laughed walking around to a full view of the kitchen to see his mother standing placing plates on a small dining table.

“Your mom and I…I meant…” Ian awkwardly corrected giving Mickey and eye that screamed _Go along please_.

“Oh uh…okay…let me just go see Yev” he walked his way to his and Ian’s bedroom to peel of his clothes and get a clean t-shirt. Yevgeny was laying in the middle of the bed sucking his tongue while he was engulfed in the puffy comforter. The sight of his son asleep and peaceful gave Mickey a warm feeling inside and he couldn’t ever imagine he once hated the thought of the child. At the sound of the drawer closing the little boy stirred from his sleep. Mickey not realising the boy had awoken turned to make his way to have dinner.

“Pa?” the soft, husky voice of the boy startled Mickey and he turned to see his son sitting up with puffy eyes.

“Hey bud, you don’t look so good.” Mickey walked over and sat at the edge of the bed where the brunette toddler crawled to him. Yev’s skin was radiating a slight heat and Mickey started thinking of all the things he didn’t know to do. What did you do when your kid had a temperature? He doesn’t even remember him having a temperature growing up. The toddler nestled in his father’s arms tucking his face into Mickey’s chest.

“Where’s Ma?” he asked on the verge of tears. This was the question Mickey feared. It’s the second time Yev asked it and this time there was so Elaine to help him answer. He was all on his own. And he could feel his palm grow sweaty as he tried to figure out a way to explain it.

“She’s … Yev, a man did a very bad thing to her…and she …” he remember when he was a few years older than his son that his father didn’t sugar coat it to him. He laid it on thick and harsh but Mickey also recalled that he never once asked where she had gone again. So familiar with the harsh word ‘dead’ after his father’s brazen threats to kill them all, he knew to never ask….that she wasn’t coming back “That man hurt her…and she isn’t around anymore….sh-she died, bud” he didn’t follow his father’s footsteps, instead he told his son the way he would have wanted to be told. But saying it out loud in this circumstance, made it feel so much more real and he felt like he was reliving the pain of the day his mother died. That heart-wrenching, gut-dropping feeling felt like it was returning and Mickey could feel his head feel light like he was about to faint until Yev spoke again. His son was silent and Mickey had thought he had fallen back asleep until he asked, “Will I see her again?”

Breathing in deeply he said, “When you get big, and grow old and die too…yes…you will see her again.” Mickey didn’t believe in God or an afterlife…but if it was one thing he picked up on when they lived together was that Svetlana did and this was his way of giving his son something that she would have wanted him to have…piece of her and her ways.

Mickey sat there rocking his fevered son to sleep, rubbing at his back and kissing at his head. Completely relishing in the moment of fatherhood. After Yev had fallen back asleep Mickey tucked him back into bed and went back out to find Ian and Mila sitting at the table waiting for him. “What took you so long?” Ian asked scooping out food onto a plate for Mila.

“Uh, Yev woke up…he has a bit of a temperature, man.” Mickey commented taking a seat opposite Ian and beside his mother.

“Yeah, I know I took him to the doctor as soon as I realised. It’s just a flu…they gave me kiddies Panadol.”

“You didn’t call me?”

“Well I didn’t want to worry you…and I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t…I meant what I said…about him being your kid too.” Ian then realised that when Mickey had said the words to him and nonchalantly changed the topic of conversation, thay the meaning of the phrase wasn’t lost on him, but like everything else Mickey rather not make a big deal out of it. Mickey smiled and then turned his attention to the woman who was eyeing him and his lover. “What’s for dinner?” he was trying, as awkward as all of this was for him he was trying his best. After feeling the sink in his chest before at the thought of her dying, he now had to remind himself that that was all a lie and that here she was trying all the same.

“Chicken Kiev…Ian learned how to make it.” she smiled.

“Where the fuck did we get this small ass dining table?” Mickey asked looking down at the round top table.

Laughing Ian gestured with his head to the box leaning on the wall behind Mickey, “Elaine clearly bought it but never thought to assemble it so…I decided to.”

“Where is she anyway? I didn’t see her this morning…”

“She had to work late I think.” Ian responded before they all started digging in to their dinner.

 

* * *

 

Elaine on the other hand, wasn’t at work. She was seated on an old log at the wharf staring out at the lake. A cigarette between her lips and smoke filling her lungs. Her heart rate elevated thumping within her cheeks as she ran there. The sweat beading on her temple and her breath ragged. She reached into her bag and pulled the pint of rum and cracked the seal. She drank it in big gulps and fast because she needed something, anything to numb the feeling she had. To numb the hurt and the pain that was swallowing her whole. She flicked her cigarette and then put it back to her lips. Breathing in.

She dropped her cigarette crushed it with her boot before slipping the bottle back into her bag and walking down the port clearing. She could see the neon lights of the nightclub glimmering. She swallowed hard and let her legs take her, let her female charisma get her in and she entered the haze. Purple and blue lights dancing off the walls while the air smelled like sweat, booze and sex? She walked through the flexing bodies as they moved to the rhythm of the music. She could feel her head spinning as she made her way to the bar. “Double of whiskey. Neat. Keep ‘em comin” She ordered leaning unto the bar top. The drinks came fast and she could feel herself slipping into the abyss ready to let it all fall free. But still the pain lingered. She felt it in her mind, in her bones, and in her flesh.

“What’s a girl like you doing out in the middle of the night?” She looked up to see someone…s blurry figure standing before her. The person stepped closer and she could almost recognise him. His familiar chiselled jaw with his blonde hair combed back.

“Elaine? It’s me…Jonah…your ex.”

Chuckling to herself she stood up downing the drink in front her, “You gonna take me back to your place or not?”

And with that she was gone, searching endlessly for a way to numb her pain. Floating. Completely spinning. Feeling utterly alone.


	16. The Small, Simple Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Vicky for helping me get out of my funk while working on this chapter, love you hun.
> 
>  
> 
> Elaine is starting to realise just how messy her life is becoming. Mickey takes a big step forward with his mom

It was the fourth night in a row she had woken up like this; a splitting headache and a naked stranger next to her. She could hear his soft snores as she watched his back rise and fall slowly. Careful not to shake the bed too much she slipped out from under the sheet and held onto the night stand when the room started spinning. She grabbed her clothes that was thrown around the room and almost fell over when she noticed the third naked body on the floor covered by the waist with a blanket. A thick blonde woman with tattoos stretching across the mass of the back.

She sighed a little too loudly as she made her way to the living area where she slipped on her clothes and then left through the front door. When she stepped out into the morning air she became aware that she wasn’t in her neighbourhood. This walk down to the L was nothing short of a walk of shame. She felt like all the passengers in the car could read her like a billboard. Like they knew the promiscuous deeds she’d been up to the night before. She felt dirty and used and like she was reeking of guilt and sex.

She pulled her coat tighter to her chest in some failed attempt to make herself seem smaller. She had let go herself in the days before trying so desperately to ease the pain inside. But it was all of no avail, in fact she could just feel the pain growing larger and she couldn’t help herself but feel nauseous with it. She let her body sway and vibrate with the rhythm of the car until she got to her stop. She sighed loudly, this was the fourth night she’d be returning like this, and she sure as fuck didn’t want Mickey or Ian meddling and asking about her meds. She made her turn until she knew where she was heading. Back to her childhood home.

It was a constant. Always there, standing still, the same way, never changing. She pushed the front door open finding Liam and his friend from his posh private school playing video games while pots and wares knocked in the kitchen. “Hey Liam” she said quietly, already overwhelmed by the loud television.

“Hey El,” he said glancing back toward her and then back to the television.

  
“HEY V! Did you get the bolt cutters I asked for?!?” she heard her elder sister yell from the kitchen. She followed the sound of the voice to find Fiona bent over looking into the oven as she pushed two trays in.

“Not V, and bolt cutters?” she answered setting her bag down on the counter.

Fiona looked up, “Well, hello strang- Holy Shit! You look like crap! What the hell happened?”

She poured herself a cup of coffee and then took a seat on the opposite side of the counter, “Uh…partied too hard?”

“That a question…or are you sure?”

She ignored Fiona’s question and grabbed a handful of nuts from the bowl on the table. “So…bolt cutters?”

Fiona laughed a bit, “Yeah, I evicted some asshole of a tenant, went back to find he dead bolt the bedrooms shut before he left the place.” The back door swung open loudly and Frank came bouncing in.

“I need power tools, do we have power tools Fiona?”

“The fuck you need power tools for?” Elaine asked her father. He then turned looking her into the eyes and stopped for a moment.

“Fuck, you look just like your mother. Weren’t you in the fucking army…or something?” he asked moving to look around the living area.

“I’ve been back for more than a month Frank.” She answered rolling her eyes. She played his remark off cool but she knew what he meant when he said she looked like Monica. He was referring to the spaced out high look with purple swollen bags around her eyes while her cheek bones looked hollow and she sported a few bruises on her cheek ones from when she drunkenly fell over at the club.

“The basement Frank!” Fiona yelled at him as he started to make a mess. He turned back to exit out the kitchen, “Watch me child, and watch how I shall prosper.” And with that he was out the door.

“The fuck’s he on?”

Fiona rolled her eyes while she started cutting chicken, “Some guy bet him four thousand dollars that he can’t build some piece of shit bookshelf. You know your father, he never walks away.”

Elaine grew quiet as Fiona continued cooking. Fiona glanced up at her ever so often to find her eyes unwavering from the spot on the floor she was staring at.

“You going to tell me what’s up…or do I have to pry it out of you?” Fiona asked dropping the meat into the pot.

“What?........no I’m fine. Just missed you guys.” She answered shaking her gaze from its previous point of interest.

“Come on Elaine, I know you better than you know yourself. I could tell when you’re annoyed your bottom lip pouts, when you’re guilty the vein on your forehead looks like it’s about to explode. Hell, I even know the face you make after you’ve taken a shit.” Fiona laughed.

Elaine rolled her eyes and let out a chuckle but she knew her sister was right, “I’m just…I’ve got a lot on my mind alright?”

“Is that why you go for runs at 1 am and party so hard on a Wednesday that your boss calls Ian to find out why you haven’t been in to work?”

“You talked to Ian?” she asked as she shoved more almonds into her mouth. She knew it would happen sooner or later. Ian was never able to keep his mouth shut.

“Yeah…he’s worried about you. And so is Mickey…and me…what’s going on? Is it the meds?”

That’s when she felt whatever emotions she had been burying deep inside her explode. “NO FIONA. NOT EVERY FUCKING THINGS I ABOUT MY MEDS! JESUS!” she grabbed her bag and made it out the door as fast as she could. She could hear Fiona calling behind her but she ignored it and ran. She ran as fast as she could sweating off all her pain and heartache.

 

* * *

 

That morning Ian and Mickey were enjoying their time together before Ian had to be at work hours later. Ian was kissing down the torso of his raven haired lover as he looked up into blue eyes. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss you tonight when I’m on the ambo” he said as he mouthed the skin next to Mickey’s nipple.

“I wish you didn’t have to work, I’ve only got like six hours to cover at the diner for Fiona and then I’ll be home to an empty fucking bed. Can’t you like call in sick or something?...fuck” Mickey asked with a moan.

“I already told you” kiss “that” kiss “I’m gonna be in deep shit when the time comes for me to take vacation.” He made it down to Mickey’s boxer covered boner and nuzzled his face against the outline.

“You gonna smell it or fucking do something, bitch?” Mickey laughed.

Ian hooked his fingers in the waist and of his lover’s boxers and yanked them down. He settled between Mickey’s lefts taking the shaft in his hands. He smiled devilishly at Mickey as he started stroking so fucking slowly. “You’ll have Yev home, you won’t be alone, babe. Maybe you can spend some time with your mom.” He then took the head of Mickey’s cock into his mouth, sucking gently at the tip.

“Fuck….why the fuck you talking about my mom right now?” Mickey huffed as he looked down into forest green eyes.

Ian removed the head from between his lips and flicked his tongue out at the leaking slit. “I’m just saying…maybe let her babysit Yev…get to know him a bit” Ian then kissed along the length of Mickey’s erection down to the bas and inhaled deeply. And then took Mickey into his mouth again just sucking at the head.

“That’s actually not a bad id-e-ahh…..you gonna go down? You driving me fucking crazy...I’m about to blow any minute man.”

Ian laughed at how worked up he had Mickey, he moved up Mickey’s body to kiss him slowly and then pulled back, “Glad you think it’s a good idea…plus it means when I get home the next day in the morning…I could fuck you hard and not give a shit about anyone hearing.”

“Your sister still lives hereeee” Mickey yelped as Ian wrapped his hand around his dick and started stroking it.

“She’s out every night. Don’t you want me to fuck you hard tomorrow morning Mickey? So you could scream loud like you like to?” Ian teased as he moved his lips to Mickey’s ear kissing and licking at the sensitive skin.

“I want you to fuck me now, Red. Quit teasing…Yev’s gonna be up any minute” with than Ian went back down and took Mickey fully into his mouth. He didn’t stop until he could feel Mickey’s cock hit that back of his throat. The moans of Mickey spurred him on as he reached his now lubed up finger to work Mickey open.

“Come on man! Now…I don’t have time for this shit.” Mickey argued reaching down to pull Ian up from under the arms. Ian quickly slipped his boxers off and then lined himself up.

“You wanna feel me, Mick? Give you it good?” Ian teased as he rubbed the head of his cock on Mickey’s hole.

“Jesus, Gallagher stick it in…I’m too fucking horny for this foreplay.” Mickey laughed then yelped slightly although he’d deny it when Ian pushed into him. The sex was always fucking fantastic with them, but Ian would be lying if he said it wasn’t different since Mickey got out of prison. Better if that was possible. Their bodies moved together like a familiar rhythm they both knew well. Mickey’s hands reaching up to scrape at Ian’s flexed back muscles. “Fuck, Ian…flip me over.” Mickey demanded like the bossy bottom he was.

Ian pulled out long enough for Mickey to lie on his stomach pulling his left leg up a little to open his cheeks. Ian lay on top of him and pushed back in. he built a pace that was hot and heavy but it still felt like they were making love.

“Fuck you feel so good, babe”

“Stop fucking calling me that, Gallagher.” Mickey’s voice was breathy and worked up. At Mickey’s protest Ian laughed but then suddenly noticed the change in his lover’s body. He knew Mickey’s bod better than he knew his own. At the feel of his cock being clenched by Mickey he quickened his pace as he kissed the back of Mickey’s neck.

“You ready? You gonna come?” Ian asked as he reached beneath them to hold Mickey’s cock pumping it in time with every thrust.

“Yeah…fuck Ian I’m gonna come.” Mickey could barely finish his sentence before he is spurting hot white streams beneath them unto the sheets that needed to be changed desperately. Ian followed close behind breathing hot against Mickey’s neck with a chain of fucks and I love you’s. Both men laid in each other’s arms for a while before they could catch their breaths. The sound of the front door opening and closing followed by Elaine’s bedroom door brought them back to reality. “I guess El’s finally back” Ian breathed as he turned to drape his arms around Mickey’s waist and kiss at the older man’s shoulder blades.

“What’s the time?”

“Seven I think,” Ian answered. They listened to each other’s breaths for a few seconds until Mickey said the same thing Ian was thinking.

“I’m worried about her. She’s out all night, she smells like booze all the time. She’s spiralling and I don’t know what the fuck we should do.”

Ian sighed, “I know. I’m worried too. We gave her enough space…I think it’s time we talked to her.”

“Yeah…we should…but leave her to sleep…she must be a mess after a long night.” Mickey answered.

* * *

 

Reluctantly both men peeled themselves away from each other to wake Yevgeny and then indulge in a day of laying and around and spending quality time together. Mila had stopped by in the morning to visit but was quickly hauled away by Darren, who had took on the responsibility of obtaining refugee status for her. Mickey enjoyed the small simple moments like the one unfolding in front him. Ian sat on the floor in sweatpants playing with tiny toy cars with Yev while the toddler would let out a belt of laughter ever so often. Ian noticed the small smile on Mickey’s face, “What?” he smiled back.

“Nothing…” Mickey said diverting his eyes towards the toddler.

“That definitely wasn’t a ‘nothing’ look…what’s on your mind?” Ian asked reaching his hand up to rub Mickey’s knee. Mickey who was slouched in the couch, sat up hunching over and leaning onto his knees.

“It’s just…you’re so much better at this stuff than me…” Mickey answered gesturing with his hand towards Yevgeny.

Ian realising what his lover meant, suddenly felt his stomach sink a little at the thought that Mickey didn’t think he was good with Yev. “You’re great with him…and he loves you.”

“That’s not what I mean…forget I said anything.” Mickey began shaking his head and the redhead could tell he felt ashamed.

“Hey…look at me Mick…” Ian reached out taking Mickey’s chin in his hand and pulling his face up to look at him, “I’ve just had more practice having to help raise Liam, Debbie and Carl…but no experience doesn’t make you any less than a good father. You’re a great dad, babe.”

Ian could tell by the lack of protest for the nickname that Mickey really wasn’t in the right head space, “You’ve had more practice with Yev…because you were there, you took care of him and I….” his voice trailed off but Ian knew all too well what he meant. Mickey felt guilty for being absent from his son’s life.

“Mickey, you did your best and things got shitty…but I don’t blame you and Yev won’t either…and I sure as hell know Svet didn’t.”

Scoffing Mickey answered, “Yeah right, she blamed me the most.”

“No actually, she always thought that if she pushed you that you’d want it more, to be there for him…but she understood. Trust me” Mickey leaned into Ian’s palm and then looked at their son… _their son_ …who seemed so perfectly content with rolling his green and yellow cars back and forth. “I’ve just missed so much you know? Wish I could go back and do it all over…the right way.”

“Well this is that…your do over.” Ian leaned in pressing his lips to Mickey’s. The soft knock on the door had him pulling away. Ian pushed off the ground and opened the door to find Mila standing there waiting patiently.

 

That night Mila took Yev to her apartment for the first time and to say Mickey was hyperventilating about it was an understatement but he knew it was a step he was willing to take. He knew he had to make some sort of grand gesture that would catapult him into making a relationship with her. And he wanted to, more than ever, but the years of hurt and disappointment conditioned Mickey to never wear his heart on his sleeve and to protect himself the best way possible. Ian always pushed Mickey…it was something that irritated Mickey at times but at others he was so grateful for it because he knew if the giant ginger didn’t push him he wouldn’t do a lot of things. So Ian pushed him a little to make this step with his mother…providing Ian literally had Mickey’s balls in his hand when he did the convincing, Mickey knew he could solely blame Ian if this all went south.

So being in complete dad mode didn’t help him from checking his phone ever ten minutes between flipping burger meat and changing out fries from the deep fryer. There were a few texts from Ian on the rig, about their rendezvous in bed planned for the next morning and one from his mother saying everything was fine.

He lit a cigarette as he turned unto his street walking slowly enjoying the clear sky. Yes, summer was Mickey’s favourite season but he sure as hell enjoyed spring more than he cared to admit. It was optimum temperature, not too and not too hot. Mickey couldn’t tell if it was because his son was spending the night with the mother he thought had died or something else but he couldn’t shake this on edge feeling he had. It was like he was just waiting to watch the world crumble around him. He had expected at any moment for the sky to rip open into a black hole and suck everything into it. He approached the apartment building and entered about twenty minutes after midnight…he knew for sure it will be too late to stop in to check in on Yev and find out if he’s doing okay. He slowly climbed the stairs feeling that tightening feeling in his muscles as they were sore from standing all day. He huffed air and breathlessly got to his floor. Smoking a cigarette before climbing stairs was definitely not a good idea.

When he got to the door way he started fumbling to find his keys as he could feel sleep creeping into his bones and relaxing his body. He was always so tired after night shifts like this. He yawned while he found the right key but as soon as he heard a floor board creek his head snapped up. He looked around the empty dark hall and saw nothing. He leaned over the railing to look down the flight of stairs and still nothing. Writing it off as just his tired mind he opened the door and moved to walk through. That’s when he felt it. A sharp point piercing through his neck. He yelped a little and then fell to the floor losing all control of his body. He tried his best to turn over but when he got to his back his entire visons blurred and all he could see was a figure looking over him before vanishing down the hall. He fought to say something and yell but all his best efforts resulted in a soft inaudible grunt. His entire body became numb and he his vison slowly darkened until he could no longer see. The last thing Mickey remembers is blackness and the sound of heavy footsteps coming his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment what you think happened to Mickey?


	17. Burying Him Before The Week is Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We welcome a new minor character in this late chapter named Clay. I hold him near and dear to my heart as I do the person he is based off, my dear friend Jay. Love you a million. thanks for everything and always being there for me
> 
> What happened to Mickey?  
> Will he survive?

She was standing outside of the Novocaine Nightclub, the music thumbing against the warehouse walls calling out to her. She took in a deep breath of her cigarette. And out. She knew coming here was just her way of chasing a high, some sort of way to forget the pain she carried of her shoulders. She dropped the butt the ground and crushed with her heel before she made her way straight pass the line and up to the bouncer. “Violet…I’m glad you see you back.” He called out.

“Hey Billy, let me in?” she asked with a smile and a bit of a flirt in her voice.

“Anything for my favourite dealer.” The large blonde guy chuckled lowly for only her to hear.

She reached her hand out and smacked it to his open palm passing over the small zip lock of white crystal, “It’s a good batch…my brother can testify that.” She smiled. It wasn’t something she did often…but it was definitely a Gallagher’s favourite way to get what they wanted or to buy their way out a bad situation. Sure the situation could have gotten a whole lot worse if cops had found the stash they hid in the Gallagher basement or the half pound she kept in her storage unit. But it was something they all (except Fiona) considered a gift. It was a week before she left for the army that Monica had come around and started mouthing off that she had a gift for them all. Then just like old styled Monica she vanished one morning and left a box on the counter with ten pounds of meth. They shared up a pound each and then hid the extra from Frank. While most of her siblings had sold out all theirs over the years, she kept hers and sold it slowly. Eager to use it to buy her way into clubs or simply when she needed some quick cash.

“Go on in, and uh…maybe I’ll see you later?” he winked his crystal blues at her that painfully reminded her of the man she loved.

“Sure, Bill.”

She pushed through the doors to the sea of sweaty, drunken bodies. This was it. The thing that spurred her on. If she could just focus on one thing in the crowd her entire mind could go blank from the shit storm in her head. She walked straight to the bar where she found her favourite bartender clad in his sequenced tank top and over the top eyeliner. “Clay, you know this isn’t Boy’s Town right? What’s with the whole get-up?”

“HEY! Yeah well its gay night, my favourite night!” he said pouring a shot and pushing it toward the guy at the end of the bar. What brings you around her on gay night, _Violet_?”

“One, I told you to stop calling me that and two, if I knew it was gay night I wouldn’t come around looking for a guy to take me home.”

“Isn’t _Violet_ the name you told Big Dick Bill to call you?” he teased sticking his tongue out.

“Can you blame me? The guy’s a stage 5 clinger…can’t have him knowing who I really am.” She shrugged.

“Why are you looking for a guy to take you home when you’ve got a perfect shaggy haired blonde on Zemansky Road waiting for you?” Clay chimed before turning his sliver haired self to take down a bottle of whiskey.

“He’s not waiting…he told me to fuck off…just not using those words.” Clay snapped around quickly at her response almost dropping the glass bottle.

“Did he? Fuck.” He then bent down leaning over the bar so he could come face to face, “Look at me, I’ve known you what? Eight years? I love you as a friend…and I missed you like hell when you were gone…I saw how he used to look at you, I’m 100% sure he missed you more than I did. Which is a fucking lot. He’s hurt.”

She looked down into her drink hoping to find some witty comment to hide her hurt but it was empty like her heart, “When did you get so smart?”

“When I stopped getting high and looking around for random guys to hook up with,” he answered before making his way down the bar to serve some customers. She turned allowing her back to lean unto the sticky bar top. She peered out at the mass of people swaying to the beat of the music but the only lyrics that kept bouncing around her mind were that of her father _“You look just like your mother.”_ It was almost like it was written in stone for a Gallagher to try their hardest to not be their parents all while slowly turning into that which they feared. She had seen it happen to her older brother Lip, who had slowly morphed into a better looking, younger version of Frank. It was only after that it was pointed out to him one too many times after he fucked his entire life up then he did the thing Frank was too afraid to do…get help. That was her turning point where she realized she couldn’t become another Monica, no matter how broken her heart was. She pushed her self of the reflecting counter and made her way to the exit. She focused on one thing, the door. And when she got out and started gunning down the pavement she could hear the distant call of the bouncer calling her by a name she wished she never heard again.

 

* * *

 

It couldn’t be more than twenty minutes after midnight when her feet came pattering toward their tall apartment building. She held her knees bending forward huffing her heavy breath. She just needed to get home and get under the shower and wash away a part of her that reeked of guilt and regret. She need a smoke first though, so she leaned on the light post outside the building and lit one up. She breathed in and out letting the nicotine seep into her bloodstream, calming her nerves. She was almost lost in the sound of her own breaths when the sound of the door flying open startled her. She turned around to see a black haired guy rushing out the building and walking briskly to the curb. She looked at him carefully drinking in his every detail and how out of place he looked. The guy didn’t seem to notice her standing there as he pulled out his phone and dialed, “Hey, the job’s done.” He listened to the other end, “Yes for fuck’s sake, Milkovich is a deadman. His redhead pole smoker will be burying him before the week’s over.” At the sound of that her heart dropped as did her cigarette. She became frozen as the guy jogged across the street, and got into the black panel van that pulled up and then drove away.

Then she was in overdrive she bolted pushing through the apartment building door and power climbing each step when she got to their floor and looked down the corridor she could see feet sticking out from the door way. Her heart started hammering on the inside of her ribs and she hadn’t realised she was holding her breath. She stepped closer and let out a cry when she saw it was Mickey lying there with a bleeding gash on his forehead. _Think straight_. She then went through all the steps of emergency care she learnt in basic. She knelt beside him and fished her cell phone out dialling 911. “911, what’s your emergency?”

“My friend…he’s unconscious, uh he’s bleeding from his head. Someone tried to kill him” Her hands felt his torso his legs and the she went to his head, when her hand moved down slightly to his neck she felt a small bump under the skin. “Ma’am can I have your address please?”

She rattled off the address while getting up and heading to the kitchen counter, she climbed on the stepping ladder and pulled the small black suitcase she kept there. Bringing it back to Mickey she unzipped it and grabbed the penlight. “He has a slow pulse, he has pinpoint pupils and his lips are purple. Tell them to hurry, I think he’s been drugged.” She inspected the back of his neck carefully and then did the thing she knew to do since she was a kid. This was something she had seen happen twice to Monica. She dug through her emergency kit and pulled out the Naloxone and filled a clean needle before injecting Mickey’s arm.

 

* * *

 

“Are you seriously telling me your kid wants a dress that’s one thousand dollars for prom?” Ian laughed as he sat down his with his bowl of Fruit Loops. As soon as his butt touched the seat the alarm sounded, “Ambulance 32, person unconscious, possible drug overdose. Former Army officer on the scene. 3321 S Hamlin Ave. Apartment building third floor”

They were already moving toward the ambulance when the address was finished being called. Ian paused then as Sue realised, “Isn’t that?”

“Yeah,” Ian said as he ran toward the driver’s seat.

He was speeding faster than he should have been but his mind was racing as fast as his tires were. “Ian! You need to slow down, we need to get there alive.”

“That’s my floor Sue. Army officer? That’s gotta be El.” Ian beeped the horn as he swerved slightly.

“Look, there are forty other tenants in that building, your sister could just be helping one of them. Slow the fuck down Ian!” Sue could tell the redhead was out of his mind at this point itching to get there as soon as possible. She picked up the receiver, “Dispatch?”

“Copy 32, what seems to be the problem?”

“We’re going to need another ambo…possible family relative of my partner.” She said looking into Ian’s tear filled eyes.

“Copy ambo 32. Ambo 44 has just been diverted from another location, they’re closer.” The dispatcher answered. Sue looked back at Ian as he sobbed while driving. “We’ll still go,”

They got there three minutes later to see Mickey being carried into the other ambulance on a gurney and Elaine following him out the building crying loudly. As soon as the ambulance was put into park Ian jumped out to meet his sister. His heart racing and the lump in his throat getting heavier. He rushed over to Mickey, “What the fuck happened?”

“I got home and heard some guy talking about ‘taking Milkovich out’ he got into a van and by the time I got upstairs his lips were already purple.” Elaine said before moving to sit at the back of the ambulance.

“Elaine! Why don’t you ride with me…let Ian go with Mickey? Is that okay Daniel?” she asked the EMT who was inflating and deflating a bag helping Mickey to breathe.

“Yeah, Come on Ian…we need to get him to Med quickly.” Ian jumped into the ambo and watched the back doors close and Sue look on at him with sad eyes. He looked at his sister who was evidently crying and then his eyes moved to Mickey who lay there almost lifeless. Ian reached behind him and pulled an alcohol wipe and started wiping at the gashing on his lover’s forehead cleaning the drying blood. He just needed something to focus on so he wouldn’t break down. Daniel, the olive skinned bald paramedic looked at Ian as he focused so intently on the small gash. He reached his hand out to Ian, “Hey… it’s clean. Look he’s stable okay? Your sister gave him Naloxone. Ian?”

Ian’s heart was breaking into pieces to see his Mickey so hurt and just not there. He looked so hard to find Mickey in the midst of all the chaos but he just seemed like a shell of a person lying there motionless.

In that moment Ian realised just how ruined he was. He couldn’t imagine life without Mickey ever again. The memory of the four years without him felt like a nightmare he couldn’t bear the thought of. It was the first time since Mickey had showed up on his door steps after reading that letter than Ian felt like he was spinning. All his surroundings became a detached blur, muffled and confusing. When they got to the hospital Ian walked with the gurney, his body busy and bustling forward while his mind stayed still locked on the image of Mickey quiet and unconscious. The nurses all rushed and took him into the trauma centre where Ian was forced to stand outside while they closed the door and did their work. Ian was in that moment when something bad has just happened and your stomach sinks and your heart races until it feels like its crawling up your throat and you start to ask yourself all the irrational questions. Like; would this have happened if I took the day off? Why does these things always happen to me? Is this my fault? Then he started to blame himself. Shouting in his head that he should have taken the day off when Mickey asked because he would have been home when this happened. What if Yevgeny was home when it did happen? _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ The redhead was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he could barely hear his sister making phone calls to Mila, Mandy, and Fiona.

While waiting for the doctors to work on Mickey, police were contacted and Elaine was questioned and asked to make her official statement all while being distraught over the night’s events. Fiona had arrived within twenty minutes of Elaine’s phone call and she was sat there lending her best support to Ian. Ian had heard everything Elaine had said but his mind was racing so quickly he could hardly make any sense of it. _The job’s done. Milkovich is a dead man. His redhead pole smoker will be burying him before the week’s over._ Who the hell would want to hurt Mickey? His heart never stopped pounding and he couldn’t make sense of anything going on around him. His tears kept flowing as he just longed to hear the word that Mickey was okay.

It had been about two hours after arriving at the hospital that Ian saw the doctor emerge from the trauma centre. Ian was standing leaning against the wall while Elaine sat in one of those uncomfortable chairs with her face in her hands. When he saw the doctor make his way over he leaned off the wall and tapped his twin’s shoulder. “Family of Mr Milkovich?” the doctor asked. All Ian could do was nod as he gnawed at his lip.

“Okay well your…”

“Boyfriend” he croaked.

“Your boyfriend came in with an apparent drug overdose, from where the needle mark is, it clearly was not self-inflicted, which I think you spoke to the police about?” he asked looking between the siblings who just nodded again. “It’s from a mixture of different opioids which is why the effects are so extensive. Well he is stable for now, he isn’t quite in the clear yet. He’s being transferred to the ICU. His heart stopped when we started giving him medication to counteract the effects of the drugs…his body seemed to react badly to it. So far he hasn’t woken up. Your administering of a naloxone save his life. But we will still have to wait and see what happens from here.

“What does that mean?” Fiona asked from the side-lines.

“Mr Milkovich heart stopped for more than fifteen minutes. So far there is no way to tell the damages to his brain from a lack of oxygen…There’s also no way of knowing when or if he’ll wake up.”

“What the hell are you saying?” Ian asked his voice growing stronger and harsher.

“I’m saying your boyfriend is in a coma…and there’s no way of knowing if he’ll wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Mickey will wake up soon?


	18. His Slumbering Lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited for you guys to read these last few chapters. thank you for all the support so far. i really appreciate it.

He looked more peaceful than he had ever looked before in his life. His plump lips had returned to its natural hue of pink and the gash on his forehead had been sewn shut and taped together. The room was quiet except for the subtle beeping of the heart monitor. Ian had been sitting in the visitor’s chair with his entire torso leaning unto Mickey. His arms around his slumbering lover. Elaine walked in with two cups of coffee. The sound of her closing the door waking Ian. “Sorry I woke you…” she said handing him the cup of steaming caffeine.

“No…it’s alright. How’s Yev?” he asked.

“Mila said he’s okay. He woke up asking for you but went back to sleep shortly after.” She then looked over at Mickey, his chest rising slowly only to fall again. “Ian, you should go home…get some rest. Fiona and I can stay. Plus Mandy said she’ll be here in a while.”

Ian stubbornly shook his head. “I’m not leaving him El, never again.”

“You have to take care of yourself…if not for you or Mickey do it for Yev.”

Ian was now letting the sleepless night and 12 hour shift he had to get the better of him as he scoffed towards his sister and harshly bit back, “Like you’ve been taking care of yourself? Go out for 1 am runs and then come back smelling like a fucking distillery? Nah…I’d rather not take advice from a wreck like you.” As soon as the words had left his mouth he regretted them. Elaine looked down at her feet as she leaned onto the window sill. She sipped her coffee then rubbed the stray tear that rolled down her cheek.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said-”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t give anyone advice…I _am_ a wreck.”

“Well, it’s only proof that you’re a Gallagher…What’s going on?” He asked softly. She looked over to him and then at Mickey. “Come on, he’s asleep and I’d really like to talk about something to distract me.”

After deep pondering she decided that it had been far too long kept locked in her mind, “It’s Iggy…he basically screamed to my face that he doesn’t love me back…I don’t know. Its dumb right? That I’m still strung over him and it’s been fucking four years?”

“No, it’s not dumb… look at me. I stayed hung up on one person for four years.”

“Yeah but that’s different. You-your’re _Mickey and Ian._ ”

Ian smiled a little at the thought of _‘Mickey and Ian’_ , oh how he wished one day to see that on a wedding invitation. “Yeah…but I know Iggy. He’s a Milkovich…when have you ever known them to be forthcoming with their emotions? Took Mickey years to get there…Iggy is just back in his cocoon because he’s hurt.”

“He was ready…” she said softly.

“Ready for what?”

“He was ready to settle down…have it all…and with me of all people. I heard and I ran. Fuck, why did I have to be like fucking Monica…a running wreck?”

“Who’d you rather be? A fun loving running wreck or a stick-up-your-ass-prissy North Sider like Clayton?” Ian mentioned their real father’s name with a certain kind of bitter in it.

“I guess you’re right.”

“Yeah…I am. She’s the lesser of two evils…at least she saw no shame in actually claiming us as her kids.”

They grew silent while Ian’s fingers traced Mickey’s jaw and then over his soft lips. “What should I do?” she asked into the silence.

“Do what I did….put yourself together for him. You’ve let go and wrecked yourself enough already…now it’s time to fix yourself.” He said without raising his eyes from Mickey’s face.

 

* * *

 

It had been a week of waiting around for Mickey to wake up when Yev had finally had it with not seeing his father who he evidently grew attached too. Being swapped among Ian, Mila and Elaine he had gotten so frustrated he cried the entirety of that Sunday night and wouldn’t stop even after Ian had promised to take him the next day. Ian was drowning in his own frustration of missing Mickey and the never ending worry that he’d never wake up.

It was a Monday morning when Mila got Yev ready and she and Ian took him to the hospital. Ian didn’t know how he was to explain it all to Yev but he knew he had to. So when they got there Ian took Yev in and almost had tears in his eyes when the little boy immediately started reaching out for his father. Ian placed him onto the bed and he crawled up and into the space between Mickey’s arm and his torso. He lay his tiny head on Mickey’s chest. “Wake up, Pa” he sobbed softly. Ian then realised that no matter how small Yevgeny was that he didn’t have to explain it all to him. Somehow the little child knew. Whether it be because he heard Ian crying at night calling out to Mickey or because he heard his aunt ask when Mickey would wake up but he knew.

Soon after the doctor came in and asked to see Ian alone. “Yes, can I help you?” Ian asked as soon as he was out the room.

The doctor pointed to a muscular black police officer who was standing beside him, “This is Officer Jacobs…he wanted to meet you.” Although he stood in confusion Ian reached his hand out to shake the officer’s.

“Hi, I was the officer who arrested Henry Clyde…the guy who…”

“Killed Yev’s mother?” Ian finished for him.

“Yes…I know how shitty of public service is and I was just wondering if you heard anything back on Mr Milkovich’s case.”

“No I haven’t I’ve been calling uh…Agent Bradford…but I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”

“Ah...Bradford took vacation this week, all his cases got shared up…I think Mickey’s case ended up with Agent Davis…I can find out everything I can and call you when I do. How is he?”

“Thank you. I would appreciate that so much. He’s the same…no change” Ian eagerly responded. The officer then took Ian’s phone number and then turned on his way. “Hey! Wait…how did you know where to find us or…that he was here?”

“My wife…she was in an accident recently…pregnant and ended up in a coma…you’re the EMT who saved her…she came out of her coma a couple days ago and she just gave birth to my son.”

“Wow…I didn’t know…I’m glad she’s okay now and uh…congratulations.”

“It’s because of you.” The officer answered before disappearing down the hall.

While Ian was outside talking to the officer, Mila was in the room pouring her heart out to her son. She had no clue if he could hear her but she sat beside him rubbing his cheek and sobbing.

“I love you, I always have and I always will. I’m so sorry I wasn’t around. I should have taken you and your siblings and ran the first chance I got. I’m so sorry my baby boy. Come back to me…please I just got you back…”

 

* * *

 

4:33 pm, Elaine stood against the hospital building smoking a cigarette and looking out into the street. She was trying to put herself together since the last time she and Ian had spoken about things. She had stopped going out late at night, she tried to never miss dosage of her meds and she tried with all her heart not to go to the Milkovich house again. And she felt like she was getting some kind of headway, but with typical Gallagher’s luck, the universe was shitting on her again. “Hey,” she looked up to find Iggy standing outside the hospital looking so fucking perfect in her eyesight. He’d cleaned himself up wearing a tan coloured t-shirt and a navy blue hoodie. His light washed ripped jeans resting just right against his long legs. She looked away once she noticed she was staring. “Hey” she answered and then breathed in her grit.

“Haven’t seen you around.” He said as he fished out his own cigarette and lit it.

“Haven’t had much time…between here, work and helping Ian with Yev…I don’t got time” she said coldly.

They smoked in silence allowing for the bustling of the street to intoxicate them. She had all plans of going upstairs to meet Ian but if Iggy was going up she knew it was best if she stayed right where she was.

“I was wondering …If we could talk…like go out sometime” he said “…as friends.” Iggy quickly added.

She scoffed a little as the sound of his voice brought the memory of him screaming at her in the streets back to haunt her, “I’m done Iggy…I need to move on. You’ve made it pretty clear you stand…I don’t want ‘just friends’ …not with you. And it seems all we can do is fight, I’m tired fighting.” She said outing her cigarette on the building wall. And then walking away to the nearby coffee cart. When she reached a few steps away she turned back to him, “Your mom’s up there so I don’t know if you’d wanna go up.” And with that she walked off not allowing herself to glance back, because she knew if she did she’d turn around and run straight into his arms and she knew she needed to move on.

* * *

 

_The entire room was a blinding bright white when Mickey woke up. When he eyes adjusted he lifted himself to peer around the room drinking in all the details. Despite all the white and clean surfaces the place still held a familiar tone to it. He looked around again coming to the realisation that he was in their apartment. He brought his hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes as he brought his feet down to the floor. He pushed himself up and noticed he was sleeping on their couch with a soft white blanket draped over his bare chest and boxer clad hips. Looking down he noticed even his fucking boxers were white…the fuck? He walked around the couch and could hear a soft murmur coming from his and Ian’s bedroom. He padded across the white floorboards and pushed at the door softly to find Ian sitting on their bed in long white pants and a white t-shirt cooing at a small baby whose diaper he was changing._

_“You gonna stand there and watch us or are you going to join us, handsome?” Ian asked without looking up. Mickey shifted his weight on his feet as he almost felt like Ian wasn’t talking to him. Ian looked up beaming his wide grin, “Come here.” Mickey then felt his feet moving beneath him taking him to where Ian lay on the white king sized mattress adorned with white bed posts. “Come here, husband,” Ian said again. At the sound of the name Mickey felt his legs tense beneath him and he was stopping. Ian looked him laughing a little, “You still get tense when I  call you that….you gotta get used to it because I love saying it.” he then looked down at the baby and cooed, “Don’t I Yev…yes I do…yes I do.” Mickey walked over climbing unto the bed and moving himself so he could wrap his arms around Ian’s wait. He rest his head on Ian’s shoulder looking down at Yevgeny who couldn’t be more than 2 weeks old. Mickey knew then he was dreaming, because in reality his son was five years old and able to talk. Ian turned his head kissing Mickey’s nose and then his lips. His soft lips radiating a heat against Mickey that he wished he could envelope himself in for the rest of eternity._

_“Do you want me to teach you how to swaddle him?” Ian asked._

_“Yeah.” Mickey spoke his voice raspy but gentle._

_After showing him how to swaddle Mickey tried it himself and was super fucking impressed with how it turned out. Ian then scooped the baby up in his arms and leaned back against Mickey’s chest. The raven haired man couldn’t help himself but smile at having the two people he loved the most in his life right there in his arms._

_“You’re going to leave us soon.” Ian whispered as he looked at the sleeping child._

_“What? I’m not going anywhere Ian.”_

_“You have to go back Mickey. This isn’t real…Yev needs you…he’s going to be starting school soon. I need you, I can’t live without you. Elaine needs you…she’s having a really hard time. Go…we’ll be okay. Go back to us. Once we have you, we’re okay” Dream-Ian spoke._

_“I don’t want to leave this…it’s all so perfect.”_

_“You can have this there Mickey. Go home. Wake up”_

 

“Please Wake up,” the gentle sound of Ian’s plea was the first sound Mickey could hear before he even opened his eyes. He could feel the gentle warmth of Ian’s skin against his left side and small hands against his right cheek. “Wake up, Pa” a soft child’s voice spoke. Mickey’s eyes flutter open and then close again. They’re heavy and his eyes burn but he tries again. On his second try he’s successful. When his eyes open he sees Ian’s face mere inches from his own with his forest green eyes swollen and tear filled. “Mickey? Mickey? Oh my God he’s awake.”

“Hey,” Mickey croaked from his dry throat.

“Hi,” Ian whispered back before he is pressing his lips against Mickey’s. Indulging in his scent and the sight of Ian Mickey couldn’t help the smile that stretched unto his lips. “Holy shit, you’re back” Ian celebrated between kisses.

“I’m back” Mickey whispered turning his head to the toddler pressed to his side cheering _Pa_. he pressed a kiss to the little boy’s temple. And then smiled, “I’m back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who do you think tried to drug Mickey?


	19. Sickness, Health, All That Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second to last chapter and i'm honestly feeling quite emotional posting it lol....i do hope you all love the direction this chapter will lead out final chapter into. 
> 
> we get to hear details of the case, who hurt Mickey and we also get to find out who still has Mickey's best interest at heart

That night the loud banging on door startled Ian and Elaine from their task of making dinner. Ian immediately grabbed the knife off the kitchen counter while Elaine took up the bat that leaned against the door frame. They both looked at each other for some sort of reassurance before moving closer to the door. Growing up in the Gallagher house there wasn’t room to be paranoid when you heard loud barges into the house at night, as Frank and Monica would bring the party home on the rare occasion or Fiona would have the nightly hoorah with the neighbours. But after what had happened to Mickey they were on their toes for the slightest sounds. Elaine pulled her right arm back ready to swing as Ian yanked the door open to find a startled Officer Jacobs with his hands held high in surrender, “Wow, wow, wow” he exclaimed. The twins retreated in defeat as they lay down their weapons breathing heavily trying to slow their heart rates.

“Fuck…you bang on every innocent civilian’s door like that? I’ve got a sleeping kid, man.” Ian asked as he walked over to the kitchen, gesturing with his head for the cop to come in. Elaine followed behind going to the fridge to get a bottled water for Jacobs.

“Sorry man…I spent all day banging on doors for outstanding warrants it just got the best of me…sorry to stop by so late but I came as soon as I got the news.”

“News? This better be fucking good for you to nearly give me a heart attack.” Ian answered. “Oh uh…this is my sister Elaine…Elaine this is Jacobs, the cop I told you about.”

Elaine smiled easily as she handed over the water. “Don’t mind him…he’s stressing over Mickey coming home tomorrow. So they got the guy or not?” she asked.

Jacobs fished through the brown envelope he carried as he asked Elaine, “You said you saw him right?”

“Yeah…black hair, skinny dude, lots of ear piercings and uh…a creepy snake tattoo on his neck.” Just then the officer flipped an image onto the counter. It slid landing in front the twins warranting a startled expression from Elaine. “That’s him!”

“So you caught him then? Arrested him?” Ian asked as he reached forward picking up the picture and investigating every detail he could about the assailant.

“Well sort of.” Jacobs answered. Ian’s head snapped up as he inquired rudely, “What the fuck does that mean?”

“Well Fire Department got called out to the Silos about a structural fire. When they got there it was just a car in flames and this guy’s body a couple feet away.”

“He alive?” Elaine asked.

“The four bullets in his chest says no…looked like he got shot through the windscreen and crawled out and bled out at first…”

Ian sighed a deep _fuck_ as he rubbed his freckled hand down his face. “There’s more.” Jacobs said as he handed over a sheet of paper to Elaine and she quickly perused it, “Tox screen report?” she asked.

“Yeah…whoever shot this guy made him suffer. M.E says he was injected with his own drug that he used on Mickey mere moments before he died…meaning whoever wanted to kill him, wanted him to know why he was dying.”

“Fuck…” the twins responded in unison.

“They caught a guy though…Perez Hernandez…his prints were all over the scene and the gun matches ballistics for another crime he was suspected of committing.” At the sound of the name Elaine’s heart resumed hammering violently against her chest.

Ian pulled a stool by then to steady himself as he drank in all the information. “So the guy who tried to kill Mickey is dead…what about who he was working for?” Ian asked.

Jacobs then pulled out five other images laying them onto the counter. Each of them pictured a man in his early to late twenties all with black hair and a particular snake tattoo on their necks. “Turns out they were all killed at the same time…all involving guns linked to the Hernandez family. It’s almost like the Hernandez family did it to get caught….so everyone will know what they did because they all went into hiding except for Perez.”

“Why all of a sudden the Mexican gang who settled in Chicago for more than ten years now will just get up and leave?” Elaine asked trying to make sense of it all.

“Look, the department is filing it as gang violence…I just thought you’d wanna know that the guy is dead and that his brothers are also dead…and so is his father….no one is coming after your family again. The Clydes’ reign is over.”

“I’m sorry did you just day Clyde?” Ian asked.

“Yeah…I thought you figured out who it was by the tattoos, these are all Henry Clyde’s sons…providing Clyde isn’t their real family name but that’s who we know them as.”

“Holy shit!” Elaine said taking a seat beside her brother.

 “Look, I know what you’re worrying about…that Terry’s involvement with the Clydes will come back to bite Mickey in the ass…that’s not gonna happen CPD has been trying to get rid of both families for a while now. Just like that they’re gone… they’re sweeping it under the rug. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” Jacobs said rubbing at Ian’s shoulder. “Look my wife’s gonna have my ass if I don’t get back in time to help her with the kid. I’ll check in when Mickey gets out.” And with that he left the apartment leaving the pair of redheaded twins wearing the exact same expression. Ian rose from the stool and moved over to sit on the couch letting his body sink into the softness of the cushions.

“What the fuck did he just say?” Ian asked as Elaine joined him on the couch.

“That kid…Perez… that’s Damon’s brother.” She said slowly.

“Damon…as in Mickey’s cellmate?” Ian asked confuffled.

“Yeah…I recognised the name from when I looked into the family.” She answered softly.

“So you think they did this for Mickey? Why? Mickey’s out here and he’s in there…now Perez in there too.”

“Perez is sixteen…they might not try him as an adult…he could get out.” Ian seemed to think about him carefully but couldn’t seem to make sense of it. “You’re telling me Damon gets his family to take out another family just for Mickey?  I don’t think he’d do that.”

“Why not? He killed Terry…” she blurted finding it necessary for her to defend Damon’s name. Ian halted turning to his sister with questioning eyes.

“How do you know that, Elaine?” he asked.

She stayed silent looking out the window and pulling her legs up to her chest. She pondered a while before he answered cautiously, “Because I’m the one who told him to.”

Ian scoffed a little and it took her by surprise. When she turned to face him he had a small smile on his lips, “You know Mickey mentioned that he think you did it…but I doubted him…but you know what I told him?”

“No what?”

“If you did do it….that’s pretty fucking badass.” She hadn’t expected him to say that as her brother was always the self-righteous one of the two. “Look, you’re gonna feel guilt ‘cause that’s just who you are but just know…none of us blame you.”

“I still don’t get why Clyde’s son would try to kill Mickey.” Ian said then rubbing his eyes out of frustration.

“To finish Terry’s job…Terry wanted to destroy Mickey right? Who’s to say he’d never want him dead….after all, he did scream in front the entire bar that night that he’d kill him.” Elaine said bringing the memories of that night back to Ian. Though it was a heavy night when Mickey came out, it was still one of his tops nights spent with the raven haired man.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Elaine announced at the sight of Lip, when she entered the Gallagher kitchen carrying a box of donuts. “Where’s Liam?…I brought him donuts.”

“Uh…he slept over at one of those rich kids’ house last night, probably off to school by now. Lip said grabbing box and shoving the mini donuts into his mouth. Elaine watched him as she took a seat at the dining table with a cup of coffee she bought. “Wow, slow down there, tiger. Don’t you gotta be some extra kind of fit to be working down at that garage?”

“Fuck no, you see the tubs on half those guys? All I need to be active enough to do is turn screws and change brake fluid,” he laughed around the donut. He picked up the box off the counter bringing it to the table to sit. “I’m surprised to see you out and around this time of day….last thing I heard was that you didn’t see sunlight anymore unless it was the next morning when you did the walk of shame.” He joked as he swallowed and then brought his cigarettes to his lips.

“Fi tell you about that?”

“No…Ian did…where is he?”

“Trying to clean the apartment in time for Mickey to come home tonight…you know how he gets.”

He nodded in between chewing, swallowing and then smoking.

“So what’s up with you?”

“I’ve just been in a bad place…Iggy trouble…How’s things with you?” she glanced then at the filled ashtray, “Long night?”

“Talk about long fucking week. It’s days like this when I really need a fucking drink.”

“Girl trouble? What you hook back up with Mandy?” She joked.

His eyes darted up then, “Wait Mandy’s in town? Shit does no one tell me anything anymore?”

“Yeah she’s back but I haven’t seen much of her. She refuses to come around since her mom is back.”

“Can you fucking blame her?”

“No…but I’m not letting you change the topic…what’s wrong?”

He outed his tiny cigarette then and pulled out a new one, he handed it over to her and brought the lighter up to ignite it. “It’s fucking…Sierra…since Mickey’s been in hospital she came back to help Fiona in the diner and …I don’t know its fucking with my head. Fucking relationships…never was good at it ever…why do I keep trying.”

“The garage gets you enough cash to get through the month?” she blew out the smoke passing the grit to her brother.

“Barely. Why? You suggesting I leave the diner? Can’t, Fiona will have my ass.”

She breathed in a deep breath, “Well If it’s any consolation…I’m just as fucked with relationships. I run away for four years because I hear he wants to commit, then I come back hoping he’d love me back and then he tells me he doesn’t love me but still I’m hoping he’d change his mind…he does and asks to hang out…I shut him down.”

“Fuck…Gallaghers…we’re a special kind of fucked up.”

“Yeah I mean genes fucked us over…you, me and Ian…but at which point do we figure out what’s the genes and what’s really us?”

“Fuck if I know? I’m still trying to figure it out…Fiona…she’s got life by the balls…she knows what she’s doing…the rest of us we’re just floating around aimlessly.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Home sweet home” Ian announced as he opened the door with his other hand that was not wrapped around Mickey’s waist giving him support.

“That was so fucking gay.” Mickey laughed as he watched up at Ian’s big grin.

“Last time I check…you love that I’m that gay.” Ian said helping Mickey cross the threshold.

“I really do,” he smiled reaching his chin up to he could touch his lips to Ian’s. Indulging in the softness of his lips and breathing in his scent. When the smell filled his nose he knew it wasn’t only Ian he was smelling. “Fuck…what smells so good?”

“Yev made you pizza.” Ian laughed as he helped Mickey moved further into the apartment. At the sight of his father Yevgeny slid off his stool almost toppling face first onto the floor before he ran to his father. “Pa!!” Mickey couldn’t bend entirely to meet him but he tried his best with the speed the toddler bolted toward him with. Yev squeezed tightly making Mickey wince a little.

“Yev, what did I tell you buddy?” Ian asked.

“That Pa might still be sore from his fall…Sorry Dad.” He said directed to Ian then he turned to Mickey, “Sorry Pa,” he hugged Mickey’s leg gently and then ran off to his pizza. Mickey however was still hung up on what his son had just called Ian. He swallowed then proceeded, “Did he just call you…dad?”

Ian, from the time he had heard Yev call him that, thought of how Mickey would react. He had conjured up about twenty different responses yet he still wasn’t ready, “Uh yeah…he started like two days ago. I couldn’t find it in me to tell him to stop but if you want him to stop we can tell him together.” Ian rambled.

“Gallagher..stop…stop…it’s perfect.” He smiled before pecking his redhead’s lips.

“Yeah?” Ian asked with a laugh in his voice.

“Yeah it is…dad.” Mickey joked sliding his hand a little lower to pinch at Ian’s ass cheek.

Ian chuckled lowly, “No, no, no we’re not delving into that kink.”

“We’re not?” Mickey furrowed his brows jokingly as he found himself amused with Ian’s resistance.

“No,” Ian said finally before Mila stepped around the wall emerging with tear filled eyes and a tightened smile on her lips. Ian patted Mickey’s ass gently telling him to move forward. Mickey wobbled a little until he met his mother’s outstretched arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist squeezing him with her warmth and maternal love. Mickey surprised himself when he let his body relax into her embrace and he found his arms wrapping around her tiny frail body. He put his chin on her shoulder and let himself enjoy the small moment that was his mother’s love. The moment he had wished for most of his life to have. “My baby boy…I’m so glad you’re okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

The night Mickey came out the hospital was unlike any other he had ever experienced in his life. It was so family oriented that he had found himself feeling out of his element more than anything. Mila had cooked dinner and Mickey had seen his two siblings, who prior to this, was so afraid of meeting their mother, come into his home to eat a meal with her and actually enjoy her company. Mandy had seemed to put the “I don’t have time for this shit” all in the past for the sake of her brother. It was a fresh new reality for Mickey that he could honestly see himself getting used to.

The one thing that was off to him was how much in one week Yevgeny had changed. He now called Ian dad, he seemed to have fallen head over heels in love with Mila and he had even looked slightly taller. It was then that Mickey realised how much he felt like he missed in that short week, moreover how much he had missed in the first five years of Yevgeny’s life. Mickey had then found himself yearning to start over or to be granted a do over button just to be able to be there for it all. To see his son’s first steps and to hold his tiny fingers while he took said steps. Mickey was quite satisfied with the life he had now. A happy, balanced Ian, a son who was like the whole fucking world to him and a safe home. But still he found himself wanting more. Which he now felt guilty for wanting. Here he was with the first sign of happiness and luck in the world yet he was getting greedy and wanting more.

He was now lying in bed in nothing but his boxers while Ian moved around the bedroom in complete “mother-mode” fluffing the pillow beneath Mickey’s ankle and the one behind his head. He moved downward to fluff the one beneath Mickey’s ankle for the third time when Mickey blurted, “You fluff that pillow one more time and I swear to God it’ll fucking burst then there’ll be feathers and shit all over the room.”

Ian stepped back pursing his lips, “Sorry, I just wanna make sure you’re comfortable.”

Mickey reached up his hand pulling at Ian’s arm for him to come down. Ian manoeuvred himself so he was lying beside Mickey with half his body on his lover.

“I am comfortable...because you’re here.”

Ian furrowed his brows, “How’s the ankle?”

“Hurts like a motherfucker....but it’s not your fault I fucked it up when I fell...so stop worrying.”

“I’ll never stop worrying about you” Ian said bring his forehead to rest against Mickey’s. They breathed in each other’s scents. “Fucking kiss me.” Mickey breathed already worked up from the slight contact of Ian’s hips on his.

“No...That’ll just lead to fucking.”

“What else do you think I want it to lead to?” Mickey laughed.

Ian giggled in response before he brought his lips down giving Mickey a chaste soft kiss then pulling back.

“The fuck was that? Gimme tongue bitch.” He bit with no venom.

Ian laughed in response, “You’re a greedy motherfucker.” He said before he kissed his man again parting his lips so Mickey could enter his mouth. “I fucking love you” Mickey said as he retreated slightly. “Fuck me”

“No, babe. You’re injured.” Ian answered pecking his man’s lips

“You’ll take care of me...it’s been a fucking week...come on.”

Ian laughed again then brought his lips back to Mickey’s more hungrily and passionate than before. Their tongues danced together as Ian’s hands roamed Mickey’s body. Sliding his fingers beneath the waistband of Mickey’s boxers, he pulled them off followed by his own. He moved quickly to open him up with lubed fingers, because as much as he was concerned for Mickey’s injury and fatigue he was just as horny as the raven haired man.

“Fuck Ian...I’m ready babe” the nickname was blurted out so quickly Ian knew Mickey hardly thought about it but it spurred Ian on as he raised his head from the crook of Mickey’s neck to look deep within his lover’s ocean blue eyes.

Ian hoisted up Mickey’s legs and wrapped them around his waist as he lined himself up with Mickey. His hand came up to caress Mickey’s face and then run his thumb on his lovers perfect plump pink lips. He thumbed the bottom lip down a little parting Mickey’s lips while he locked gaze with the man. Mickey took him by surprise when he parted his teeth to take Ian’s thumb into his mouth biting down a little as Ian pushed into him. He moaned loudly around Ian’s thumb and it only made Ian impossibly harder. “I love you Mickey” Ian whispered as he built up his pace and bent his face to bring his lips to Mickey’s neck, biting on it and then flicking his tongue over the mark. “I love you too...more ...than...you know” Mickey responded around each moan. He raised his hand to intertwine his fingers in Ian’s red locks as he could feel the powerful energy that was building between them. He tugged a little and Ian new Mickey needed his lips. When their mouths met it was hot with passion, hunger and love all in one. Ian increased his pace angling himself to hit Mickey’s prostate in long slow jabs. Mickey was a mess beneath himself as he tightened around Ian’s shaft. Ian knew Mickey was about come undone. “I love you Mickey.” He announced again. It was Mickey’s response that had Ian exploding inside the shorter man while Mickey spurred hot white streams between them. It was his hot breathy moaning statement...not question but statement “Marry me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't wait for you to read the final installment!


	20. I Will Never Not Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe it's the end already. I started this as just my way of coping with the loss of Gallavich and after months of it just sitting in my documents and much encourgement from friends I decided to post it. so there i went posting it not thinking much people would read it and come to appreciate it the way I do. But I'm so glad i was wrong, thank you all for letting me come into your homes with this story and for letting me appease the Gallavich lover inside you. Thank you for your continued support and love and encouragement. Special thank you to my friends (my gc) thank you thank you thank you...i love you so much. Special thanks to Michelle, Jay, Shannon, Sarah, Vicky, Ally and Lola for loving this so passionately and for assisting when i got stuck or needed advice or just needed some cheering on. i love you all so much. Sorry this is so long but i just needed to say those things because posting this ff was a HUGE deal to me.

The sound of the organ being practiced travelled through the hall as Ian stood in front the full length mirror fiddling with his tie. He tugged it left then right and then loosened it out of frustration to tie it all over again.

“You’re freaking out,” Elaine said from behind him as she and Lip eyed him carefully. 

“It’s gotta be perfect.” Ian stubbornly said as fixed his tie for the fifth time that morning.

“Dude, you really think Mickey is gonna give a shit if your tie isn’t done well?” Lip asked as he moved across the room to help Ian.

“He doesn’t know it but it will matter.” Ian said. Just then there was a knock on the door before the door went swinging open and a well-dressed Mickey came barging through. 

“Mickey! You’re not supposed to see the bride before the wedding.” Elaine chimed trying to usher him back out the room.

“Well it’s a good thing none of us is fucking bride huh?” Mickey said as he moved pass her and toward Ian, “Gives us the room, I wanna talk to Ian.”

Elaine and Lip surrendered quickly and moved out the room quickly, “Fine. But you only have like five minutes before Fi comes up here to usher you down.” 

As soon as the door was closed behind them Mickey turned to Ian and quickly moved towards him saying, “C’mere.” Their lips crashed against each other’s in a hungry but loving way. Both men indulging in each other’s taste. They reluctantly pulled apart for air, “Fuck, you look good Gallagher.” Mickey said as he moved to take a seat on the small sofa of the dressing room. “Come here, I wanna talk to you.”

Worry washed over Ian like a tsunami wave. He now started to conjure up thoughts in his mind that Mickey no longer wanted to marry him. “This is it right? You’re calling this whole thing off?” Ian said as he cautiously took a seat next to Mickey keeping distance between them. Mickey’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion as he answered, “What? What the fuck you talking about?” 

“I don’t know...this isn’t us right? That’s what you’re gonna say? That you made a mistake?” Ian rambled on.

“Ian, Ian stop. Calm down or you’re gonna fucking pop a blood vessel.” Mickey moved closer on the couch so he could bring his palm to Ian’s cheek. “I am the one who proposed…why would I back out?”

 

* * *

 

_“Marry me…” Ian pulled back his face to look at Mickey as he heard the words escape his lips. He had almost expected Mickey to shut his eyes and retreat from his statement but instead he found Mickey’s blue innocent eyes looking up at him. “Did you just?”_

_The first time Mickey had said anything remotely similar to this was four years before in front the Gallagher house when he said “Thick and thin, Good times, bad, sickness, health all that shit.” When Ian had responded with “You gonna Marry me? Are we gonna go down to the courthouse in some tuxes like a couple of old queens?” Mickey had quickly retreated into his cocoon pretending he didn’t just promise everything to Ian. This time however, he laid there in his after sex glory beaming a certain kind of confidence that had Ian almost grow hard again._

_“Yeah...I did.” Ian pulled out and moved to lie beside Mickey where he stroked his cheekbones. “I’ve just been thinking...since...I - I want more Ian. With you. I missed so much of Yev’s life and I don’t want to chance anything anymore. I want it all with you. So marry me and let’s have that.”_

_Ian couldn’t find words, instead he pushed himself impossibly closer to Mickey and attached their lips. Tasting him with a grin._

_“You’re going to have to answer with words bitch.”_

_“Yes, you motherfucker. Yes!” they kissed each other hard until they were grinding down on each other again ready to go about the round two of that night. It was hours later in the darkness of the early morning Mickey woke to find Ian staring up at the ceiling smiling like an idiot._

_“The fuck you smiling for?” he asked as he wrapped his leg around Ian, throwing his arm around the younger man’s torso._

_“We just got fucking engaged….”_

_“Yeah…sorry I didn’t get you a ring.” Mickey said. Ian turned his face against his pillow to look into his fiancé’s eyes. “A ring? We got engaged in the middle of sex right as you sprayed me….how much more us can you get? It was fucking perfect.” Ian laughed._

_They lay quietly enjoying the other’s company as Mickey’s fingers made circles on Ian’s chest. Ian’s hand ran up and down Mickey’s bare back as he pondered. “Whose name would we take?”_

_“Huh?” Mickey asked sleepily._

_“Whose name…Mickey Gallagher or Ian Milkovich…either way I’d be happy but who takes whose name?”_

_“I’m not changing my name to Gallagher.” Mickey laughed but seriously meant it. No matter how much he loved Ian and hated his father he had carried the name Milkovich with some sort of pride for all his life and that was something Ian completely understood. Mickey had come to own his name fully and he wouldn’t want to be the one to take that away from him…”We could do that really fucking gay thing people do nowadays and join the names…”_

_Ian laughed then as he tried to figure out what their names joined would sound like…”You mean like Milagher? Or Galla….Gallavich?” he laughed._

_“Never mind…they both sound awful” Mickey said his body shaking as he laughed wholeheartedly._

_“I like Ian Milkovich…” Ian then said softly, “I like people knowing I’m yours.” Mickey reached up kissing Ian’s chin until Ian bent for him to reach his lips._

_“Would you be my Ian Milkovich?”_

_“That was really fucking gay…” Ian cackled as that statement had quickly become their little inside joke. He bent his head pecking Mickey before saying, “I’m always yours.”_

 

* * *

 

He relaxed into Mickey’s touch as the other man grazed his tum on Ian’s cheek, “What’s going on in that head, red?” Mickey asked.

“Hmmm?” Ian snapped out of his thoughts, “nothing…just wondering if we’re ruining something good…”

“You getting cold feet on me now?” Mickey laughed, “Look there is no ruining this. Once I have you and Yev, this can’t be ruined. Not for me.”

Ian moved so he could lay his head on Mickey’s shoulder. Chuckling lowly he asked, “Who would have ever thought you’d be the voice of reason when it came to commitment?” just then Ian’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he found a text from Elaine.

 **Elaine:** You two better not be fucking…

 **Elaine:** Turn the television on, Channel 4.

Ian reached for the remote on the bride suite’s coffee table. When the television came to life he typed in channel and waited for whatever was so important he had to watch it on his wedding day.

“The details of the escape are quite unclear at this time, however we can tell you that Mexican native inmate Damon Hernandez escaped prison in the early hour of this morning. He was believed to escape between the hours of 12am and 2am. He currently at large and we do implore all civilians to be on the lookout as he is considered very dangerous.” The brunette news reporter announced.

“Motherfucker…..he really did it.” Mickey said in complete surprise and a tinge of pride.

“You knew about this?” Ian asked astonished.

“Well yeah…he always said he was going to do it…didn’t think he actually would. He asked me if I wanted to go….before I got I knew I was getting out.”

“What you say?”

“I said I would…once you got to come with me.” Mickey smiled caressing Ian’s face.

“Where do you think he’s go?”

“Motherfucker is going home.” Mickey laughed.

Mickey, listening to the news as it unfolded before him, realised just how different his life could have been. He knew growing up he never saw his life going anywhere. In fact he could quicker see himself breaking out of prison with Damon and running away but now he was different. He could no longer imagine that life for himself. He couldn’t imagine wanting anything other than being able to stay safe and secure with his son and the love of his life. He never expected to come this far and be able to have these small things which in his eyes weren’t small at all. And it was moments like this that he wish he could just rub it all in his father’s face. But seeing Damon now brought back a small reminder of just how much pain he felt four years before when he was arrested.

_His hands were clasped tightly behind his back when he was shoved into the back of the cop car. His forehead throbbed and started swelling from where he had just hit it while being pushed into the vehicle. His heart was pounding in his chest and his stomach churned until he felt like he was about to be sick all over the backseat of the car. He breathed in slowly trying to process the last five minutes of his life. When he left his house running down the street he never saw his life taking this turn. “This is you breaking up with me.” He remembers saying. Mickey kept telling himself on his way to the police station that it was all the bipolar talking. That could be the only reason Aidan through away everything they had. I hadn’t been on his meds long right? Maybe he just isn’t balanced yet… But then another part of him kept yelling to stop being so fucking naïve. To stop telling himself that it wasn’t Ian because all the throughout his diagnosis Mickey always told himself “it’s the same Ian” so why should now be any different? Because it’s convenient? His heart continued to burn itself slowly as the realisation that he had lost Ian forever settled all around his mind._

_He sat that night in a smelly cell surrounded by drunken sweaty guys. He kept to his corner of the cell perched at the edge of the bench, sitting upright. This wasn’t his bedroom where he could just bare all his emotions and let us all loose. This was jail. Soon they’d be moving him to county jail until his arraignment. He couldn’t allow himself to go through the motions or feel all the things he needed to after the break up. If he did he’d just end up being someone’s bitch._

_When he was asked to bend over and cough for his strip search he felt an extra kind of violated that he had never felt before even though this wasn’t his first time doing this. He almost felt like the officer could see his souls through his asshole. He then felt like less of a man. Less than he had ever felt in his life even less than he felt the day his father paid for Svetlana to rape him._

 

Ian and Mickey both made their way down the stairs smiling widely and playfully bumping their shoulders. Mickey was first to walk through the big brown doors of the hall. When he walked through into the big space he was genuinely impressed by the décor his mother and Fiona had worked so hard to put together. The hall was adorned with vines of white flowers elegantly hanging from the ceiling while white cloth draped behind the stage. The sight instilled a certain kind of confidence within him as it reminded him of his dream when he was in his coma. Standing in the middle of the stage was Carl in his police academy uniform proud as ever as he waited to pronounce them husbands. Debbie stood to the side with Mandy and Fiona while Lip and Iggy stood to the other side. Both brothers of the grooms bumping shoulders at the sight of Mickey. Franny and Yevgeny both stood grinning holding their basket of flowers and pillow with rings. At the sight Mickey was quickly imagining a little Ian standing with him making him smile to himself.

 

Mickey made his way to the front boldly rubbing his tattooed knuckles against his nose. He glanced at familiar faces as he passed, recognising neighbours and Alibi room regulars. He smiled gently as he caught eye of Svetlana’s ex-girlfriend Nika sitting a few rows up from the back. He took his place in front Carl and then turned his attention back to the brown doors. It had been a solid minutes since he had last seen Ian but still when the doors opened his breath was knocked away at the sight of the redhead. Ian emerged wearing his bright, eye-disappearing grin. He was almost skipping down the aisle. At the sight of his lover coming toward him Mickey couldn’t help the gummy grin that stretched across his lips. He could die a happy man if this was the last sight he ever saw.

 

The thought of being able to finally call Mickey his husband had Ian grinning from ear to ear as he pushed the brown double doors open. This was something he had dreamt about countless times before and with each step it became more and more impossible for him to imagine the four years he spent without the shorter man. The thought was a distant nightmare he wish he could forget ever existed but it was also a reminder to him to appreciate every second he ever got and will ever get with Mickey.  This was it. This was their happily ever after or at least however happy the universe would allow a Gallagher and a Milkovich to be. Looking at Mickey, as he returned a grin, had Ian internally scolding himself for ever feeling it okay to leave Mickey alone in a cell without visiting him. From now on he couldn’t imagine doing anything other than loving Mickey with one hundred percent of himself. He couldn’t do without Mickey he never wanted to feel how he did those four years ago.

 

_“Ian?” Fiona called as he trudged his way up the steps to go to his bedroom. He never answered nor turned to see what she wanted, he just walked until he got to the top of the steps and turned into his bedroom. He peeled his plaid shirt off himself and then the beige Henley he loved so much. As soon as all his clothes were a pile on the floor he climbed beneath his sheets letting his body sink into its warmth. He pulled the sheets over his head allowing the darkness to settle around him. He had just watched Mickey be rolled away in a police care and he tried his best not to care but he did. More than ever. He had just called things off with Mickey mere moments before the arrest, thinking he was relieving Mickey of the heart ache and pain he knew would follow his disorder. Mickey must surely hate me now. Maybe it would be easier for Mickey to let him go if he hated Ian. He let his hot tears fall, soaking into his pillow and then turned his face to muffle the sound of his sobs. He felt like he need to let Mickey go, because Mickey needed someone who wouldn’t hold him back. And if Mickey stayed with him, he’d only grow to resent him as he would spend all his time trying to fix Ian who in turn could not be fixed. Ian knew if Mickey tried to fix him he’d lose himself in the process. But the thought of Mickey hating him hurt far more than Ian expected it too especially since Ian knew it took Mickey this long to finally admit he loved him. He let the feeling of being under a wet blanket come onto him as he felt his spiralling mind float far away only to return to go again._

 

Time moved so much quicker than Mickey noticed. When you’re with that person who completes you and all the things in your suddenly falls into place, time isn’t something that is very much of a concern to you. So Mickey hadn’t expected the months after the proposal to dwindle away so quickly but he was glad to be standing where he was. He knew he didn’t need to get married, but it was definitely something he wanted. He wanted to fully embrace himself and who he was. This was him doing that, it was him climbing to the top of the tallest building in Chicago and letting everyone know that it wasn’t just a phase, nor was it that ‘he got fucked so much in juvie and jail he thought he turned gay.’ This was him holding the hand of the man who completed him and telling the entire world to go fuck themselves. He had never held Ian’s hand for everyone to see so when he took Ian’s hand in front the audience a jolt of electricity shot through him and he felt like he was touching the redhead for the first time. Everything with Ian always felt like the first time and that was a feeling Mickey never wanted to fade away.

Carl then spoke initiating the ceremony, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Mikhailo and Ian in matrimony, which is commended to be honourable among all men; and therefore is – fuck this shit…” Carl said abruptly while reading his script. Both Mickey and Ian looked up from where their hands were entwined to see Carl smiling, “We’re here to see these two men…say how much they love each other. And in our community that’s not traditional…so why should this be? I’m not gonna stand and ask who doesn’t want them to because well…fuck your opinion, they’re getting married anyways.”

The audience and the grooms were laughing endlessly as Carl carried on in typical Gallagher style, “They’re written their own vows so…I’ll give it over to them” he said taking a small step back. Mickey then looked around confused… _who the fuck was supposed to go first?_

Ian cleared his throat then reaching into his suit jacket to pull out aa creased up worn out paper, “I wrote my vows about five times already…and they weren’t perfect so I’m just going to go with the small points I’ve made and hope that I don’t fuck this up.” Mickey laughed at the dork he loved so much.

Clearing his throat again Ian began, “I lost myself at seventeen…I didn’t know where I was going and I was running as far from you as I could…but I was destroying myself. You, Mickey, came and found me and you saved me. For as long as I live and as long as I love  
I will never not think about you. You are everything…my sun, my moon, my stars and I know it’s so fucking cheesy that I’m saying this but it’s true…you complete me. From the moment I loved, I knew you were the one. So Mikhailo Milkovich…I will never not love you. That’s my promise…to never leave you and to never stop loving you and Yev.”

Mickey was grinning at how dorky Ian really was but it was something he loved so much about Ian. When it was Mickey’s turn, Ian could see just how nervous he was. He had sweating starting to bead at his temples and his fingers trembled a little. Ian squeezed his hand reassuringly. Knowing that Ian was here for him calmed him in ways he never thought anyone could calm him. He looked away from Ian for the first time since standing there, locking eyes with his mother who sat in the first row beside Frank who looked as high as he could be. Her gentle eyes blinked as she smiled at him. She nodded slightly letting him know it was okay. And that was something Mickey never thought he could get. One of his parents sitting in the audience while he married a man and telling him it was okay to do so.

He cleared his throat and squeezed Ian’s hand as he dove right into if before he puked all over his tux. “I think everyone knows I’m not particularly good at this shit so I’ll try my best. Uh….” He took a deep breath, “I fucking love you…if that isn’t evident by me standing here, you need to know that. We’ve been to hell and back and then back to hell again and back another time. And I couldn’t have wished for someone better than you to go through that shit with. So when I told you thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health all that shit…I fucking meant it. For as long as you’ll have me and even longer.”

 

* * *

 

The reception had turned out to be just as laid back as the ceremony with just a few people dancing around. Yev had been enjoying playing with his cousin Franny running around and in between dancers on the dance floor. Mickey sat down as he watched Fiona and Ian swaying together while she smiled up at him. He could sit and watch Ian all day and be perfectly contented. Elaine brushed pass him and took the seat beside him drawing him out of his daydream of Ian pounding him into the wall of one of the bathroom stalls. “Congratu-fucking-lations are in order…Mr Gallagher…” she joked.

“Ha Ha,” he laughed sarcastically, “Guess you never learned how to fucking read…does that sign up there not say Mr. and Mr. Milkovich?”

“Oh, please, you know even if you don’t carry the name, you’re still a fucking Gallagher….today just sealed that deal.” she looked at him and then to Ian. “I love seeing him like that…so fucking happy. You did that. You put that fucking smile on that face.” She said slapping on his shoulder.

“What about you huh? When is you happy ending appointment?” Mickey asked taking a sip of his drink looking.

She sighed loudly looking away from Ian and Fiona to Iggy who was grumpily in a corner drinking. “Go ask him to fucking dance…or something. You both feel the same fucking way about each other and you’re just taking turns pushing each other away.” She looked at Mickey then as he raised his eyebrows, “Go!” he shewed.

“Well, look at you Mr Cupid…Ian put a ring on that finger and all of a sudden you’re the doctor of love?” She said getting up.

Mickey glanced down at the shining gold band on his hand that had a single green diamond embedded in the gold. Smiling at the thought that Ian was currently wearing the same ring with a blue stone he blushed, “It does look fucking good doesn’t it?” he laughed. “Now go…and I don’t wanna talk to you until you two sort your shit out.”

She grinned back at Mickey as she made her way over the small round table Iggy was situated at. “So for some reason Mickey is playing cupid and sent me over here to talk to you.”

“And you actually fucking listened?” Iggy said pouring a drink in a plastic cup and handing it over to her. She sat beside him taking a sip.

“Yeah, well he’s in a good mood…didn’t wanna sour him if I didn’t listen.” She looked at Iggy as he watched out onto the dancefloor. She gulped the rest of her drink then and stood back up stepping in front his view. With an outstretched hand she flicked her fingers, “Come on…let’s dance.” Sceptically and cautiously Iggy took her hand and stood up following her to the dancefloor. He placed his hand on her waist as she looped her hands around his neck. They started swaying with the sound of the music with eyes locked on each other, “You know…Mickey has this insane idea that we both feel the same way about each other.”

“Yeah? And how exactly do you think I feel?” he asked smiling a little.

“Well, if you feel like me…you’re scared but hopelessly in love. You’re really fucking sorry for hurting me…and making you me feel anything less than amazing. And you wanna make this work if you get the chance to.” She had just confessed her feelings to him hoping with all her heart he did in fact feel the same way. Their eyes stayed locked on each other as the peered through each other’s souls. Before Elaine knew it Iggy was bending slowly toward her face. The lips met in one those ways that you only see in the movies. Where the entire room becomes a dark blur and you’re suddenly unaware of where you are, who you are and what you’re doing. Your body is just knowing of him alone. She could only taste his lips on hers. The taste of the sweet rum mixing with peppermint while the smell of his fresh soap intoxicate her. All she could feel was his arms grip tightly around her waist as her hands move up to lace through his hair. She could however hear. And the hoots and cheers from the family around them is what brought them away from each other. Pulling back to see eyes on them and Fiona clapping, they laughed as Elaine buried her head in his chest. “I’d say you were pretty spot on with how I feel,” he said. She pulled back looking at his pursed lips. She tiptoed then pressing her lips to his, “I took me too fucking long to say this but I love you…”

“I love you too.” Iggy said against her lips as he breathed her in.

“They don’t call me cupid for nothing,” Mickey joked as he was being dragged onto the dancefloor by Ian, clapping Iggy’s shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Ian and Mickey danced a whole fucking lot that night. And it they weren’t dancing with each other they were dancing with their family or they were making out in a corner like two teenagers. Yev had crawled into Mickey’s lap just after midnight when the party had taken its way back to the Gallagher house when Elaine and Yev were to spend the night while Mickey and Ian went back home to get ready for their honeymoon. Mickey was sitting beside Ian while the Gallagher’s danced around. Mickey looked at his son then, “Hey…you wanna help me put him to bed and then we can get going?”

“Yeah…let’s go up.” Mickey stood with the sleeping child still clinging to his chest and walked up the steps to what was once Debbie’s then Ian’s room. He lay his son on the bed removing his shoes and the jacket the boy was wearing, leaving him in the little white tank top he wore under his shirt and his underwear. Ian brought the fan from the cupboard down the hall and faced it to their son. He knew just how hot the room got in the late summer.

Mickey brushed the hair from his son’s face and then stood up beside Ian. Ian wrapped his arm around Mickey’s waist as they both looked at the boy sleep peacefully. “It’s gonna be hard to leave him,” Mickey whispered resting his head against Ian.

“Yeah…I’m gonna miss him. But after this week, we’ll be back home and it will all be okay.”

“Can you believe, in a week, we’ll be living in our own apartment with our kid and possible another in the way?” Mickey asked looking up to Ian.

“I couldn’t be more excited, babe.” Ian joked kissing Mickey’s lips before he could protest about the nickname. And although both men never said it to each other, they both knew that no matter how excited they were for them to possibly have another child they were scared out of their minds.

 

_They were sitting on the couch watching Yev play with his toys while they watched whatever rerun of Paw Patrol was showing that night because Yev was quite insistent on watching even though he was barely paying attention. Ian however seemed quite intrigued by the show and Mickey even heard him laugh every now and then, “You like this huh?” he asked and Ian didn’t even hear him how into it he was. Mickey moved closer and turned his back to Ian and then leaned back unto him. When Ian saw what he was trying to do he moved turning so Mickey could get comfortable against him, “You alright?” he asked once Mickey was settled and ._

_“Mhmm..”Mickey answered as he continued watching his son play all on his own, “Ian?”_

_“Mm?” Ian said looking down to Mickey’s face._

_“Do you ever….never mind.” He said quickly after starting turning his attention back to the television._

_“Hey…don’t do that…what are you thinking?” Ian said nuzzling his nose to the side of Mickey’s face._

_“Do you ever see us…having another?” Mickey said nudging his head in Yev’s direction._

_Ian followed the direction of Mickey’s gaze and he smiled into the crook of Mickey’s neck, “Another kid?”_

_“Yeah,” Mickey said softly still looking away._

_Ian smiled then kissed the exposed skin of Mickey’s neck before he took his hand to turn Mickey’s face. “I have…I’ve just…I’ve never said anything because I didn’t know how ready you are for those kind of things.”_

_Mickey looked into Ian’s eyes, “I’ve just realised how much I’ve missed with him…and I wanna experience those things…I want to have that with you.” Mickey said lowly careful for the toddler to not hear._

_“I want that too…but how would we…you know? Do we adopt?”_

_“I was kinda thinking we go to the clinic…”_

_“You mean like one of us make a kid with a stranger?”_

_“No…I mean like a surrogate…” Mickey explained. Ian thought about it while Mickey looked up at his chin’s growing stubble. “But which one of us would do it?” Ian asked looking down._

_“Well, Yev is part of me…I’d love to see a little you running around.” Mickey smiled at the thought of having their very own raven haired and redheaded kids running around._

_“Hmm, yeah but who’d we ask to give the egg…if it’s me it can’t be Elaine.”_

_“How about Mandy?” Mickey asked quickly making Ian look down at him. Ian chuckled before nuzzling his face in Mickey’s neck again, “You’ve really thought about this, huh?”_

_“Yeah…I may have asked Mandy if we ever wanted to do that if she’d be in…” he said evading Ian’s eyes and looking at the television suddenly engrossed in the Dalmatian dog running around. Ian, very much surprised at Mickey’s eagerness, turned Mickey’s face again, “Well, what did she say?”_

_Mickey breathed in looking into Ian’s greens again, “She said yes….just name the time.”_

_“Well okay.” Ian said shrugging his shoulders._

_“Okay? That’s it?” Mickey asked bunching his eyebrows together._

_“Yeah…okay we’ll go down to the clinic next week and get all the information.” Ian said nonchalantly._

_“Really? You’re in…wait so soon?” Mickey asked astonished that Ian was so ready._

_“How long have you been thinking about it?”_

_“Like a couple months now.”_

_“Right…I’ve had that thought since about the time Yev was born….I’m ready…we’ve waited too long to wait longer.”_

_“Well okay,” Mickey mocked Ian. Ian smiled bending and pressing his lips to press against Mickey’s._

_“I think someone is ready for bed.” Ian said as he pointed to Yev whose head kept falling forward as his eyes grew heavier._

_“I’d say.”_

 

* * *

 

The villa was a wood finished cottage perched just on the dunes of the Puerto Vallarta beach. It was just after sunset when the sky hadn’t fully gotten to its darkest potential, that Mickey settled into the king sized bed’s sheets after swimming in the ocean. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore like a soft lullaby in the distant background. Ian stepped out of the bathroom in just his underwear as he toweled his wet hair. “You want to tell me why you chose here?” He asked as he bent over to get the bottle of lube from his suitcase.

Enjoying the sight before him, it took Mickey a while before he could answer as his eyes mounted on the swell of Ian’s ass.

“Because Damon said it was the best beach for sex in Mexico” Mickey grinned up as Ian turned around.

Ian smiled as he cocked his eyebrows high as he made his way to the side of the bed, “You seriously took honeymoon advice from a gangbanger who’s hiding a hole as we speak?”

“Yes...because evidently that he was right,” Mickey teased pulled Ian’s wrist for him to join him on the bed.

“I guess he was.” Ian said before bending to press his lips against Mickey’s. “Fuck I can’t believe you’re my husband.” He kisses him again. Then breaking the kiss he pulled Mickey hand up and kissed at the gold ring on his left hand.

“Do you have to be so gay?” Mickey joked.

Sarcastically Ian laughed as he tickled Mickey’s side, “Well you’re the one who asked me to marry you and you’re the one who put a ring on it, so sorry to break the news to you but you’re just as gay.” He said as he brought his own left hand up to lace their fingers together. The sight of both rings next to each other, the blue and green, made Ian’s stomach flip with excitement.

“I am.” Mickey laughed as he squirmed away from Ian’s tickle. Ian then reached across to where he had placed the lube and something Mickey was yet to see. When he pulled it into Mickey’s eyesight the older man suddenly stiffened beneath him. “No...uh-uh we’re not doing that.” Mickey protested as Ian dangled a shiny new pair of handcuffs in front him.

Ian’s face fell in disappointment, “What? Why not?”

“What if you lose the key?” Mickey asked.

“We’ll just call the maintenance guy to come by with the bolt cutters,” Ian joked, “I’m kidding. I won’t lose the key....” he added when he saw the mortified look on Mickey’s face.

“No because if you do you’ll chew it off if you have to.”

“So that a yes?” Ian asked with that mischievous flirtation in his voice again.

“Yes...because I trust you.” Mickey said softly.

“Wow...that was really gay.” Ian laughed causing Mickey to relax more as he laughed while tickling the redhead who was now straddling his laps.

Ian held onto the side of Mickey’s face as he brought his lips down to kiss him more hungrily and lustfully. Mickey parted his lips for Ian to enter and he brought his arms to wrap around the redhead’s freckled torso. Running his hands down Ian’s back, he basked in every rise, fall and dent of the toned muscles that sat just below his soft skin. Ian ground his hips down against Mickey’s and chuckled lowly as he felt how hard the shorter man was getting.

“The thought of being handcuffed turn you on, babe?” Ian asked as a whisper in Mickey’s ear.

Mickey pinched Ian’s side playfully, “Don’t call me that.” He laughed.

“You know you love it.” Ian mouthed at the soft sensitive skin just below the brunette’s ears warranting him soft moans.

“I do,” Mickey blurted unknowingly as he was entranced by Ian’s mouth on his neck. Ian chucked into Mickey’s skin at his response then looked up to meet ocean blue eyes that were so heavy with love and lust. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Ian whispered as he brought their lips together.

Pulling both Mickey’s hands above his head he asked, “You ready?”

“Yeah.” Mickey desperately breathed. Once his lover was secured Ian moved back to kiss at every inch of Mickey. Biting down when he met his chest and flicked his tongue over it, sure to make his mark. He licked a stripe over Mickey’s nipple as his eyes darted up to look at Mickey’s face. The brunette’s eyes were shut and his plump lips were parted as he moaned loudly.

“So perfect for me, Mick.” He kissed and sucked at the neglected nipple before he left Mickey. Mickey’s eyes flew open at the loss of contact to see Ian reaching into the fridge.

“The fuck you doing?” He asked. Ian turned back with a bottle of champagne and two flutes in his hand. “I’m not gonna be able to drink that while handcuffed, asshole.”

Ian just smiled as he popped the cork and poured one glass full, and then sipped from it. Placing the bottle and glasses in the night stand he then repositioned himself so he was once again straddling Mickey’s hips. Mickey’s eyebrows climbed high as he came to realise just what exactly Ian was doing, “You’re a kinky motherfucker...you know that?”

Looking up at the grinning redhead above him Mickey could feel himself falling completely in love with the man for what felt like the millionth time. Ian moved down his body and then took the flute of champagne pouring some fizzing champagne onto Mickey’s chest. The liquid flowed downward pooling into his navel with some running down his sides. Ian brought his tongue to Mickey’s skin, licking erotically from his navel upwards careful to never break eye contact. Looking into Ian’s emeralds Mickey could feel his dick twitching in excitement at the sight of how exotically beautiful Ian looked. He picked up the liquid quickly as he moved upward attaching his lips to his lover’s sharing in the taste and burn of the alcohol. “You’re driving me fucking crazy, Ian.” Mickey said.

Chuckling Ian reached for the flute again this time gulping is down quickly. “That’s no fair... gimme some of that bitch.” Mickey laughed. Ian poured more into the flute and then brought it to Mickey’s lips for him to enjoy.

When they both felt the light buzz kicking in Mickey pressed, “Can you hurry the fuck up? My arms are getting fucking tired.”

Ian was swift in moving downward and removing Mickey’s boxers. He settled between his man’s legs revelling in sight of his full hardness before him. He took him into his hand stroking slowly as he watched the bead of precum escape the tip. He thumbed at it smearing over the head before he brought his tongue out lapping at him tasting Mickey. He moved down licking from Mickey’s balls to lick straight up and then take him into the warmth of his mouth. He bobbed up and then down taking Mickey in deeper with every descent.

Mickey looked down meeting Ian’s eyes and feeling his entire body tingle with chills at the sight of Ian bobbing with his mouth full. He fought a little against his restraints wanting so badly to run his fingers through Ian’s hair. Ian could feel himself grow painfully hard in his own underwear so he reached down tugging it down to free his member. He hitched Mickey’s hips up throwing his legs over his own shoulders as he attached his mouth to Mickey’s hole. Circling with his tongue before licking straight back to his balls then up his dick. He took the head back into his mouth as he felt around the bed with on hand for the lube.

Mickey found it beside him pushing it closer to Ian’s searching fingers. Taking the lube and squirting it unto his fingers Ian circled Mickey’s entrance as he continued sucking the older man’s cock. Mickey was a mess of _pleases_ and _fucks_. Pressing his fingers in slowly Ian teased Mickey as both men knew Mickey didn’t need that much help being opened after they had spent the afternoon fucking in the sea.

“Fuck Ian...” Ian’s hardness started to become increasingly painful as he needed so badly to be attached to his husband. He put Mickey’s hips down and then crawled up his lover’s body as he kissed at his neck and jaw before reaching down to fully remove his own boxers. “Take these off...I wanna ride you.” Mickey pleaded fighting against the restraints. Ian could see the small bruising on Mickey’s wrist starting to redden so he brought the key from the nightstand and undid the cuffs. As soon as he was free Mickey grabbed at Ian flipping them over so he was now on top. He kissed at Ian fervently pulling the redhead’s lip between his teeth, as he lined himself up sure to waste no more time.

“Fuck,” Ian moaned as he was slowly being pushed into Mickey’s tightness. When Mickey bottomed out he placed his elbows to the side of Ian’s head as he half lay on his man. He rolled his hips slowly fucking onto Ian as he kissed his redhead’s jaw. Completely intoxicated and surrounded by Mickey, Ian moaned loudly. Ian moved his hips upward meeting everyone of Mickey thrusts down. Both men completely lost themselves in each other, morning each other’s names.

They were drunk off each other, with every touch of skin lighting fires and sparks at every inch of skin that they touched. It was a moment like this when he could feel everything around him, he could almost envision Mickey’s pulse. He couldn’t imagine there was a time where he couldn’t feel anything, when he’d float through life a numb mess. Their foreheads pressed together, sharing one breath and a constant string of _fucks_ and _I love yous_.

Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey, burying his face in his man’s neck then licking at his skin and breathing him in deeply. Their climax approached quickly after as both men were wound up so tight, causing Mickey to collapse onto Ian. The both laid there spent and reeking of sex when the phone on the nightstand vibrated jolting them out of their after sex trance. “Who is it?” Mickey asked heaving heavily as Ian reached onto the nightstand. Bringing the phone into view he jumped up to answer as he exclaimed. “It’s Lily.” He then put the phone’s speaker on “Hello? You’re on speaker.”

“Hi Ian, Mickey. Uh…sorry to call at such a bad time but I wanted to tell you myself so I asked the clinic if I can call.”

“What’s up Lily?” Mickey asked sitting up, getting worried that it all didn’t work out. It hadn’t been very long since they had met the surrogate but they had made it their business to become friendly with her. Mickey had thought she was a decent nice girl but he also didn’t see the point in getting too attached. He knew her job was just to carry the combination Mandy’s egg and Ian’s sperm and nothing more. But Ian on the other hand had spent time going for lunch and inviting her over until the point where he actually considered her friend. Mickey had come home on few occasions to find Ian on the couch with the blonde cackling and watching Project Runway.

“Uh...I’ve got news....the insemination worked...I’m…I’m pregnant.” Her voice screeched on the other end as she celebrated with the newlyweds.

“Holy shit! What?” Both men shouted their excitements in unison at the news. She laughed and congratulated them as Mickey sat there, his jaw hanging low as Ian bounced around on the bed. When they ended the call they both just looked at each other smiling before they attacked with a deep passionate kiss. “We’re gonna have another one. Yev’s gonna have a brother” Mickey said smiling letting the news sink in. “Or a sister.” Ian responded as he dove onto Mickey lying fully on him. He wrapped his hands around his man as he kissed at his lips passionately sharing in the good news.

“Holy shit this is happening.” Ian chimed, barely able to contain his excitement. He kissed Mickey again, “We’re gonna have another kid Mickey.”

“Yeah, Red…this is fucking happening.”

“I love you Mickey. I will never not love you…you hear me? I will never not fucking love you.”

“I will never not love you too, Ian.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. May I wish us all the best in getting the real Gallavich endgame as Shameless Season 9 starts tomorrow. Do let me know in the comments if you'd like me to write more Gallavich stories. Keep Positive and i love you all. 
> 
> P.S thank you to Michelle for allowing me to base Mila off her, to Jay for being my inspiration for Clay and Surprise Lola...i totally envision Lily as you.

**Author's Note:**

> be sure to comment and tell me what y'all think!


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